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Dead, Dead, Dead

Dead, Dead, DeadI want to share something special with all of the reader of RZone. That something special wouldn’t be my Flamingo proclivities, it would be a recent visit where I planned out the death of a family member.

Over the weekend some of us flew out to California to hunt down a cheap death-residence.  The weekend seemed like a nice one to plan out the death of a family member. I guess technically I didn’t plan out the death as much as the ceremonies after the death.

Here’s something that you might want to think about – Jews sell dead-people-residence locations for less than other religions. It’s true.

  • Catholics and Chirstians sell people on the nice grave and tombstone and blah blah blah even though they say people just go to heaven (why are you paying so much when you aren’t going to use it?).
  • Hindus need special burial areas… where cows can poop on the graves. It’s either to help the re-incarnation process or because they don’t know where else to put cows.
  • Muslims.. hell, you don’t need a grave when you blow yourself up.
  • Scientologists make you give them all your money so that you can take a spaceship up John Travolta’s or Tom Cruise’s rectum or somewhere in outer space. 

Jews though, they like to keep together both in life and in death. For a small down payment you can have a burial location that’s free of the deficient religious hoards.

So while going to the death place I decided to take some pictures (I didn’t take pictures of the Jews helping us out because everyone knows it’s a bad idea to take something from a Jew).

Welcome All Dead Residents
Nice sign, I’m sure the dead people are happy it’s not made of cardboard and asking for money for homeless Vets.

dead road marker
If you wanna stop and say hi, just park near the curb with the “44 MAP 43” on it.

X marks the dead spot
This is the corner of death.. ha ha ha.. ok, it’s just a site marker.

the dead appreciate good shade
The tree will help keep the dead cooler, nobody wants the sun beating down on them all day.

view from the grave
The view of other graves is what really makes this special.

another view.. lucky dead people
Here’s another view, this one a little better.  Thankfully the place is quiet so the dead can rest.

no dogs allowed, just roadrunners
Camouflaged into the background is one of the graveyard’s pets, a road runner.

roadrunner closeup
For those of you with dead tired eyes, here’s a closeup from the above picture.

dead stop
Not sure what is with this sign, guess that this would be a dead stop though.


For those curious as to what I’m going to have playing music wise at my funeral, it’s the “Dead, Dead, Dead” song by Juan Schwartz (from SouthPark’s Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics).

Anyone who hasn’t seen SouthPark should probably take a moment to realize they are losing out on the most important and scientifically advancing television show in the history of Retardkind. I watch it like it were my cocaine and I was a supermodel or it was watermelon and shaded darker than Michael Jackson.

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Posted By: Michael Sharpe

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