Seems that the Vatican has come forward to issue “10 Commandments” for good motorists. Stupid? Ya, I think so. And when I think it is, it must be bad because I’m retarded. Let me run down the list for you.
- You shall not kill.
- The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
- Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
- Be charitable and help your neighbour in need, especially victims of accidents.
- Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
- Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
- Support the families of accident victims.
- Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
- On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
- Feel responsible toward others.
There are some Commandments missing. They may not be obvious so let me place them here now:
- Thou shall not drive objects of any kind into alter boys.
- Thou shall drive vehicles at any speed necessary to see Jessica Biel, anywhere, at any time.
- Take as many pictures of car accidents as possible, and share them among RetardZone.
- Giveth the middle finger to motorists that cut in front of you.
- Only rubber-neck when you aren’t in front of me.
- When happening upon a motorist that is in need of assistance such as changing a tire:
a. If person is a female in need of assistance
I. -and she is hot, exchange labor for labor — you know what I mean…
II. -and she is not hot, honk and laugh while driving past
b. If person is a male in need of assistance
I. -and their car is nicer than yours, stop and offer help in exchange for cash
II. -and their car is crappier than yours, drive on; Men don’t need help.
- Thou shall not drive with signal indicator on for more than 500 feet.
- Thou shall not drive while being asian female.
- Thou shall not tailgate without a really, really good reason.
- If thou driveth to my abode bring beer.