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Woman sets world record for suicide attempts

Professional Suicide AttempterFormer professional golfer Amy Beth Dallamura has made a career out of suicide attempts. Miss Dallamura has attempted to drown herself more than fifty times in the past five years. As a result of spending over two million dollars on rescue attempts the woman has been banned from going into the sea around the British coastline.

The 44-year-old has tried to kill herself by jumping off piers and jetties and wading into the ocean.

Police, lifeboats, coastguards and the RAF’s air and sea rescue helicopters have all been involved in rescuing her.

A policeman received a bravery award after swimming out to sea to save her.

But police fear her regular “cries for help” are wasting emergency resources and putting lives at risk.

In January, magistrates gave Miss Dallamura an Asbo banning her from entering the sea, beaches and parts of the promenade of her home town of Aberystwyth in west Wales.

But last month she breached the order four times in five days.

The former golf professional was stopped by police from going into the sea on June 21.

Amy Beth Dallamura with over 50 suicide attempts would top previous world record holders. 46 was a record held by a quadriplegic in Mexico, broken by a man in Miami beach who made history by swallowing twelve Xanax pills he found in his mother’s medicine cabinet and making his 47th suicide attempt. When he awoke from a seven hour coma, he was informed by his mother’s boyfriend of his unmatched achievement.

“I didn’t even know about the record,” said he said. “I just hate my life.”

Osgood Wisenheimer has a well documented history of trying to take his own life, dating back to when he was just six years old. “I jumped off the roof, but it was only 12 feet high. I didn’t die, but I did break my pelvis,” he told Larry King last night. “Over the years, there were more roofs and pills and stuff that I would drink from under the sink, but it seemed like I was always a day late and a dollar short.”

Congratulations Amy – you’re number one! I wonder if she’s going to go to Disneyland, or probably just a swim at the new Disney water park.

News Article

Old Record

Professional Drowner
Amy Beth Dallamura

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded

 

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