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What to wear when you’re 900 pounds

Wear a tarpWhen I get dressed in the morning to go out in public sometimes I’m not sure what to wear. I’m over six feet tall weigh over 260 pounds, unless I’m dieting. I’m not a small person, and sometimes I have trouble finding normal size shirts to fit my shoulders. But, I wonder if I weighed say half a ton, what I wear out on the town…

Question answered, something that says don’t look at me you can’t see me, but still costs less than twenty bucks – a large blue plastic tarp makes for a fashionable yet functional ensemble.

LANSING, Mich. — Firefighters in Lansing, Mich., used a forklift Tuesday to extricate a 900-pound man from the second-floor bedroom of his home.

Rescue workers were called in Tuesday by a visiting nurse, who determined the 33-year-old man needed medical help, Fire Chief Tom Cochran told the Lansing State Journal.

Cochran said the man had not left his home since 2003.

The man’s brother, who lives with him, said his brother suffers from Prader-Willi Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that creates a chronic hunger feeling that can lead to overeating and life-threatening obesity.

The extrication took a little more than three hours.

Rescue workers brought in a telescopic reach forklift, high enough to raise a platform to a hole cut into the wall of the house. They covered the man with a blue tarp to shield him from onlookers and slid the platform onto a flatbed truck for a trip to Sparrow Hospital.

Not sure how you can get that big, but I knew a kid on the wrestling team who could never make the maximum weight to wrestle heavy weight who I heard got huge and never leaves his house. He had to consume massive quantities of food, every day he had like 4 pizza breads, and several boxes of french fries. Seems like he either had family that was trying to cash in on a life insurance policy by over feeding him or he was ordering food from online somewhere. If he did order online that company had a legal responsibility to cut him off after a certain point. Like a bartender can’t keep serving drinks to someone who is totally drunk.

Where personal responsibility ends people must learn to start blaming others for their problems. Like the moron who ate three giant meals a day at McDonalds and said he was supersized, and assumed that eating mountains of food from any restaurant every day would be good for you. I think this guy has a case if he can collect the four thousand big mac wrappers piled up to the ceiling in his apartment he certainly has a case, or has at least earned 300 free french fries.

At least he has a sense of fashion, kind of like walking around in your own fort too.

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Wear a tarp

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Humor, News, Retarded



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