Top 10 reasons Dumbledore was gay
Author JK Rowling recently revealed that beloved wizard school master Dumbledore was gay. This stunned most of the world, but there were signs all along and we break down the top 10 reasons we should have known all along.
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| 1. | Author’s Agenda What better way for a liberal author to influence millions of young impressionable children than to have them unknowingly idolize a gay person. What else would make kids see that sort of thing as normal as to have their beloved father figure slash imaginary friend be a fudge tunneler. |
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| 2. | Dumbledore Was a Priest Catholic priest, magic priest - it doesn’t matter a certain number of priests see Harry Potter and think Jessica Biel. Dumbledore was probably sent from magic religious school to school by magic bishops who didn’t want things public. Never leave your kids alone with priests, grown men don’t like hanging out with other people’s kids. |
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| 3. | Wore Very, Very Gay Clothes Come on for god’s sake what straight man wears ruffles and flamboyant purple dress like outfits that would make Liberace green with envy. Short of walking around with a sign that says I’m gay or opening a bed and breakfast at Hogwarts the signs were there. |
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| 4. | Magic Was Only a Metaphor The whole magic thing could have all just been a metaphor, little boys playing with their wands all day - with instruction on how to handle them. The whole subject of magic could have all been a metaphor for child abuse that the young boy Harry tried to rationalize trips to his uncle Dumbledore in terms his little mind could handle. |
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| 5. | School Was to be Kept a Secret Harry Potter was instructed to keep the whole school a secret from his everyone, was a sure sign of something funny was going on there. |
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| 6. | He Was British Two world wars removed the more aggressive males from the gene pool. Sixty plus years of a nanny state have robbed the former empire of it’s more aggressive social attitudes, who feel more guilt than pride over their nation’s impressive history. And face it the British act kinda gay to begin with. |
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| 7. | Hired Only Ugly Women Dumbledore ran the school and hired some of the least attractive women to be on film, short of anything starring Whoopi Goldberg. The poor impressionable kids were surrounded by some of the ugliest women teachers imaginable. No boy was likely to have a formative crush on one of these she beasts. Straight men will in control of hiring will at least a few good looking women to look at regardless of talent. |
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| 8. | Took an Unseemly Interest in Harry This old perv couldn’t keep his eyes off Harry Potter, you never saw him paying attention to any of the girl students. This old guy couldn’t spend enough time gazing longingly at Harry Potter. |
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| 9. | Always Making Flamboyant Gestures Dumbledore was repeatedly making very flamboyant hand gestures and kept a flaming bird as a pet. |
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| 10. | Unmarried Old Guy With no Women This old guy was never seen hanging out with women of any shape or description on his personal time. No women in his life at this age either makes you a priest (which he was to an extent) or the flamboyant older uncle that never married. |
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Posted By: Jerome Aronson
News Category: Celebrity, Humor, News
3 Responses to “Top 10 reasons Dumbledore was gay”
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[...] Retard Zone wrote an interesting post today on Top 10 reasons Dumbledore was gayHere’s a quick excerpt[ Top 10 reasons Dumbledore was gay]Author JK Rowling recently revealed that beloved wizard school master Dumbledore was gay. This stunned most of the world, but there were signs all along and we break down the top 10 reasons we should have known all along. 1. Author’s Agenda What better way for a liberal author to influence millions of young [...]
He is gay, oh well. Get over it.
I tried to but now I am strangely attracted to my Dumbledore lunch box and feel kind of guilty about it.