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Japanese make retarded concept cars

Retarded Japanese Concept CarsFar be it from me to make fun of a country whose currency isn’t losing value faster than Britney Spears loses weight between fat binges. American cars are riding the slow bus when compared to the Japanese auto industry as well, so when I see these concept cars it makes me wonder. Have the Japanese finally gone over the line with their new cars and just strayed into retard territory?

The Suzuki PIXY
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INFO: It can only seat one person and is used for short trips across town. If a longer trip is required, 2 PIXYs can "pair" up and go into a Suzuki Sharing Coach (SSC). They are powered by either solar energy or clean burning Hydrogen. They can also be used inside buildings and easy to use for "non-drivers"

DOWNSIDE: The unfortunate choice of name and grotesquely effeminite look of this segway like vehicle will convince your friends that you really are gay.

UPSIDE: If you get in an accident with an SUV the Pixy can simply be burried in it, trying to extricate your body from this sardine can would be too difficult.

The Nissan PIVO 2
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INFO: The PIVO 1 was introduced to the world 2 years ago at the Tokyo Motor Show. The new PIVO is more advance and driver friendly according to Nissan. All 4 wheels can turn 360 degrees and operate independently. The PIVO2 is capable of going not only forwards and backwards, but side to side as well and anything in-between. The interior also features a "Driving Agent" that reads your facial expression and can cheer you up or calm you down depending on the circumstances.

DOWNSIDE: Driving in a glorified snowglobe will make making out in your car a public spectacle.

UPSIDE: If you get a flat tire you can always barrow one from a homeless person’s shopping cart.

The Suzuki BiPlane
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INFO: A new kind of motorcycle design that is based on the 1970’s drag bikes. The heart of this machine is a 1000cc twin-cam 4 cylinder. The block it liquid cooled to provide safety and comfort for the rider. The aerodynamics were inspired by riders who compared the feeling of accelerating on a long straightaway to taking off in a jet.

DOWNSIDE: Riding a motorcycle that looks the wheel from south park with a seat poking up into your man vagina could get you laughted at.

UPSIDE: People will see you on this and assume from watching the Transformers movie that your motorcycle could kill them at any moment and give you a wide berth.

The Suzuki X-Head
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INFO: It is dependable and functional, while still offering an enjoyable driving experience. It can also take on different roles by simply changing the bed.

DOWNSIDE: Anytime you use the word dependable right off the bat to describe something, that means it’s really ugly. It really looks like a HUMMER2 and a Scion had an illegitimate kid.

UPSIDE: If you always wanted a truck but still wanted the rollover instability of a SUV and the front side crash protection of a minivan you’re in luck.

The Mitsubishi i-MIEV Sport
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INFO: Proof that an electric car can have a sporty look and feel to it. The i-MIEV Sport uses 3 electric motors. Two of the motors are built directly into the wheels. The highlight of Mitsubishi’s new concept is the ability to use microwaves to recharge.

DOWNSIDE: Oprah sat on a Volkswagen bug Mitsubishi jumped on the idea.

UPSIDE: For those of you who thought the new VW bug was too big and roomy on the inside and wanted something more cramped here’s your car.

The Toyota i-Real
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INFO: It is basically a 3-wheel scooter with a seat and armrests. You control the vehicle by using a pair of joysticks, one in each hand. The i-Real will also warn you of anything that is within a certain distance by noise and vibration to ensure no collisions.

DOWNSIDE: Combines the worst parts of the segway and an electric wheelchair into the ugliest scooter Godzilla will ever stomp on.

UPSIDE: The handicapped can finally scoot around on a cool wheelchair like Professor Charles Xavier from X-men.

The Diahatsu Mud Master-C
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INFO: A compact transporter with a huge amount of cargo space. It is designed with a body-on-frame structure to increase life-span and off-road capability. The cargo area can be accessed by 1 of 3 doors on either side or the rear. The interior sports a single LCD multi-display and moisture repellent upholstery.

DOWNSIDE: Combines the worst parts of the segway and an electric wheelchair into the ugliest scooter Godzilla will ever stomp on.

UPSIDE: You will finally get to drive a vehicle from an anime movie, now if it only came with that hot looking bug eyed chick with a smokin body.

The Honda PUYO
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INFO: The idea was to create a body that would absorb the energy from low-speed collisions and was welcoming to people. The exterior is spongy to the touch and has no sharp corners in an attempt to increase safety. The interior is colorful and provides feedback in the form of colors as apposed to the traditional gauge.

DOWNSIDE: The vehicle has no sharp edges or hood to absorb a collision, so any accident over 30 MPH will result in your immediate death.

UPSIDE: At only a few hundred pounds it will consume less energy it than Mitsubishi’s largest plasma television.

e a quick retarded view on matrimonial bliss and weigh your options before making the plunge to the death of your single life.

You can keep your new fangled Japanese concept cars that get 247 miles per gallon, I’m going to stick to my American made POC.

It’s a classic – the 1960’s Edsel, when America made cars without any competition or concern for quality, safety, or fuel efficiency… aka: the good old days.

 

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded, Science

 

5 Responses to “Japanese make retarded concept cars”

  1. i think you guys have the wrong concept.. its not “retarded” if you actually seen or read about the convention.. it was for a good reason.. who wouldnt want a car that could drive itself.. sure it looks a lil strange but hey its japan.. what can ya say.. and its hard to compare it over here in a car accident.. because in japan everything is small and compact so accidents are like hitting two small bikes together and look everything is powered by sunlight or some energy efficient way unlike gas that pollutes the world.. i say +1 for japan.. because surely the US arent doing anything worth while for its environment

    LindaLove on 07 Oct 2008 at 10:06 pm
  2. Just where in the hell do you get off saying the Japanese are good for the environment – have you ever even seen Godzilla? Seriously where do ignorant mouth breathers like you come from?

    Jerome on 08 Oct 2008 at 11:35 pm
  3. The Edsels are from the ’50s, not the ’60s.

    Edsel on 05 Dec 2009 at 10:52 pm
  4. i know for a fact that someone was smoking while making these.

    smoke more weed nigga on 04 Feb 2011 at 8:36 am
  5. Way to pick the ugliest car ford ever made, it’s designer should have been shot for crimes against humanity. sure it can take a crash, but the only good angle they have is crushed, melted, and recycled into things people will actually want to own

    youareanidiot on 21 Jan 2012 at 2:48 pm
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