Getting into a I can go longer than you contest with women over sex is like getting into a thirst contest with a camel. There is no way short of castration that you can win this battle, it’s like your high school football team calling out the New England Patriots. You would have a better chance suiting up with a trash can lid and a toilet plunger then setting out to do battle with big rigs on the freeway.
A Brisbane man reports he was so fed up with always having to be the one to initiate sex in their marriage that he turned to his wife and said “I’ll make no more advances until you ask me.” That was eight years ago and they haven’t had sex since.
The man recently volunteered to take part in a sex research project for social commentator and sex therapist Bettina Arndt, which looks at how couples negotiate their sex supply.
Arndt is tracking how couples deal with ups and downs in their sexual drive. She has more than 80 couples keeping sex diaries for her in which they discuss their daily negotiations over sex.
With no prospect of sex on his agenda, the Brisbane bloke was forced to bow out, although his sex history is now part of Arndt’s growing collection.
She also has an Adelaide couple who have kept their own sex diary for 23 years, tracking their sexual frequency, rating each event, and noting what else was going on to make it good or bad.
There’s also a Canberra man with a wife with an obsessive compulsive disorder. She likes everything to have its time and place. They make love every Sunday morning at 9.15 a.m. And there’s a young mother who reports she has mastered saying “Get that thing away from me!” in her sleep.
Arndt is thrilled to discover that participating in her research is helping many couples.
“Tension over sex is the elephant in the room for many couples. Something they rarely talk about but which is always there, worrying them,” she said.
“It’s been so exciting to discover the process of keeping diaries helps people start to talk and improve their sex lives.”
She’s now calling for more volunteers, specifically couples who both are willing to commit to keeping the diaries.
Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. “Saving yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There’s no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female.
In one of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards. Other studies (some rigorous, some less so) purport to show that having sex even a few times a week has an associative or causal relationship with the following:
- Improved sense of smell
- Reduced risk of heart disease
- Weight loss, overall fitness
- Reduced depression
- Less-frequent colds and flu
- Better bladder control
- Better teeth
- A happier prostate