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Madonna’s daughter is a circus freak

LourdesMadonna’s 11 year old daughter Lourdes made a rare public appearance prompting biologists to scramble to classify what species she belongs to. Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, Madonna appears to have combined both trends by adopting what some believe may be Gigantopithecus Canadensis.

Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon
Missing Link

Here are just some of the possible explanations for Lourdes…

 

Adopted Link

Adopted Missing Link

Still other biologist disagree and believe the adoptee may indeed by the holy grail of evolution, the missing link. This could fall inline with Madonna’s religious phase which happened around the time of her adoption. There are those out there who cling to the belief that this was Madonna’s birth daughter but scientists dismiss this allegation with one simple question. Is there any documented evidence of Madonna actually being pregnant with Lourdes?

 

Chewbacca

Offspring from Celebrity Affair with Chewbacca

Madonna dated Dennis Rodman, so who’s to say she wouldn’t go after another less than attractive celebrity. Madonna is widely believed to be Star Wars fan having been an impressionable teen around the time when George Lucas was making films that didn’t completely suck. Celebrities do a lot of drugs and do sleep around a lot so it’s not totally out of the question that Madonna could have had an affair with Han Solo’s faithful sidekick.

 

Bigfoot

Adopted Orphan Bigfoot Child

Celebrities are always trying to find orphans for some reason, why wouldn’t Madonna want to take home some cuddly bigfoot baby on one of her many travels to the third world. There are many scientists who recognize the telltale physical characteristics of Gigantopithecus Canadensis, the scientific name for Sasquatch.

 

Lourdes

She’s Just Italian

No pun intended – Occam’s razor (sometimes spelled Ockham’s razor) is a principle attributed to the 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham. The principle states that the explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory. This is often paraphrased as “All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.” In other words, Madonna is Italian so Lourdes could just be another hairy Italian female.

 

Lourdes

Alternate Universe Lourdes

Somewhere in an evil parallel universe Madonna’s real daughter is struggling to adjust while the evil Lourdes is set to inherit millions and destroy the planet earth with some evil plan for world domination.

 

Lourdes

Circus Freak Career

Most celebrities grow up unemployed and without a career, if Madonna’s kid is a circus freak she will have a fallback career. Her mother can’t act and mom could just have implanted hair onto her kids face to give Lourdes a fallback career once she fails as a singer – can anyone remember John Lennon’s kid trying to sing? Eesh.

Whatever the is about Lourdes one thing is mysterious and has no logical explanation: why would a celebrity surrounded by gay men not know one hairstylist that could just wax that off?

Madoona surrounded by fruits

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Celebrity, Humor

 

28 Responses to “Madonna’s daughter is a circus freak”

  1. […] Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, … retardzone.com/2007/11/21/madonnas-daughter-is-a-circus-freak/ Retard Zone retardzone.com No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this […]

    Kaser’s STAR PULSAR on 26 Nov 2007 at 1:55 am
  2. Hey, Punks;

    Nice try, but there have to be photos of everyone at age 11 or some time in their development that they look awkward, weird or strange. I used to view Madonna herself this way, kind of; back when she was shot (but not accepted) for a layout in Playboy. But they kept the photos anyhow and made a killing off the reprints once she was an established rock idol. She has defied the odds and trended toward sexier-looking over the years, especially that radical boobjob.

    I know, I should call you all by your proper name, Retards. But I also disagree that you really pass for Retards. You’re churlish, nasty teases attempting to derive humor, much of which I find uncomfortably funny. And the Retard Empire label is sure to impress. But I argue that the proper term for a grouping (like a ‘murder’ of crows, etc.) would have to be a CLOISTER****, a CLUSTER**** or an INNOCENT FLUCK of Retards, since so many of the differences of what are termed “the mentally challenged” (here in the US) are derived from incompatibilities in their parent’s genetic equipment.
    So in closing, keep up the good bad work, after all; you haven’t very much to work with from what I can grok. I have you bookmarked as my favorite
    ones.
    (deep chuckle segue-ing to morbid and hideous laughter)
    yours-truly
    paul

    paul on 01 Dec 2007 at 8:11 pm
  3. […] unknown wrote an interesting post today on Madonnaâ??s daughter is a circus freakHere’s a quick excerpt… biologists to scramble to classify what species she belongs to. Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, Madonna appears to have combined both trends by adopting what some believe may … […]

  4. Thank you for taking the time to write such a long response, I appreciate hearing from both my handful of fans (aka my mom and the only three friends I have in the world) and hordes of critics (the rest of the world).

    Jerome on 05 Dec 2007 at 1:52 pm
  5. your a f*cken c*nt.
    how dare you say something like that about lourdes.
    We look practically the same!!
    I have the same Facial Feautures And I think she is beautiful!!
    YOUR THE UGLY ONE!!!!!
    YOU PROBABLY HAVE A D*CK COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!
    GO F*CK YOURSELF SLUT.
    I HOPE YOU DIE……
    seriously how would you feel?
    if you looked like that
    and ppl were being mean,
    honeslty i think your jelous,
    because she is a multi million air
    and your some f*cked idiot who has to insult people to feel good about yourself
    f*ckhead!!

    anonyoumous!! on 24 May 2008 at 4:27 am
  6. Wow! You tell ’em Lourdes ugly, I mean anonymous!!. How dare people make fun of you because you look like some freak with more facial hair than most men twice your age. To hell with everyone that doesn’t have a single eyebrow that covers both eyes!

    Michael on 24 May 2008 at 11:20 am
  7. I think you don’t have right to say that Lourdes is ugly…She is really beautiful girl and EVERYTHING on her is totally normal…and facial hair,and eyebrows and everything…But some of you are really stupid and you don’t get the real values on the person…Outside look is not so important…It is important what is inside…

    dZENY on 28 Jul 2008 at 6:12 am
  8. OMG!
    Ugly? Circus freak?

    JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE BECAUSE:
    Lourdes is absolutely gorgeous.

    Jessie on 21 Oct 2008 at 3:22 pm
  9. Awwwkward. I guess the site is trying to be funny but has failed miserebly. The fact that the site is so unpopular and unknown is punishment enough. The site will be dead in a few months I wager when the dirt poor website owners can’t afford to pay their server fee. Good luck!

    bob on 22 May 2009 at 9:25 am
  10. Wager away – we’re on year number two and we weren’t shooting for funny as much as being offensive and by you taking time to defend you gay drag queen queen (mission accomplished).

    Jerome on 22 May 2009 at 10:04 am
  11. I don’t agree with the old Chinese method of killing the first born if it were female, but I now see circumstances where it might need to be allowed in the USA…

    Michael on 22 May 2009 at 10:06 am
  12. Wait was Jessie saying that Lourdes is gorgeous – that’s just wrong on two levels…
    (1) No one has said she was gay (yet)
    (2) She’s underage and I am pretty sure that’s wrong to be checking her out yet

    Jerome on 22 May 2009 at 10:09 am
  13. This is not even a funny post. I find Lourdes a natural beauty. Also, if she had gotten her eyebrows done, people would’ve been horrified that Madonna was starting her daughter on a body maintenance regimen at such a young age!

    Sidra on 14 Sep 2009 at 12:16 am
  14. Sidra, do you really think that Madonna’s only problem would be that she’s trying to groom her kid? I think that in the world where Madonna can writhe around on-stage while self-satisfying herself in front of thousands of people there is little wrong with introducing tweezers into the kid’s life.

    Michael on 18 Sep 2009 at 3:06 pm
  15. I thought this was pretty funny. I was kind of expecting that, seeing as this site is called retardzone.com. c’mon ppl, what were you guys exepecting?

    hawaiichicklet on 01 Oct 2009 at 10:21 pm
  16. Well, plucking her eyebrows and taking a little wax to the upper lip should fix the problem. Behind that facial hair, she really is good looking girl.

    Avishai on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:45 pm
  17. Hawaii Chicklet, you nailed it with your comment. EVERY ONE this is just for our entertainment! Some of you are retards! LOL Come on now…..give the kid a break. She is beautiful. We all go through a stage of feeling/being awkward. And yes, I’m happy that Madonna hasn’t pushed Lourdes into being too concerned about her appearance yet. Too many people start that crap too soon, especially the padgeant parents!

    Cindy on 04 Sep 2010 at 7:36 am
  18. This is insulting…..
    but very funnny.
    She needs some major pluckadge on those babies…. DAMN! :O

    Michaela Jizzinurpants on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:08 pm
  19. Oh my god! how can you talk like a girl! Shame on you!

    Sool on 15 Aug 2011 at 1:30 pm
  20. is she just an adopted daughter?,.. or a real daughter?,… in fact, she looks like an Indiana or somewhat part of bombai? .– isn’t she?=(

    Lizel on 16 Sep 2011 at 10:46 am
  21. yes, she looks like an bombai,.. is she really the daughter of Madonna?

    Seiko Inoue on 16 Sep 2011 at 10:47 am
  22. i don’t know if she is,.. but she’s beautiful,… Seiko,Lizel.– i know you too knows her beauty cuz you two loves to talk about natural beauty,… 🙂

    Lizel Sequerra on 16 Sep 2011 at 10:52 am
  23. we know she’s beautiful, were just asking if she’s a real daughter or not >_<

    Seiko Inoue on 16 Sep 2011 at 10:53 am
  24. yeah right seiko,.. 😛

    Lizel on 16 Sep 2011 at 10:54 am
  25. Of course she is hers, she looks IDENTICAL to her when she was her age…and she is beautiful as she is, not to mention they will remove those hairs permanently and she has the benefit of inheriting millions and stands to be rich for life, so stop hating… how rude to put people down over things they were born with, damn rude, what ****s.

    mark on 27 Mar 2012 at 12:10 pm
  26. Maybe you should just stop making fun of the child. She seems to display an abundance of facial hair, so what? That does not in any way whatsoever make her a freak. Modern society has chosen to place a nonsensical value on the superficial in general, and on appearance in particular. Look in the mirror, look long and well at your own shortcomings, before you judge anyone else, especially a child.

    Spirit Bear on 20 Jan 2013 at 12:07 am
  27. It is in reality a nice and useful piece of info.

    I am happy that you just shared this useful information with us.
    Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for
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    celebs without makeup on 06 May 2013 at 12:35 pm
  28. Wow. You know you’re all knocking an 11-year old girl, right? Doesn’t seem kinda cruel and inappropriate to you? She might read this article.

    Nick Ebberfield on 18 May 2015 at 9:54 pm
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