Madonna’s daughter is a circus freak
Madonna’s 11 year old daughter Lourdes made a rare public appearance prompting biologists to scramble to classify what species she belongs to. Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, Madonna appears to have combined both trends by adopting what some believe may be Gigantopithecus Canadensis.
Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon
Here are just some of the possible explanations for Lourdes…
Adopted Missing Link
Still other biologist disagree and believe the adoptee may indeed by the holy grail of evolution, the missing link. This could fall inline with Madonna’s religious phase which happened around the time of her adoption. There are those out there who cling to the belief that this was Madonna’s birth daughter but scientists dismiss this allegation with one simple question. Is there any documented evidence of Madonna actually being pregnant with Lourdes?
Offspring from Celebrity Affair with Chewbacca
Madonna dated Dennis Rodman, so who’s to say she wouldn’t go after another less than attractive celebrity. Madonna is widely believed to be Star Wars fan having been an impressionable teen around the time when George Lucas was making films that didn’t completely suck. Celebrities do a lot of drugs and do sleep around a lot so it’s not totally out of the question that Madonna could have had an affair with Han Solo’s faithful sidekick.
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Adopted Orphan Bigfoot Child
Celebrities are always trying to find orphans for some reason, why wouldn’t Madonna want to take home some cuddly bigfoot baby on one of her many travels to the third world. There are many scientists who recognize the telltale physical characteristics of Gigantopithecus Canadensis, the scientific name for Sasquatch.
She’s Just Italian
No pun intended – Occam’s razor (sometimes spelled Ockham’s razor) is a principle attributed to the 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham. The principle states that the explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory. This is often paraphrased as “All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.” In other words, Madonna is Italian so Lourdes could just be another hairy Italian female.
Alternate Universe Lourdes
Somewhere in an evil parallel universe Madonna’s real daughter is struggling to adjust while the evil Lourdes is set to inherit millions and destroy the planet earth with some evil plan for world domination.
Circus Freak Career
Most celebrities grow up unemployed and without a career, if Madonna’s kid is a circus freak she will have a fallback career. Her mother can’t act and mom could just have implanted hair onto her kids face to give Lourdes a fallback career once she fails as a singer – can anyone remember John Lennon’s kid trying to sing? Eesh.
Whatever the is about Lourdes one thing is mysterious and has no logical explanation: why would a celebrity surrounded by gay men not know one hairstylist that could just wax that off?
16 Responses to “Madonna’s daughter is a circus freak”
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[...] Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, … retardzone.com/2007/11/21/madonnas-daughter-is-a-circus-freak/ Retard Zone retardzone.com No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this [...]
Hey, Punks;
Nice try, but there have to be photos of everyone at age 11 or some time in their development that they look awkward, weird or strange. I used to view Madonna herself this way, kind of; back when she was shot (but not accepted) for a layout in Playboy. But they kept the photos anyhow and made a killing off the reprints once she was an established rock idol. She has defied the odds and trended toward sexier-looking over the years, especially that radical boobjob.
I know, I should call you all by your proper name, Retards. But I also disagree that you really pass for Retards. You’re churlish, nasty teases attempting to derive humor, much of which I find uncomfortably funny. And the Retard Empire label is sure to impress. But I argue that the proper term for a grouping (like a ‘murder’ of crows, etc.) would have to be a CLOISTER****, a CLUSTER**** or an INNOCENT FLUCK of Retards, since so many of the differences of what are termed “the mentally challenged” (here in the US) are derived from incompatibilities in their parent’s genetic equipment.
So in closing, keep up the good bad work, after all; you haven’t very much to work with from what I can grok. I have you bookmarked as my favorite
ones.
(deep chuckle segue-ing to morbid and hideous laughter)
yours-truly
paul
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today on Madonnaâ??s daughter is a circus freakHere’s a quick excerpt… biologists to scramble to classify what species she belongs to. Celebrities have a long track record of adopting orphan children and having bizarre pets, Madonna appears to have combined both trends by adopting what some believe may … [...]
Thank you for taking the time to write such a long response, I appreciate hearing from both my handful of fans (aka my mom and the only three friends I have in the world) and hordes of critics (the rest of the world).
your a f*cken c*nt.
how dare you say something like that about lourdes.
We look practically the same!!
I have the same Facial Feautures And I think she is beautiful!!
YOUR THE UGLY ONE!!!!!
YOU PROBABLY HAVE A D*CK COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!
GO F*CK YOURSELF SLUT.
I HOPE YOU DIE……
seriously how would you feel?
if you looked like that
and ppl were being mean,
honeslty i think your jelous,
because she is a multi million air
and your some f*cked idiot who has to insult people to feel good about yourself
f*ckhead!!
Wow! You tell ‘em
Lourdesugly, I mean anonymous!!. How dare people make fun of you because you look like some freak with more facial hair than most men twice your age. To hell with everyone that doesn’t have a single eyebrow that covers both eyes!I think you don’t have right to say that Lourdes is ugly…She is really beautiful girl and EVERYTHING on her is totally normal…and facial hair,and eyebrows and everything…But some of you are really stupid and you don’t get the real values on the person…Outside look is not so important…It is important what is inside…
OMG!
Ugly? Circus freak?
JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE BECAUSE:
Lourdes is absolutely gorgeous.
Awwwkward. I guess the site is trying to be funny but has failed miserebly. The fact that the site is so unpopular and unknown is punishment enough. The site will be dead in a few months I wager when the dirt poor website owners can’t afford to pay their server fee. Good luck!
Wager away – we’re on year number two and we weren’t shooting for funny as much as being offensive and by you taking time to defend you gay drag queen queen (mission accomplished).
I don’t agree with the old Chinese method of killing the first born if it were female, but I now see circumstances where it might need to be allowed in the USA…
Wait was Jessie saying that Lourdes is gorgeous – that’s just wrong on two levels…
(1) No one has said she was gay (yet)
(2) She’s underage and I am pretty sure that’s wrong to be checking her out yet
This is not even a funny post. I find Lourdes a natural beauty. Also, if she had gotten her eyebrows done, people would’ve been horrified that Madonna was starting her daughter on a body maintenance regimen at such a young age!
Sidra, do you really think that Madonna’s only problem would be that she’s trying to groom her kid? I think that in the world where Madonna can writhe around on-stage while self-satisfying herself in front of thousands of people there is little wrong with introducing tweezers into the kid’s life.
I thought this was pretty funny. I was kind of expecting that, seeing as this site is called retardzone.com. c’mon ppl, what were you guys exepecting?
Well, plucking her eyebrows and taking a little wax to the upper lip should fix the problem. Behind that facial hair, she really is good looking girl.