Monster menagerie from The Mist
I thought one of the coolest trailers of the year was for the Stephen King movie ‘The Mist’ so I went to go see it with two of my best friends. I was unprepared for the menagerie of monsters that I was about to be confronted with. Most movies have just one monster, a shark, an alien with two sets of teeth or some wildly mutated animal - but not Mist. If you are even thinking about seeing this movie or have seen it and want to see the animal kingdom from the movie read more.
Tentacle Monster
Scientific Name: Monasteriense plurestelum
Tentacle Length: About 40 feet
Description: Multiple tentacles enter from loading gate to devour Norm the bag boy. This particular creature is never seen again and only the tentacles from this monster are ever seen.
Retarded Facts: When the severed tentacle is poked it rapidly turns into a foul smelling liquid, willing to eat dog food.
Body Count: 1 confirmed kill
Retard Factor: 
Dinosaur Monster
Scientific Name: Ingens ridiculum
Height: 240 feet
Description: This six legged behemoth would dwarf a blue whale and stood taller than any land creature found in the age of the dinosaurs. When seen in the end of the movie the SUV is around the ankle of this walking skyscraper.
Retarded Facts: Largest imaginary creature monster in film history. In the book this creature is described as having hundreds of the "bugs" attached to them. Would need to consume a few hundred dozen people per day to stave off starvation. Much less talkative than the more realistic looking trees from the Return of the King.
Body Count: 0 confirmed kills
Retard Factor:
Wasp Monster
Scientific Name: Magnus punctum
Length: 19 inches
Description: Apparently attracted to light these large flying wasp monsters have a very toxic neuro toxin causing massive swelling and death within a few minutes.
Retarded Facts: Unlike the American WASP these ones are not white. They are apparently afraid of crazy women but like to sting younger attractive ones.
Body Count: 1 confirmed kill
Retard Factor:
Spider Monster
Scientific Name: Receptacle intellect
Length: 44 inches
Description: Covered in long hairs these spiders, like most movie monsters they lay their hundreds of eggs in live humans covered in webbing, that with movie magic take less than a day to hatch.
Retarded Facts: They shoot acid laden webs up to 20 feet that will cut through human flesh like butter. On a happier note they have a disarmingly happy looking skull face.
Body Count: 12 confirmed kills
Retard Factor:
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Pterodactyl Monster
Scientific Name: Ales dinosauri
Height: 3 feet
Description: These clumsy yet lovable flying dinosaurs love to crash into things if they didn’t pull meat out of one Tom Smalley’s head. If it weren’t for that this cute little guy could have been easily the star of a happier film and have been adopted by some cute little girl.
Retarded Facts: The largest flying creature seen in the movie can eat a grown man but it took nearly a dozen passes at a window to break through it.
Body Count: 1 confirmed kill
Retard Factor:
Lobster Monster
Scientific Name: Gammarus elephanti
Height: 50 feet
Description: Straight out of general casting at a bad 50s sci ft movie these lobster monsters love to scuttle around and take revenge on seafood eating humans.
Retarded Facts: An apparent wrestling match with a victim tied to a rope results in half the body being pulled away from this hungry monster.
Body Count: 4 confirmed kills
Retard Factor:
Christian Monster
Scientific Name: Sarcalogos rabidus
Height: 5.5 feet
Description: Christian woman goes the opposite of Ned Flanders this woman goes insane and turns most of the grocery store into her own doomsday cult.
Retarded Facts: Hollywood outdoes itself in making fun of Christians with this one. Not only does she use the the religion to turn the mob into killing but before long she even wants to sacrifice the little boy in the movie. Talk about the opposite of the Christian right supporting our troops and right to life/family values.
Body Count: 1 confirmed kill
Retard Factor:
Monster Identification in video format (halfway through video)
You might want to save yourself ten bucks and wait this catastrophe comes out on disc. Until then you can satisfy your need for a planet full of unrealistic creatures by watching episodes one and two of this season’s south park - Imaginationland. The monsters in it were definitely more entertaining and less predictable.
South Park’s Imaginationland.
Yes there was a ’stargate’ in Imaginationland and The Mist, a menagerie of monsters, the Army screwing things up and of course a silly ending. Who do we have to blame for this? Sadly the answer is Stephen King’s very success.
The steady income from Stephen King’s earlier successes have afforded him a nearly unlimited of pot resulting in countless hours and pages of meandering nonsensical stories…
What this movie really needed was a Steve Irwin like character - or heck the real one back from the dead to keep track of all the monster ecosystem from this movie. It would have added a laugh or two to this movie, which was sorely needed. After I left I had felt like I had just made a two hour trip to the grocery store, and not everyone made it the whole two hours either.
11 Responses to “Monster menagerie from The Mist”
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You didn`t pay mutch attention to the film beacause the Monasteriense plurestelum as you call him is also the Ingens ridiculum. The are one and the same creature, also it is not sure what killed the man with the rope around his hips. You didn`t see it happen so you can`t know. And the movie does not make fun of moderate christians because the man with the rope says to her: I don`t think he is the bloodthusty monster you make him te be before he dies. So she`s clearly a fundamentalist instead of a ‘normal’ christian most Americans are. And it are fundamentalists who start a cult it happened before so it`s not the christians who are made fun of but it are the sectarics where is made fun of.
There is now way the parking lot lobster like monster Monasteriense plurestelum and the huge dinosaur like beast at the end Ingens ridiculum. Here is a list of monsters compiled on Wiki:
- A giant lobster creature that kills Ollie Weeks by ripping him in half. Creatures similar to these appear in The Drawing of the Three.
- A colossal behemoth with six legs. Other than the legs, with hundreds of the aforementioned small flying creatures attached to them, this creature is unseen. Although the creature’s exact size is never specified, David gets the impression that its size would make a blue whale resemble a trout if both were posed together, and its weight is sufficient to leave six-foot-deep footprints in solid concrete the size of a large SUV.
- Numerous squid-like tentacles which killed Norm in the storage room. The suction cups on the tentacle serve as mouths, consuming Norm as the tentacles envelop him.
- Small flying creatures between two and four feet long which swarm over the store windows at night. These creatures have pink, burnt-flesh colored skin, and their eyes are on stalks protruding from their heads.
- Albino pterodactyls which pluck the aforementioned creatures off of the store windows. One enters through a hole in the store’s display window and kills a man named Tom Smalley.
- Spider-like predators which hunt by scent. These have the ability to project acidic “spider-webs” which can burn through materials like cloth and flesh. They claim the lives of Jim Grondin, Buddy Eagleton, Dan Miller, Mike Hatlen, Hattie Turman and several patrons of the next-door pharmacy.
- A creature described as a nightmarish living kite which flies by the road; only its shadow is seen through the mist.
- A creature described as a giant green dragonfly.
So if you believe the two are the same please re-write the wiki entry here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mist
I did not notice the kite or dragonfly creatures in the film.
If you have more pictures of the spider monster could you send them to me I think there really cool
I don’t know about anyone else but the first thing I thought of when I saw the lobster monster was the Antlion Guards from the Half life series of video games.
i love the giant lobster its awesome!!!
The giant behemoth monster is one of the coolest monster I’ve ever seen!! Awesome!!!
Actually Half life was partially based off the mist story, thus why it is such a good game series, I as well thought Antlion guard too
that list of monsters made by jerome is actualy from the book.
the man with the rope aroun his hips has to be killed by the spiders or the lobster creature. the lobster could simply cut him in half and the spiders could have used their webs. i think it was the lobster because when david and everybody els where pulling the rope it suddenly flew. if like something trow it away.
I apparently matched the names to the pictures from the book too.
that was a good movie i hope they make a second one but the main actor shoud be arond or tom cruise oh i have some spoilers one at the end the dad leaves from the store and goes to his house and sees hiswife dead and two this is realy funny the run out ofv gas and the dad has four bullets and their were five of them so he shoots his son,a worker girl from the store,then the two old peaople.then he goes out side and hes waiting for the monster to kill him then he hears some thumps and it was a tank and most of the army and he scream and it ends thats it