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1,2,3,4 – I declare a retard war…

Timonthy Skyes web investing shysterTimothy Sykes is a ‘hedge fund manager’ turned investing guru. When he recently joined the virtual office at dinosaurtrader I checked out the guys site to see who he was, and my B.S. Detector went off the scale. This guy is a piece of work, come read along and learn more about the Bar Mitzvah Fairy Tale that is Timothy Sykes.

Tim has parlayed his claim to have turned 12K from his Bar Mitzvah into millions making thousands of small trades on penny stocks during the dotcom boom into a ‘successful career’ as a trading guru.

A simple google search for Timothy Sykes brought up a review that I just can’t top:

Loser Sykes Luck Runs Out and Self Publishes Book To Make Some Money Off Of Newbies and Suckers…..

Maybe Timothy Sykes will find some type of work which will allow him to succeed; but trading and self-publishing books will not allow him to actually contribute to society, and Sykes admits that he continues to lose OPM.

After reading Sykes book, story can be summarised:

1) Timmy made money trading the NASDAQ bubble(along with everyone else), and he did not demonstrate good money management. Basically, “lucky monkey” effect….

2) Timmy has not made money trading in the last 5 years because his luck ran out, and the bad risk management.

3) Timmy is trying to make money off his ‘99-’02 track record, while lying about his trading failures over the last 5 years.

4) Timmy has averaged less than 1% annual return with his Sykes/Cilantro “hedge fund” since 2003. So, investors would have been better with interest bearing checking account.

5) Timmy lies that “..my Fund bleeding has stopped…”, but actually he lost his investors very large amounts of money throughout 2006-07, including continuous losses every month of Summer 2007. Sykes Fund “Bleeding” has not stopped, but rather continues as Sykes has lost over a third of his investors money since Jan 2006.

Book is not worth $20; and it is not worth reading even if you get it for free….

The more I looked into this guy the more he reminded me of that character on TV who pretends to be a psychic detective but is a total fake…

Tim Sykes is the Psykic Investor

If that wasn’t funny enough he actually responded with a post of his own within hours:
Timothy Sykes Refutes Some Blatant Lies, Typical Wall Street BS

My post on Retard Trader was meant to be a silly joke within the little trading group at virtual office, and I did wrongly assume that he and not his parents lived in the home that he has his website registered to.

He is now a published author with two books listed on Amazon (despite not being able to spell check his own website).
Tim Sykes Cult

One of his lesser known literary masterpieces:
Tim's new book

No longer a hedge fund manager – now a cult leader. This guy is like Amway pushing his how to books and if left unchecked he will be on sometime around three in the morning hawking his get rich penny stock strategy to people with sleep deprivation…
Tim Infomercial
Timothy Sykes the leader is the small but loyal band of enthusiasts who attack as blasphemy anyone who questions his stock wizardry.

Here are just a few reviews about his book:


Re: Sykes amateurish hedge fund book:

Update to the Sykes saga. He has been reported to the SEC for posting on message boards attacks against a company he made a short recommendation against on thestreet.com

How he swindled that side into giving him a podium is anybody’s guess. I imagine he fancies himself ala Jim Cramer, but where he tries to match Cramer in terms of bluster and self-aggrandizement he lacks Cramer’s obvious deep well of knowledge and ability to educate about the markets which is something Sykes cannot do. I hope Cramer knows Sykes used his site and then bashed the same pick on Yahoo and Raging Bull message boards immediately after to reinforce the chances of success for his short recommendation.

This kid is the sleaziest thing to hit the financial media in a long time and that is saying something.

Just say NO to Tim Sykes.

And if you haven’t already seen his now classic laughing stock of Wall Street series of emails published on TraderDaily.com go look them up. They are excruciatingly embarrassing.


Is it more sad or amusing when someone’s young ego spurs them to write a book when they possess neither literary skill nor talent? Sykes has commented elsewhere that his goal to become “a great teacher, not a great investor” but in this sad excuse for a tutorial he proves to be neither as his amateurish errors practically drive him from the market, credibility (what little he had) completely shredded. Perhaps, however, it’s not truly his fault: let’s face it, when it comes to imparting wisdom from Wall Street it is simply not possible that a raw twenty-something simply has much to say.

Not that Sykes doesn’t try however. In perusing the “comments” portion of Amazon book reviews, he’s certainly not reluctant to chime in and offer a defense at nearly every turn. Find me ONE other author at Amazon that feels so compelled to argue his own incompetence.


In Tim’s defense he clearly stated the losses were not his fault and his mission in life was not to make money but to educate others to:

> From: Tim Sykes
> Date: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:01 PM
> To: Randall Lane
> Subject: Re: Re: Sykes 30 under 30 Party

Thank you for your honesty, but I wish you had read the book I sent you guys. you would discover that ALL MY LOSSES have been caused not by trading, but because I entered into an illiquid stock that I have not been able to sell. I am unable to raise any money, unable to take any trading risk so all I can do is take advantage of my publicity efforts and turn that into my new career. I am a trader in the truest sense in that I am willing to trade professions to adapt to my environment. I wish you had taken the time to understand the specifics before drawing faulty conclusions.


Anyway, judge for yourself on whether he makes you vomit in your mouth…

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Posted By: Michael Sharpe

News Category: Financial, Humor, Retarded


6 Responses to “1,2,3,4 – I declare a retard war…”

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Allen Taylor

    Allen Taylor on 06 Feb 2008 at 7:34 pm
  2. Is that really him? It was embarrassing for me. And yes, I did thow up in my mouth a little, but that was from the bourbon.

    Jay on 09 Feb 2008 at 7:06 pm
  3. Jack and Coke is my choice, especially for the extra burning sensation that the Jack has on the way down the second time.

    Cheers Jay!

    Michael on 10 Feb 2008 at 7:56 pm
  4. Who are you? Why do you post anonymously?
    What a coward! If you want to critisize this guy, at least show who you are.

    John on 09 Jun 2011 at 4:02 am
  5. Who is posting anonymously?
    You want me to “show” myself… oddly homoerotic of you, but here you go:
    hiding on YouTube
    hiding on Digg
    hiding on reddit
    hiding on Google image search
    hiding on Technorati
    hiding on RetardZone… oops, that’s here!

    Since you wanted to “show” who I am…
    Here’s me ready for Halloween (the costume makes me look thin):

    Here’s me last weekend at a friend’s party:

    Michael on 09 Jun 2011 at 10:50 am
  6. LOL so you turned out to be rather wrong…

    William on 14 Mar 2014 at 4:25 am

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