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There Will be Blood coming from your wallet & eyes if you watch this craptastophre

Movie review for bloodAnytime you hear the word ‘oscar nominated’ used repeatedly to promote a movie without hearing the even more overused catch-phrase number one movie in America be afraid, be very afraid. There Will be Blood failed to be a number one movie in America, which means that it couldn’t outdraw the likes of Hanna Montana, Juno, Alvin & The Chipmunks, and 27 Dresses. Read our superficial synopsis and save yourself the misery and pain that is sitting through this craptastrophe.

Synopsis
There will be blood is a mix between a documentary on early twentieth century oil drilling, and very bad stereotypes of oil barons and evangelical ministers. Daniel Day Lewis does his best impersonation of Darrell Hammond doing a Sean Connery impersonation to ever grace the silver screen.


Why pay ten bucks when you can watch the original for free…

Spoiler / Conclusion
Oil baron beats preacher to death with bowling pin in what is probably the only humorous (although unintentionally so) scene in the movie. Sadly Daniel Day Lewis’s character does not bowl a perfect strike and it takes three blows before the preacher goes down. For a movie warning there will be blood there was very little of it to be seen.

Message of the Movie

LIke a typical country song this movie would have a feel good happy ending if played in reverse. The Oil Industry is owned by murderous psychopaths who only come into wealth through deceit at the expense of others. Christians are indeed crazy gullible and superstitious suckers, and oil platforms are probably too dangerous for small children to play in.

There will be Blood

What is with the Milkshake?
In the commercial you hear the main character bellowing the immortal words ‘I drink your milkshake, I drink it up.’ Sadly, there is no milkshake in this movie – although there are two different scenes that focus on goats milk. The milkshake tirade is just one of several scenes were Sean Connery Daniel Day Lewis goes off the deep end and all but foams from the mouth. In the movies exciting welcomed conclusion the preacher tries to bargain for money to drill on the one remaining plot of undeveloped land. The oil baron tricks the overly stereotyped televangelist-like character into saying over and over and over that he is a fake before telling him the oil has already been drained from that final plot of land.

In the bowling alley of the mansion the oil baron dramatically recreates how oil wells are like straws with which can drink other people’s milkshake oil. The immortal lines came straight from a transcript of the 1924 congressional hearings over the Teapot Dome scandal, in which Sen. Albert Fall was convicted of accepting bribes for oil-drilling rights to public lands in Wyoming and California. At least if the movie had gone into this there would at least have been something gained through wasting two hours and thirty eight minutes of your life.

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Celebrity, Retarded, Review

 

2 Responses to “There Will be Blood coming from your wallet & eyes if you watch this craptastophre”

  1. finally got to see the infamous There Will Be Blood… Daniel-Day Lewis’ performance was top-notch. He takes well to the overbearing, violent father-figure role — he also did this in Gangs of New York.

    patrick on 31 Mar 2008 at 4:21 pm
  2. Daniel Day Lewis does his best impersonation of Darrell Hammond doing a Sean Connery impersonation to ever grace the silver screen – without question.

    Jerome on 01 Apr 2008 at 11:02 am
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