A question for the ages has been which is better Beer or Jesus? Up until this point it’s been a one-sided battle, but we’ve decided to be the
devil’s savior’s advocate and written a sequel to why Jesus is better than beer…
- Jesus won’t make you fat.
- Beer Leads to unwanted pregneancies and sleeping with very, very ugly women (see beer goggle syndrome)
- Praying and driving won’t kill you.*
- No amount of beer will get you into heaven.
- In a blind taste test beer tastes worse than Jesus
- Religion seldom leads to unwanted streaking
- Jesus is better for your liver**
- Praying too much won’t make you throw up and give you a hangover
- Beer is a major contributor to non-Catholic child abuse
- Toast shaped like Jesus is worth 5,000 times an identical piece of toast shaped like beer
* According to NHTSA’s preliminary Fatality Analysis Reporting System (FARS) data, alcohol-related traffic fatalities were 17,941 in 2006. In the age group of 15–49 years, over 40% of all deaths among men and 15% among women were alcohol related
** Alcohol use was responsible for a 2 year loss in life expectancy at age 15 years among men and 0.4 years among women, which explains at least one-fifth of the difference in life expectancies between the sexes
The Original for comparison
- If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
- You can prove you have a beer.
- There are laws saying that beer labels can’t lie to you.
- You don’t have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
- When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
- Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
- They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
- No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
- Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.
- Beer has never caused a major war.
Declared Winner: it’s not a competition, Jesus of the bible and of the lawnmower both indulged in drinking spirits so drink up my friends. You won’t have social security when we retire so do anything you can to shorten your life span.
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