Now that Bigfoot’s existence has been proved beyond a shadow of doubt by the good folks at Searching for Bigfoot LLC we can get down to asking the really important outstanding journalistic questions about bigfoot…
Why have only crazy people seen you in the past? Are you drawn to exposing yourself to them or them to you?
|2.||Why so Camera Shy?
With roughly four hundred million cell phones with cameras, digital cameras and all manners of photo taking devices why are there so few pictures of you?
The National Enquirer is reporting that you had a swinging trist with the six million dollar man and the bioinic woman (apparently the six million dollar man was bi-onic also). Just come out and confirm the affair don’t pull a John Edwards.
|4.||What’s with the Beef Jerky?
Why do you like Beef Jerky so much? We’ve all seen the normally reclusive creatures starring in beef jerky commercials what is it about smoked meat that has led you to endorse this product and make rare appearances?
There were rumors of inappropriate touching from Ernie Henderson can you address those rumors?
What is your secret to keeping your stylings mane so well groomed in the wilderness? Do you comb, rub on trees, bathe in streams – share your secrets with us.
|7.||Relationship to Chewbacca
What is your relationship with Chewbacca? How are you related and is it true that you haven’t spoken since not being included in the latest Star Wars films?
|8.||Big Wheel Fetish
What is with the big wheels? Are you aware of your trucks impact on global warming and how do you address your carbon footprint?
Chicken vs Egg – are you the missing link or the result of a wild weekend between an East German shotputter and a circus monkey?
Now that a Bigfoot has been killed let’s finally answer the age old question does Sasquatch really taste like chicken?
The creature was found by Matthew Whitton (AKA Gary Parker) and Rick Dyer (residents of Georgia) in the woods in northern Georgia. (The exact location is being kept secret to protect the creatures.)
Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer will be flying in from Georgia to be at the press conference. Also present at the press conference will be Tom Biscardi, CEO of Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.
Whitton is a local, Georgia, police officer, who is currently on administrative leave after being wounded in the course of duty pursuing an alleged felon. Dyer is a former correctional officer. Whitton and Dyer are co-owners of bigfoottracker.com and Bigfoot Global LLC., a company that offers Bigfoot expeditions. Whitton and Dyer are working with Bigfoot hunter, Tom Biscardi, and Biscardi’s Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., to present and conduct the scientific study of the evidence and information on this body.
Here are some of the vital statistics on the “Bigfoot” body:
- The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
- It weighs over five hundred pounds.
- The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
- It is male.
- It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
- It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and
five toes on each foot.
- The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
- Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five
and three-quarters inches wide at
- From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its
hands are eleven and three-quarters inches
long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
- The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the
same day that the body was found.)
- The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
- DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo
evidence will be presented at the press
conference on Friday, August 15th.
You can read more about the earth-shattering discovery of Bigfoot at searchingforbigfoot.com.
Time will tell if the discovery is real. According to LiveScience.com, on Aug. 19, 2005, Biscardi appeared on the radio show “Coast to Coast with George Noory,” claiming his group had captured a Bigfoot a week earlier, a male beast that weighed over 400 pounds and stood eight feet tall.
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