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Underage gymnast controversy at Beijing Olympics explained

Famous DeadThis article takes an in-depth look at the biggest controversy to come out of Beijing – the controversy surrounding the Chinese Gymnasts. Read along as together we thoroughly research the most likely explanations for this underage controversy.


Through a carefully controlled selective breeding program and a large population pool of over a billion the Chinese have bred a small colony of athletic midgets able to compete at olympic levels into much older ages than their "normal-heighted" competitors. Human rights groups and Olympic Committees would go ballistic if the existence of this secret project (code named mini-Maos) were to ever become public.

Genetic EngineeringGenetic Engineering

The Chinese have jumped with both feet into the genetic cloning pool by creating genetic ‘factories’. By combining genes from past winning athletes, and outright cloning the Chinese have created a super-breed of Chinese that will first win Olympic medals but that is just for starters. With these new super-Chinese imagine factory workers who can work 24 hours a day, or soldiers – these gold medals are simply the first step in world domination.

Schoolgirl LookAsian Schoolgirl Culture

These diminutive acrobats actually much older than they appear. By a combination of a naturally young appearance, plastic surgery and oil of olay has given them the appearance of being 13-14 year olds. The question why is easily answered by asian culture where young girls are considered the model of sexiness. At least 73% of Japanese porn includes schoolgirl references (according to my own research).

Suspended AnimationSuspended Animation

Chronologically the athletes are sixteen years old, but they have been cryogenically frozen for several years in a daring Chinese project to capture Olympic Gold. The small team of premiere athletes was frozen after the last Olympics only to be thawed out and revived for the next games. Granted not all of them will survive but using this method the Chinese could easily dominate the games for a hundred years.

Child Labor LawsNo Child Labor Laws

In countries like China and India where people start work before they are thirteen, these lucky kids are at least well cared for. If we keep pushing these poor little girls will be back on the assembly line making Nike shoes and not jumping around in them. In Chinese years these girls are old enough to work. Children are born at one not zero like in the rest of the world.

Body WrappingFoot/Body Binding

The Chinese have been taping women’s feet for centuries to stunt the growth of their feet. Sadly the practice is apparently still in use and the girls have been undergoing full body wraps to maintain their tiny figures into their late 20s.

Faked Being WomenThey’re Men

Anyone who’s ever been on drunken bar-girl binge in Thailand can attest to the fact that it’s easy to mistake things when shopping and can wind up with more than you bargained for. Ladyboys aren’t just for Thailand bars anymore, they provided just the extra muscle to push China over the top of the gold medal race.

Faked Being YoungerFaked Being Younger

Anyone who has ever seen a little leaguer with a full mustache before has seen older girls cheating to be younger. The Chinese athletes are not guilty of any cheating now, their young appearance and in some cases paperwork that shows a younger age was for getting into previous competitions like the junior olympics. They aren’t cheating now, but they were a few years ago, and now they’re past is catching up to them.

Anti-Growth Hormones Anti-Growth Hormones

Like the little trees at Disneyland these tiny athletes are products of science. With designer growth hormones available for years the Chinese have pioneered the science human anti-growth hormones. By taking these hormones athletes in sports like gymnastics can maintain their small figures well into their thirties providing a huge edge in competition.


Who believes Chinese paperwork anyway, so who’s to say (or Chinese president hu – pronounced ‘who’) that these are even human beings. With Chinese stealing technology and copying it from around the world it’s very possible the Chinese have created a new breed of robot capable of dominance with an eye towards world domination and possibly inspired by Battlestar Galactica. (see previous theory on Genetic Engineering) We may soon be repeatedly bowing down to a Chinese robot who doesn’t need to eat, sleep and won’t be tainted by western media influences.

Disney on IceChina country creates knock-offs for a living, so the fact that they produced passports that showed the correct ages should do nothing to settle the accusation that the athletes are underage.

Judge for yourself does this girl look 16 to you?

I’m not sure about her age, but I am pretty sure one of these theories has to be correct.

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded, Science



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