Saved By The Bell where are they now

Posted: September 15, 2008 at 6:51 pm

Saved By The Bell where are they now

Every retard wonders what happened to the cast of past TV shows. While there are several websites that are run by fans stuck in whatever decade a TV show became popular within, there’s hardly a flipside to the sites that tell the truth about where are they now, so let’s run through a run down on the classmates of Saved By The Bell… Enjoy this trip down memory lane in Bayside High School while each actor is graded using our very stringent and unbending Retard Factor.

Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar):

Saved By The Bell's Gosselaar
Before NYPD Blue had detective John Clark, Saved By The Bell had Zack Morris. Along the way to a fizzling career, Zack starred in a 1998 movie Dead Man on Campus and was the central character in the TV show Hyperion Bay, for all 17 episodes of one season. Next he destroyed the series Command in Chief which starred Geena Davis. New projects which Gosselaar will destroy with his incredibly bad luck include a new series Raising the Bar. Only one season will tell how quickly Gosselaar can destroy another TV show. Gosselaar remains friends with Mario Lopez.
Retard Factor:

Albert Clifford “A.C.” Slater (Mario Lopez Jr.):

Saved By The Bell's Lopez
A.C. was always chasing Kelly Kapowski and though he eventually caught her on the show, there’s not much chance that he would have settled for Kelly in real life. In fact, Mario Lopez was too busy with other women in his revolving door of a life to pay much attention to one semi-attractive girl. Lopez was married to the Dorito girl Ali Landry for two weeks back in 2004 but infidelities kept the marriage from continuing. Lopez has been rumored to be gay, but the line of best girl friends whom he shops with insist he just knows how women think.
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Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Thiessen):

Saved By The Bell's Thiessen
Kelly needed a stick to keep Zack and A.C. away from her on the show. Since the show, she’s been photographed nearly nude, really nude, and sometimes in clothes. Thiessen went on to work in Beverly Hills 90210 also, where she played bad-girl Valerie Malone. Now the bad about Thiessen, it seems that she drove a long time boyfriend to suicide (or was it – dun dun dunnn). As of that time, it seems that Thiessen has found an actor that nobody knows to marry (congrats Brady Smith) and has volunteered her wasted decent-looking years to Make-A-Wish Foundation. Here’s my wish, dating Thiessen back when she was still hot.
Retard Factor:

Jessica Myrtle “Jessie” Spano (Elizabeth Berkley):

Saved By The Bell's Berkley
Let’s talk about the 5′10″ tall Jessie Spano for a moment. She looked ridiculous next to the now-assumed-gay Lopez, but that’s alright because he looked like he could have played a helmet-wearing short-bus rider. Berkeley was as teen model for Elite before getting into Saved by the Bell and then destroying any hope of a career by being Nomi Malone in Showgirls (which would have been better if it were just sold as a softcore). After that failure, she found a little role in The First Wives Club which wasn’t a complete failure. Now you could find Berkley on Bravo or other networks where she can hide in shame.
Retard Factor:

Samuel “Screech” Powers (Dustin Diamond):

Saved By The Bell's Diamond
Screech was voted most likely to succeed, and with the release of his “home made movie”, there’s little doubt that he’s got the most recognition as of late (Berkley could have had Diamond with her in the Showgirls movie without an audition). Oddly enough, Diamond is a comedian. Really. Apparently looks are important in life. Diamond had an alleged assault of a child for calling him “Screech”, a problem with the domain name of his name where people insinuated he was gay (Mario Lopez probably started that one) and the sex tape. He’s actually on a roll. Did I forget to mention his alleged debt and how he was facing foreclosure?
Retard Factor:

Lisa Marie Turtle (Lark Voorhies):

Saved By The Bell's Voorhies
After Lisa finished torturing Screech, she turned her acting talent from Saved… to soap operas and some guest appearances on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, recurring rolls in In The House and appeared twice on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Of coures, it’s not all about the high life, as Voorhies is probably trying to convince someone to go with her production company, which will go unnamed on this site as to avoid her evil suing practices.
Retard Factor:

Richard Belding (Dennis Haskins):

Saved By The Bell's Haskins
From being the principal in Saved by the Bell to being the principal in Saved by the Bell: The New Class; it’s quite obvious that Haskins is just a born actor. With the amazing repertoire of acting abilities, it’s quite amazing that Tom Hanks had the opportunity to speak to a volleyball or offer a box of chocolates to anyone while Haskins was alive. Haskins has been credited with 20 other TV and movie appearances, but you just haven’t heard of any of them.
Retard Factor:

Max (Ed Alonzo):

Saved By The Bell's Alonzo
Ed has been on Saved By The Bell, Head of the Class, and Totally Hidden Video. He’s an accomplished comedian, actor, and professional magician. Of course you don’t remember Alonzo but he’s actually been in more recongnizable TV shows than Haskins (Alonzo was also in Full House, Murphy Brown, and Xuxa).
Retard Factor:

Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini):

Saved By The Bell's Remini
Leah Remini use to be hot, and I use to enjoy watching her wear too-many clothes on the Saved By The Bell Malibu Beach episodes. Remini has gone on to a more successful career than other Bellers, including having the very successful TV sitcom The King of Queens. Overall though, Remini is the only standout from the show that seemed to keep the majority of it’s actors out of fame.
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