Astroland amusement park in the Middle East

The world famous yet tacky Astroland amusement park in Coney Island New York recently closed it’s doors this month. The good news is that the park has been indeed sold to an unnamed Middle Eastern country. See the differences between the old park and the new one…

New Branding
Gone are the red white and blue colors of the crusading American Empire… Praise be the prophet Muhammad – green is the official color of the Muslim faith.

Bumper Cars
Appropriately dressed women are allowed to actually drive here, unless they show up with a date or without a veil. In that case they get to become part of the rock toss where children pay a dollar to throw rocks at the heads of unclean women at the stone a whore pavilion.

Concession Stands
Many will recognize Stan the hot dog man – now a full fledged warrior of God. The new concessions are home of the falafel dog is not only hilal (Islamic Kosher) but it’s a fully functional missile battery (Militant Islamics always launch attacks from civilian areas and then label any retaliation as specifically targeting civilians

Cyclone Roller Coaster
The old Cyclone roller coaster has been re branded the "Jihad Rider" take your self up to heaven on your holly mission of Jihad. Chant along with the verses of the Koran instructing you to kill the infidels on your holly mission from God.

Dante’s Inferno
Dante’s Inferno is now the Zionist Inferno – see the horror of the Zionist vampire pigs eating children and tasting the blood of women.

Flume Ride
Undertake a mission of martyrdom on the old Water Flume ride and blow yourself up next to an infidel crusader Destroyer (the USS Cole). Complete with a small fireworks experience followed by a mockup of paradise with 15 Virgins (there was a shortage so they are no longer giving out the traditional 72). Similar to the Small World ride at Disneyland except with a suicide mission angle.

Break Dance
Gone is the rock music and decadent themes of the old break dance ride and now see the artwork of holly martyrs who have taken their cars on a one way mission to paradise. More of a flight simulator than anything else, this ride will teach you the techniques you can use in the real world.

Power Surge
The old power surge is now the Suicide Bomber. Feel what it’s like to have your body hurl into the air after detonating a vest full of explosives in a crowd of innocent civilians enemy combatants and enablers in the war against Islam.

Toys for Girls
Gone is the Barbie slut tempting men into corruption replaced with a tasteful and subservient woman of God. Teach your daughter how the be the very best third bride of a fifty year old man when she reaches twelve years of age.

Toys for Boys
Gone are the little red fire trucks and replacing them are holly rockets aimed at the destruction of Israel. Practice hiding the missiles and mortars in among your civilian toys like hospitals and apartment buildings just like the real thing.

Read More about the old Astroland Park

News about the sale of the rides to the Middle East