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The Last Winter shows how drilling in ANWR could end the world

Last Winter Disease The Last Winter is a cautionary tale about the dangers of drilling in ANWAR. No not global warming, or oil spills but a dangerous and mysterious disease called TLW Disease. It can cause airplanes to crash, ghost dinosaur attacks, homicide, suicide and will basically bring about the end of the world.

Take heed the 2006 blockbuster film which grossed just over $33,190 dollars illustrates the catastrophic perils involved with drilling in ANWAR.

Beware of Ghost Dinosaurs

The Last Winter

You know you’re having a bad day or watching a terribly stupid movie when someone close to you is carried off by a
ghost dinosaur These usually invisible ghosts of giant herds of dinosaur ghosts. The movie asserts that oil fields are actually just dinosaur cemeteries. When the ‘disease’ is in advanced stages the herd is not only visible but will grab you up.

Retard Survival Tip:
To survive simply close your eyes, apparently if you can’t see them they really aren’t there and can’t harm you.

The Last Winter Disease Effects Automobiles

The Last Winter

People are not the only victims of this mysterious disease unlocked by drilling in the arctic. Bulldozers, trucks and snowmobiles all fall victim to the possibly gas emissions released by drilling on the dinosaur cemetery.

Some vehicles have their oil spill out and others simply won’t start.

Retard Survival Tip:
Be sure to carry along some extra motor oil and a jumper cables and an extra pair of hiking boots just in case.

TLW Disease Spread by Human Contact

The Last Winter

When our lone survivor Abby is rescued and taken to a hospital over a hundred miles away she apparently carries The Last Winter or TLW Disease
with her. When she awakes from her rescue the hospital is empty and she stumbles upon her doctor who has already hung himself.

Retard Survival Tip:
Shoot the survivors, they are contagious like in the movie The Ruins (where villagers shoot those who touch the contagious plants) combined with The Happening (Where plants go on a suicide inducing hormone releasing spree).

TLW Disease Causes Fatal Nose-Bleeds
The Last WinterThe Last WInter or TLW Disease
can cause uncontrolled nose bleeds for some unknown reason.
Our e-mail impaired Elliot Jenkins ignores uncontrolled nose bleeds early on in the movie only to lock the door and go to sleep without seeking medical attention.

Retard Survival Tip:
Just because this movie is about drilling doesn’t give you an excuse to go picking your nose. Remember it’s not just gross it’s potentially fatal.

TLW Disease Brings Down Airplanes

The Last Winter

TLW Disease is apparently airborne and causes airplanes to crash barbecuing three victims. Somewhat disturbingly the foreman pins his escape plan on getting 10 people into the tiny four person Cessna 172 (but the movie was on a limited budget).

Retard Survival Tip:
Travel by sea, the air and land are definitely unsafe but no one dies on the water so it’s probably the safest means of transportation.

‘Disease’ Causes Homicidal Behavior

The Last Winter

The strategy of "mainstreaming" is to put children who can’t keep up with grade level work in the class with functioning students. Across the country teachers are spending a huge percentage of their time slowing down their curriculum to try to keep these slower students up with the rest of the class. In Europe there is a college bound tract and a trade school tract where children who aren’t college material are taught valuable trade skills.

Retard Survival Tip:
The homicidal behavior was only exhibited by the nearly 300 pound Dawn Russell character so it’s safe to assume it only effects fat chicks (avoid them at all costs).

TLW Ran Out of Money

The Last Winter

At the end of the movie our lone survivor emerges from her abandoned hospital room to here thumping noises. You can tell the camera starts to pan back to reveal the city she is staring at only to abruptly cut to black. It’s pretty obvious the movie was aiming for one of those 28 Days Later city in ruins shots but lacked the budget.

Retard Survival Tip:
If you don’t have the money to film something leave it out (see original Star Wars). When hiring a script writer don’t grab the same lazy idiot who ended the last episode of the Sopranos by clicking the off button in the middle of a scene.

Dinosaurs Really are Related to Birds

The Last Winter

Scientists have long theorized that dinosaurs somehow evolved into modern day birds. This movie finally puts the debate on that and drilling in ANWAR to rest. Specifically crows are most closely related to dinosaurs. These crows have something to do with the TLW disease, have somehow developed an immunity to live in the Arctic tundra. The crows subsist in the frigid temperatures by consuming the numerous human victims of the TLW disease.

Retard Survival Tip:

Bring along a be bee gun, the crows may or may not have anything to do with the disease but by killing them you can ensure that at least your remains aren’t eaten by the flying scavengers.

 

Dinosaurs Have Antlers

The Last Winter

A giant herd of caribou like dinosaurs with antlers reveals what only a few brave scientists have theorized. This herd appears as wind to the uninfected only to appear and kill their victims once infected by the disease.

Retard Survival Tip:
Take a Bible with you this whole evolution thing is incompatible with the creation theory of God making everything in seven days. The book many not only save your spirit but it might just make these make-believe creatures disappear.

Test Well Small is Small Box

The Last Winter

Originally the movie was going to be shot in the grassy forests of Alaska. When ANWAR became more relevant filming was moved further north and one early shot was left in showing the test well much further south in a grassy area.

Retard Survival Tip:
The test well is nothing more than a large refrigerator sized pandora’s box. Covering it with Chernobyl style domes will lock the deadly disease causing gases inside. With the small size of the well an oversized salad bowl or camping tent should do the trick as the well cap is apparently only a few feet high.
Test Drill

 

A Trailer for the sort of possible future documentary / Horror movie ‘The Last Winter’

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Entertainment, Environmental, Retarded, Science

 

One Response to “The Last Winter shows how drilling in ANWR could end the world”

  1. Not bad at all fellas and galsla. Thanks.

    Hannah on 13 Nov 2015 at 10:57 pm
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