George Lucas wanted to call the new ‘Indiana Jones’ film ‘Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars’. He’s gone from Star Wars, Indiana Jones and American Graffiti to retarded aliens in Indiana Jones so there’s got to be something diagnosably wrong going on with him.
|Isolated in Cult Compound|
George Lucas has spent most of his time isolated from inside a 4,700 acres compound surrounded by loyal followers since 1978. Psychologists refer to this sort of social arrangement a cult.
SOLUTION: Have the FBI raid the compound like they did with the Branch Dividians in Waco.
|Too Much Money|
When Star Wars went over budget Lucas negotiated a deal which would give him licensing rights for the film in exchange for giving up salary. He makes so much money off of licensing he can afford to do whatever he wants, including films no one else likes.
SOLUTION: Vote for Obama, within four years he will have roughly $40,000 dollars left over.
|Wife Ran Off|
George Lucas has never recovered professionally or emotionally from his wife Marcia Lucas running off with another man. Marcia was an Oscar winning editor who was able to filter out his dumber ideas which now riddle his movies. It’s rumored he solid Pixar a company now worth $7 billion to pay the divorce.
SOLUTION: Force him to marry a talented editor to provide a back seat driver providing editorial control on his films.
|Lord Acton’s dictum "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" is true with George Lucas. His absolute control over the Star Wars has corrupted him absolutely.
SOLUTION: The Star Wars Empire has become a sci-fi monopoly and is too large for any one person. Simply impose a windfall profit tax on Lucas personally and break up the empire like momma Bell.
|Over Reliance on CGI|
George Lucas has spent so much time concentrating on special effects that they have no reality to them. Jaws was great because you didn’t see the shark over and over. Star Wars had around 300 special effects shots, the Clones movies each had around 2,000.
SOLUTION: Put Lucas on a quota of no more than 1,000 special effects shots per film and have someone giving a thumbs up or down if they are too fake looking.
If there was ever a case of someone with a clinical case of ‘furry fetishitis’ it would be Lucas. The man puts teddy bears in movies for crying out loud.
SOLUTION: Put a temporary restraining order on Lucas between himself and imaginary furry creatures of 200 yards.
|Made up His Own Religion|
Lucas eventually came to state that his religion was "Buddhist Methodist." His producer Gary Kurtz, a Latter-day Saint who had studied Comparative Religion extensively in college and on his own, was pivotal in introducing Lucas to Eastern religions (particularly Buddhism) and Native American religion.
SOLUTION: Only crazy people make up their own religions, force him to pick one or the other or convert to Jewish Muslim.
|Obsessed with Toys|
George Lucas is so obsessed with Star Wars toys he personally approves every toy licensed for Star Wars merchandising. This is just north of cuckoo for a grown 64 year old man.
SOLUTION: Take away all of his toys and spin off a Star Wars toy company.
George Lucas is of the hippy generation, from the bay area, overweight, doesn’t like to work much and imagines space creatures named jar jar binks for a living. If anyone was an obvious drug user it’s George Lucas.
SOLUTION: Six weeks of rehab and regular drug testing should clear his movies up from enough incoherent weird crap they’d be watch able.
|Lucas Died in 1982|
In 1982 the last good Lucas film was made and depressed about his failing marriage he committed suicide. Like the fake McCartney a double was selected to carry on the franchise. Sadly the imposter Lucas isn’t really all that creative and comes up with some really stupid stuff.
SOLUTION: Uncover the truth and declare the end of the stupid movies once and for all.
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