What will Oprah do when she retires?

Posted: November 10, 2008 at 11:59 pm

What will Oprah do when she retires?

Oprah Winfrey has announced her retirement from her popular TV show in 2011. The question all of us loyal fans have on our minds is just what will the queen of daytime do once she gives up her crown?

Replace Biden as Vice President

Joe Biden is a liability with medical problems and Oprah would bring a ringer in as a popular woman for his 2012 re-election. The 2011 date for her retirement is no coincidence.

Retard Factor:

Pull a Brett Favre and Un-Retire

Sure she promised to retire but celebrities pull that crap all the time. She’ll be just like Brett Favre pull an emotional retirement then show up on another channel for new money next season.

Retard Factor:

Establish Her Own Religion

She has millions under her spell and can only make so much through her talk show. The solution form her own religion and rake in the cash.

Retard Factor:

Professional Eating Competitor

With a love of food and a competitive desire that won’t quit she will combine the two and go on the professional eater’s circuit.

Retard Factor:

Reveal She’s a Man

This recently uncovered picture shows Chicago cross dresser Oscar Green AKA Oprah Winfrey. Masquerading as a woman this real life Tootsie will reveal to the world a rather large surprise.

Retard Factor:

Return to Acting Full-Time

Obsessed with hollywood stars on her show Oprah can’t wait to dominate the big screen after decades on the small screen.

Retard Factor:

Create Book Publishing Empire

Oprah’s book club has led the media mogul into a abnormal fixation with books. She plans on opening her own book publishing house and single-handedly revive the struggling industry or waste every penny she’s ever made.

Retard Factor:

Tryout For the NFL’s Buffalo Bills

Years of working out, and rumors of steroid abuse will lead this diva to push her bulky body onto the field to become the first woman to play in the NFL.

Retard Factor:

Open All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants

Fat women like to eat, and Oprah is going to cash in big time with a chain of all you can eat restaurants. The hook is the restaurants allow you to take home food and will be the only place you can see her simulcast daily.

Retard Factor:

Reveal She’s White