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A retard’s guide to cheating

Retards Guide to Cheating Cheating isn’t just for politicians who want to get elected anymore – you too can use the web to cheat your way to happiness for less than you might think. Here is our retarded guide to cheating on the internet.

Cheat on Your Spouse
Cheating for retards
If you’re already in a relationship but want something on the side AshleyMadison has just what you are looking for. You can cheat with others looking to cheat without having to make up a story about leaving your spouse for her at some imaginary point in the future.

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Fake Alibi
Cheating for retards
Now that you’re wife found out about your affair the good people at fakealibi.com are a full service boutique offering every kind of alibi imaginable. They have everything from fake phone calls, to fake vacation itineraries and receipts. Perfect for an having an affair or just murdering that special someone in your life.

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Cheating at Warcraft
Cheating for retards
Now that you’ve murdered your wife you’ll have plenty of time on your hands to play video games. Buymyaccounts offers guaranteed characters for Warcraft without all the hard work of playing for hundreds of hours online.

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Cheating on CSI
Cheating for retards
Now that the family of your deceased spouse has noticed your lack of remorse by playing video games all day you’ll need to take precautions. A decent murder kit will help keep you out of jail. Hair bleach is your best fried oxygen-producing detergents will help get rid of evidence.

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Cheating on a Drug Test
Cheating for retards
Now that you’ve murdered someone you’ll be riddled with guilt and unable to sleep. After a few weeks it’s safe to assume that you will begin self-medicating and most jobs test for drugs. So turn to testdetox and try to cover up that drug test and avoid unwanted suspicion from the police.

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Cheating on Term Papers
Cheating for retards
Now that you’ve got a full-fledged drug habit to pay for and have been spending money on an alibi you’ll need a better job assuming that detox crap didn’t work. The good folks at termpaperexperts have just the essay you’ll need to pass.

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Get a Flake Diploma
Cheating for retardsBetween not sleeping and turning in pre-fabricated term papers it’s unlikely you’ll graduate. So again let’s take the easy way out and cheat — a College or University Diploma and Transcript from $200-400.00 depending on the site. Diploma center even offers a buy one get one free special!

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Cheating on MCSE
Cheating for retards
Now that you’ve got your fake diploma you can pad your resume with some Microsoft Certifications. Test King offers a full suite of actual certification tests and answers online. They will even guarantee your certification with a money-back offer.

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Cheating at Poker
Cheating for retards
Nothing brings that rush of killing back into your blood stream better than gambling. The good folks at Hold’em Secrets have a foolproof program that will tell you exactly what to do and you might even win.

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Buy a Fake ID
Cheating for retards
Assuming the police will eventually figure things out you will need to escape the country. You will need a fake ID to get out of the country and FakeID master is a good place to start looking for one. Failing that you can just pull a reverse Mexican and go the other direction anywhere along the border.

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Get Fake Muscles
Cheating for retards
Just in case you can’t escape the country you will need a back up plan. Prison is OK as long as you are on top, and to be pitching instead of catching you will need some muscles and you will need them fast. Steroids and HGH will help bulk you up and keep you on top.

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded, Tips & Tricks

 

2 Responses to “A retard’s guide to cheating”

  1. Ha ha, thanks for the advice, good job retardzone keep up the good work:-)

    zena on 04 Jan 2009 at 4:24 am
  2. 😀

    Ohhhhhh

    ORGASM!

    Blow Job Betty on 09 Jan 2009 at 10:08 pm
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