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A retards guide to video sites

Video sites Every other teenager with a Macintosh computer has turned into a video production idiot. So what happens to the millions of videos that are created by the millions of retards? With so many people making videos and nearly every person being some sort of attention whore it’s impossible for just one over-hyped website to be popular. Enjoy a quick walkthrough of the more popular and well known video sites along with some statistics that aren’t commonly known.

YouTube (est. 2/2005)
YouTube Anyone can make a video in today’s day. Really. I have a grandmother that died 6 years ago and she’s still making videos. Unfortunately for my grandma though, dead people are not allowed to post on YouTube. The good news is that every living person in the world is allowed to post on YouTube and you can tell that they do because the shear volume of the videos and crappy quality of the average video are breathtakingly painful.
Hosted videos: over 550,000,000
Time to watch all: over 3,946 years
Web popularity: 3rd most visited site in the U.S.
PageRank: 9
Veoh (est. 6/2005)
Veoh Veoh would be the younger, unknown relative to YouTube. Like the cousin in your family that everyone knows exists but never talks to and tries to avoid at family reunions. Veoh has signed up deals with several television studios and will stream anything from anyone, including stuff from YouTube. Though Veoh is known by several Internet users, there have been several challenges to their publicized audience of 28 million users a month.
Hosted videos: over 320,000,000 (self-reported)
Time to watch all: over 5,936 years
Web popularity: 88th most visited site in the U.S.
PageRank: 7
Metacafe (est. 5/2001)
Metacafe Metacafe only hosts top movies and funny videos according to the site’s title. After spending hours on the site it’s easily debatable that there are only top movies and funny videos, since I saw many more stupid and wasteful movies than the other two claimed categories, put together. While surfing the site you will notice many of the same attention hungry posters here as on YouTube and Veoh and other video sites.
Hosted videos: over 945 (search results)
Time to watch all: who cares?
Web popularity: 124th most visited site in the U.S.
PageRank: 7
Yahoo! Video (est. 6/2006)
Yahoo! Video Yahoo! video started out with just the ability to upload videos but later relaunched itself to focus on Yahoo-hosted video only. Now the site tries to show “premium” video from all of Yahoo!’s sites along with user uploaded crap. Since the service is free you get what you pay for mostly, though I did see an entertaining video or two while hunting for something involving sex.
Hosted videos: lots
Time to watch all: 2 minutes before boredom sets in
Web popularity: 124th most visited site in the U.S.
PageRank: 8 (well, there is no specific stat for Yahoo!’s video)
MySpace Video (est. 6/2006)
MySpace Video MySpace just cheated. First they hit the market quicker and with more aggression than Facebook, then they unleash video action all over their users. It was quite a good idea and since most of the tweeners are using Macs (since they aren’t PC proficient yet) and have nothing better to do than write crap on MySpace all day long, it’s just amazing that YouTube doesn’t start giving away crack or coke to them in order to get their audience.
Hosted videos: all of ’em
Time to watch all: forever and ever
Web popularity: 7
PageRank: 8

Really it seems to be that video sites generate a lot of traffic and have some pretty incredible opportunities for income. If you were going to do something to make money and having some sort of video that solicits money from people is your way, you should probably look into getting some serious video software or get a professional company to help you out.

There are several software products that you could use and depending on the hardware platform that you were using there are easy and ugly software programs. But if you truly want to make money with a video you are going to have to go professional, which means that you need to put out some money in order to get a great company to handle your video presentation.

Richter Studios is one of the video production service companies that comes up decently high in search engines. Just out of curiousity, Retard Zone looked further into Richter Studios and found the regular stuff that most people would find when looking at a company with a parascope or minty scope or some sort of scope thing that looks at details.

Claiming to have been “creating presentations for over 10 years”, puts the side of experience with Richter. Though a lot of companies might come up with exponentially higher numbers (hiding behind the guise of years of experience), it would seem that a younger company, one that is fresher, would be a better choice. These aren’t the days of the 70’s and 80’s, this is a new day and having more cutting edge knowledge and experience would definitely play better for effective video appeal.

Some companies try to specialize in one area of knowledge, which seems like a good idea most of the time. For some reason Richter seems a little spread out by offering video production and website development. Though there might be some connection between the two, I’m not sure if a company that offers programming language assistance (“… PHP, SQL, Lingo, Action Script, HTML, XML, ASP or any of the other programming languages out there.”) is also the company that I would want for professional presentation services.

When Google street view starting capturing the United States, street at a time, it enabled a new bunch of stalkers and voyeurs. In this case, you are able to look at a potential company to do business with and properly arm yourself before going to the company. Though Richter is in Chicago, it doesn’t look like the worst parts of Chicago that you could be traveling through (and their are conveniently located near a cleaner!).

Overall it seems that if you want to make money and have the knowledge to come up with some idea than you should probably concentrate on your strengths and either have a poop inhaling teenage neighbor use his Mac and make you a video or seek professional assistance from the most pro looking site that comes up when you Google.

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Posted By: Michael Sharpe

News Category: Retarded, Technerd


One Response to “A retards guide to video sites”

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    Mic on 13 Nov 2015 at 10:58 pm

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