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TicketFeeder.com launches state of the art seating technology

George Lucas Ticketfeeder.com has launched cutting edge ‘Take a Seat’ stadium seating technology. In the past fans would have only a vague idea of where they were sitting, but now they can chart exactly where they will be seating. This new technology like google maps sadly can be dangerous in put in the wrong hands and we’re here to think worse case scenarios.

Stadium Layout

TicketFeeder.com’s "Take a Seat" maps show the coordinates of available seats and allow users to click on the exact section and seats that they would like to purchase.

The "Take a Seat" feature is just one more way that TicketFeeder.com is differentiating itself from other ticket retailers. The company prides itself on assisting customers purchasing tickets with the easiest, most updated tools in the industry and the best website for selection and convenience. At TicketFeeder, telephones are answered by people and online real-time customer service is the norm.

Here are just some of the unforeseen consequences of this cutting edge technology:

Look for an easy way on to the field, and try to distance yourself from first responders to give yourself maximum exposure.

DOWNSIDE: More streakers will make games even longer.


Freaky Sign Holders
Using TicketFeeder you can now estimate where cameras will be pointed to get your moron sign on television.

Advertisers will pay less if these freeloaders get better exposure during sporting events.
Assassins & Terrorists

In the past ticket buyers had to rely on an operator to pick their "best available" seats to an event (like at Ticketmaster) or those who have tried to decipher a tiny ticket map online (like at Stubhub) now have an innovative new alternative.

DOWNSIDE: They can pick a clean shot and try to stay one step ahead of the police before they strike.

People with Overactive Bladders
No more embarrassing accidents, use TicketFeeder’s innovative new system to plot the shortest route to the nearest bathroom.

DOWNSIDE: People will make more trips to the bathroom further lengthening lines and make it less likely for women to attend sporting events.

Make sure you are right in the path of your least favorite sports person to harass them with maximum efficiency.

DOWNSIDE: Professional athletes will be so fed up with fans they will go back to the only other job they are qualified for – selling cars.

Stalk that sports personality that isn’t answering any of your 4,000 fan letters. Or follow your ex around, seeing you having fun at a sporting event will finally convince her to come back to you.

DOWNSIDE: The government can now track exactly where you’re sitting so it’s time to break out the tinfoil.

Station yourself near a bathroom, day care area or in the bleachers where hot chicks might sun themselves during day games.

: These perverts will make fewer hot chicks go to games which will in turn make straight males and lesbians less likely to show up.

Hungry Lazy People
Station yourself near your favorite food stations, no more walking all the way to the other end of the stadium for your favorite confection. Book your seat with the minimum walking distance to your favorite foods.

Fatter fans will burden the already struggling health care system.
Camera Wh0res
That moron who wants to see himself on TV and wave to his imaginary friends will have an easier way to calculate where to sit.

DRAWBACK: These ugly people will hurt ratings, and team revenues.

Prematurely Exiting Fans
Now TicketFeeder is making it even easier to leave before the end of the game and miss the rush. You can find the nearest seat and parking to get on the freeway before the end of the big game.

DRAWBACK: Unfortunately this will only encourage more people to leave before games end and cut concession sales in this down economy.


Technology like this certainly has it’s pitfalls as well as benefits. Perhaps limiting such features to people who have at least ten friends on facebook would weed out some of the freaks.

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Humor, News


9 Responses to “TicketFeeder.com launches state of the art seating technology”

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