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Eye makeup: tattoos for women who can’t make up their minds

Eye Makeup Some women simply wear eye makeup and other women take the opportunity to put graffiti on themselves up without the cost or permanence of a tattoo. Here are the ten most common eye makeup facial gang signs to look out for.

The Trailblazer
Sure you have eyebrows, but for those who can’t or don’t want to connect the dots try the trailblazer. Be creative, try the half circle, or just color in a facial expression with your eye makeup. 1

The Glittering Piñata
Take a liberal amount of glitter and combine with as much makeup on your face to make that special man in the champagne room happy. Remember you don’t have to be hispanic to look like a 15 year old child bride married to an MS13 gang member! 2
The Empty Bottle

There are some really good deals on eye makeup out there. If a little looks good the whole bottle will look really good.

The Racoon
The racoon is a classic, and you don’t have to start sticking metal in your face to play goth for the day. Start circling your eyes with makeup until you look like woman who’s been beaten repeatedly or you run out of makeup. 4
The Bridge to Nowhere
The unibrow isn’t just for cavemen anymore, it can draw attention from the rest of you if you repeatedly fell out of the ugly tree. If you’re feeling adventurous try mapping out goggles around your face or something even more fun! 5
The Foot-Long
Nothing spells class like ten-inch fingernails, and let’s try for eyelashes to match. It might be heavy to hold them open, but chicks blinking can be alluring and probably won’t lead to a car accident while driving. 6
The Adam’s Apple
This look has been perfected by cross dressers since the village people made gay cool. Pile enough makeup on like a ten-year old and any woman can be mistaken for a man. Who knows you might even land a man who likes to shop, can match clothes and likes to talk. 7
The Me Love You Long Timer
You don’t need to work at a massage parlor to look like a million Yen. Apply nothing on top (like an asian woman) and plenty on the sides and bottom and you are ready to love me long time. 8
The Coloring Book
Colors are your friend, the more unusual and the more of it the better. Don’t discount that day glow eye makeup it could save your life walking home in the dark. 9
The Casper
If you are a pasty looking white girl or just want to look like one go for the ‘Casper’. Make your eyelashes and eyebrows look as thin as possible and pile on the skin tone till you look like a heroine addict. 10

To avoid making these mistakes due to color blindness, lack of fashion sense or simply want to be part of the herd try a social networking site devoted to chick crap like stylehive.

Remember your face is your canvas, and you can wash this crap off every night and create a whole new masterpiece tomorrow. Just think of them as tattoos for the indecisive or those who have attention deficit disorder. I’m not sure which one I can’t makeup my mind, what was I babbling about?


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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded


One Response to “Eye makeup: tattoos for women who can’t make up their minds”

  1. Oh I ma so Sorry I just saw my Name in the Top 3..thank you so much for the Honour..All the Winning Entries are so beautiful :)Can I Mail you for My Top 3 badge..I hope I can still get it !!Thanks,Hussena.

    Kire on 13 Nov 2015 at 11:36 pm

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