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Top 10 radical changes to save the economy & the planet

Save the Economy and the World House Speaker Nancy Pelosi recently said on ABC that abortion & contraception funding in the new stimulus package will save the government money. They reduce costs for children’s health, and education. These are drastic times, so here are some more drastic measures to save even more cash, turn this economy around and help save the planet.

Suicide Clinics
This one is the least controversial, they already want to die and the government would simply be providing a service. Just think of it as a really, really late term abortion.

Reduced population, reduced health care costs

Death Sentence for Failing School
Execute students who don’t graduate sounds extreme but would could be a bigger motivation for kids? These failures grow up to go on unemployment, crime, or other low wage jobs that are a drag on the economy.

BENEFITS: Improved test scores, fewer losers, lower crime rates

Carousel From Logan’s Run

We can’t pay for Social Security without drastic steps, and public executions are just the ticket. Those whose quality of life have made them useless to the economy are a burden we can no longer afford. Once seniors reach retirement age they must pass certain health standards or get on the carousel.

BENEFITS: Social Security solvency, huge budget windfall, new reality TV programming

Cougars in the Playground

Humans have gone far too long without a natural predator. Let’s face it we are just animals and we need predation to remove the slow from the herd.

BENEFITS: Reduced class sizes, faster healthier kids with lower childhood obesity rates

One Child Policy

China has been the economic powerhouse of the world since it adopted the one-child policy. Parents can concentrate their love and attention without spreading themselves too thin.

BENEFITS: Reduced population, smaller class sizes, better test scores


Drown the Handicapped

Similar to the cliff of Sparta where the weak were removed from the population, people would be required to swim across a deep swimming pool every few years. Everyone would be given an equal opportunity

BENEFITS: More American Olympic swimmers, fewer handicapped health care expenses, fewer witches.

Prison Reform
If we are going to catch the Chinese we need to copy them like a cheap plastic toy knock off. They put their prisoners to use through labor camps, involuntary organ donations and as a deterrent to others.

BENEFITS: Reduced crime, lower prison expenses, huge pool of free labor.

Human Hunting Permits

A few dozen Texans with rifles would reduce illegal immigration to practically nothing. Hunters might even pay to shoot wily inmates sentenced to death.

BENEFITS: Reduced illegal immigration would save billions in benefits and reduce population.

Ban Religion
Many argue that religion causes all the wars, so let’s create world peace by banning them altogether. Mormons and Catholics combine to create ten times as many children as apathetic atheists.

BENEFITS: World peace, lower population and lower greenhouse emissions.

Ban Toys

Capitalism and material greed starts with children. Toys are nearly all plastic and contribute to millions of tons of toxic trash a year. Just round them up and stop the cycle of greed once and for all.

BENEFITS: An end to greed, social disparity and a cleaner environment.


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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Political, Retarded


3 Responses to “Top 10 radical changes to save the economy & the planet”

  1. Hey the stupid google ads are being placed right in the middle of your articles, man that’s annoying.
    I have a photo but no way to attach to this email.


    Greg on 05 Feb 2009 at 11:09 am
  2. Greg, sorry that there is a stupid Google ad in the middle of the article. If people accidentally (or intentionally) clicked the Google ads on the side of the article then we would keep them out of your way.

    Michael on 05 Feb 2009 at 2:18 pm
  3. Micheal, who the **** are you? I mean this is Jerome’s article, so just back the **** up. Anybody who isn’t retarded uses some type of ad blocker and gets to the good stuff. You know, the hot photos of Nancy Pelosi. Oh man, you know how bad you want to rape that bitch. Hold her weak little ass down, all women are weak and no matter how much they struggle it is so easy to hold them down, that’s the point of this article, right? Oh yeah! Don’t be retarded Micheal, be more like Jerome.

    Shawn on 19 Feb 2010 at 9:43 pm

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