House Speaker Nancy Pelosi recently said on ABC that abortion & contraception funding in the new stimulus package will save the government money. They reduce costs for children’s health, and education. These are drastic times, so here are some more drastic measures to save even more cash, turn this economy around and help save the planet.
|This one is the least controversial, they already want to die and the government would simply be providing a service. Just think of it as a really, really late term abortion.
BENEFITS: Reduced population, reduced health care costs
|Death Sentence for Failing School|
|Execute students who don’t graduate sounds extreme but would could be a bigger motivation for kids? These failures grow up to go on unemployment, crime, or other low wage jobs that are a drag on the economy.
BENEFITS: Improved test scores, fewer losers, lower crime rates
|Carousel From Logan’s Run|
We can’t pay for Social Security without drastic steps, and public executions are just the ticket. Those whose quality of life have made them useless to the economy are a burden we can no longer afford. Once seniors reach retirement age they must pass certain health standards or get on the carousel.
BENEFITS: Social Security solvency, huge budget windfall, new reality TV programming
|Cougars in the Playground|
Humans have gone far too long without a natural predator. Let’s face it we are just animals and we need predation to remove the slow from the herd.
BENEFITS: Reduced class sizes, faster healthier kids with lower childhood obesity rates
|One Child Policy|
China has been the economic powerhouse of the world since it adopted the one-child policy. Parents can concentrate their love and attention without spreading themselves too thin.
BENEFITS: Reduced population, smaller class sizes, better test scores
|Drown the Handicapped|
Similar to the cliff of Sparta where the weak were removed from the population, people would be required to swim across a deep swimming pool every few years. Everyone would be given an equal opportunity
BENEFITS: More American Olympic swimmers, fewer handicapped health care expenses, fewer witches.
If we are going to catch the Chinese we need to copy them like a cheap plastic toy knock off. They put their prisoners to use through labor camps, involuntary organ donations and as a deterrent to others.
BENEFITS: Reduced crime, lower prison expenses, huge pool of free labor.
|Human Hunting Permits|
A few dozen Texans with rifles would reduce illegal immigration to practically nothing. Hunters might even pay to shoot wily inmates sentenced to death.
BENEFITS: Reduced illegal immigration would save billions in benefits and reduce population.
|Many argue that religion causes all the wars, so let’s create world peace by banning them altogether. Mormons and Catholics combine to create ten times as many children as apathetic atheists.
BENEFITS: World peace, lower population and lower greenhouse emissions.
Capitalism and material greed starts with children. Toys are nearly all plastic and contribute to millions of tons of toxic trash a year. Just round them up and stop the cycle of greed once and for all.
BENEFITS: An end to greed, social disparity and a cleaner environment.