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Tiger Wood’s new job

Tiger Woods New JobTiger Woods has recently found himself semi-unemployed, and with inflation looming he’ll need to find himself another job soon if he wants to maintain the lifestyle he’s accustomed to. Here are six recession proof industries that can afford to employ Tiger through these difficult times.

The US Army
Tiger’s dad was in the Army so it’s this one’s a natural. The Army is always hiring and with two wars with no end in site they’ll need all the good publicity they can grab on to. What’s a better sell to 18 year old males than a millionaire with a supermodel.

Plus if the Army ends it’s don’t ask don’t tell policy he’s a hunky beefcake that show just how sexy men in uniform look.

1
Nursing
Nurses can make over a hundred thousand dollars a year and with the greatest generation in diapers someone needs to clean up after them.

This is your chance to make near doctor money without having to get into medical school and act like you know more than doctors. Plus since the 1980s cute nurses are no longer in vogue and even ugly chicks can apply.

2
The Government
The government is always hiring, and if they run short on money they can raise taxes or just print more money. Plus 2008 has taught us the public will elect an inexperienced black candidate offering nothing more than hope over any number of experienced white candidates.

3
The Police
Law enforcment is the fastest growing public sector job and security jobs are the fastest in the private sector. WIth the economy worsening more people will turn to crime and we’ll need an army of cops to chase them down.

If Tiger can make golf cool he can make donuts and guns downright rivetting.

4
Teaching
Tiger is smart and he went to Stanford for two years before dominating the world of golf so he’s seen a classroom.

Teachers have the budget to pull this off with an average salary of $60,000 a year in California. Teaching isn’t the oldest profession in the world but it’s aging and with a generation of teachers ready to retire Tiger could help recruit the next one.

5
Collection Agencies
With millions of people defaulting on student loans, credit cards and home mortgages someone has to make those harassing phone calls asking for money. We’ll need an army of phone operators pressuring people to pay their bills if we’re going to save our financial institutions in between government bailouts. Tiger’s bright smile can put a fresh face behind those cubicled heroes dialing for dollars.

6
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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Celebrity, Financial, Retarded

 

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