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Top 10 signs Michael Phelps was a stoner

Hollywood Curses The signs were all there, looking back it was obvious that Michael Phelps was not just the world’s greatest swimmer of all time but he was the greatest stoner athlete of all time. Here are the top ten signs we should have known before those pics came out of him over the weekend.

Appetite
When someone is downing pancakes like he’s starving and goes through over 10,000 calories a day that’s not just hunger at work. That’s an olympic case of the muchies.

Symptom:
* Increased appetite

1

Mumbling Interviews
His interviews are meandering mumbling stumbling misadventures in foggy thinking. After a two minute interview with Phelps you wonder how he found the other end of the pool.

Symptoms:
* Impaired judgment
* Inappropriate laughter
* Impaired short-term memory

2
Glazed look on face

This swimmer looks like he’s about to fall asleep and drown in the pool at every turn. You’d think he was in a jacuzzi after drinking a few beers not in a cold swimming pool racing at olympic speeds with a face like this.

Symptoms:
* Sleepy appearance

3
Not Chasing After Endorsements

Sure he was on a cereal box and has had a few commercials but for the winner of the most medals in world history he’s not cashing in like he should.

Symptom:
* Continued marijuana use despite significant problems related to use (e.g., financial/legal problems or neglecting responsibilities).

4
Believes he’s Aquaman

The press has covered this up but we have it on very reliable third person unnamed sources that heard it from someone who says they heard it from someone who knows Phelps that he thinks he’s Aquaman. Here is photographic evidence of his delusion.

Symptom:
* Altered perception of reality(e.g., hallucinations, delusions and suspicious thoughts).

 

5
Awkward Celebrations

A the time his over the top celebrations seemed like patriotic exuberance, but this isn’t the behavior of a normal person winning the world’s 143rd most popular sport.

Symptom:
* Grandiosity (acting in a pompous or boastful manner)

6
23 and Never Had a Job
Sure swimming is fun, and training takes time but there is no professional swimming league to go onto after the olympics. This guy has never had a real job and cereal endorsement cash only goes so far.

Symptom:
* Reduced motivation

7
Eyes

Many simply assumed his bloodshot buggy eyes were the result of prolonged exposure to chlorinated pool water, know we know the truth.

Symptoms:
* Dilated (large) pupils
* Bloodshot eyes

8
Dumb Even Among Athletes
In a world of stupid athletes Michael Phelps has set himself apart as being a world class idiot.

Symptoms:
* Difficulty thinking
* Chronic reduction of attention span

9
Effeminate Appearance

For a guy who is being chased by and photographed with women constantly pictures like this make you wonder.

Symptom:
• lowering of testosterone

10

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Celebrity, Retarded

 

6 Responses to “Top 10 signs Michael Phelps was a stoner”

  1. HA! Great list, and yea he’s a stoner, but I knew all along, guess it takes a stoner to really see a stoner. But still, good non the less!

    Also there’s a slight typo on #8 being “know we know” probably wanted “now we know”

    Snoodles!

    XtCrAvE on 14 Mar 2009 at 5:27 pm
  2. why the hell is he even wearing pants in reason 10? look at that! they just barely cover his dick/ pussy. (i wouldnt know due to reason 10)! lol

    chris on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:22 pm
  3. hahahahahha i love it!!!!!! i totally agree lol

    Alaina on 14 Jun 2010 at 9:14 am
  4. “Altered perception of reality(e.g., hallucinations, delusions and suspicious thoughts”

    sorry but you girls have got it all wrong. if you asked any doctor the symptoms of marijuana he would assure you that hallucinations and delusions are not known side effects. the person who wrote this article was a retard. the aquaman delusion referenced is impossible, conjured by the make of the video. **** this ****.

    Kevin on 12 Feb 2011 at 9:10 pm
  5. Lighten up, what can you expect from a website with this name? Besides, that reason is so obviously meant to be funny, I doubt anyone took the symptoms seriously. (or read this to see symptoms anyways) and acting like a douche with a temper isn’t helping any ones image of stoners, most of whom are moderately intelligent, kind, helpful (if a bit eccentric) people such as me and Xt CrAvE up there

    cody on 16 Mar 2011 at 8:27 pm
  6. A site without ceotnnt is not a site. Content is important. But so are a lot of other SEO factors. Just like a piano, don’t consentrate on one key and ignore all the others.

    Karanveer on 13 Nov 2015 at 11:25 pm
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