Position: Fullback
(anything that directly avoids bodily contact)

Profile:
Deborah doesn’t mess around you know exactly what you’re getting into when you see the scabs on her face.

Salary:
200 roses per disease

Position: Tight End
(prior to contact)

Profile:
Steven says once you go hidden dragon you won’t go black, but you will be so hungry an hour later.

Salary:
50 roses per special, with dim sum specials

Age: 61

Nickname: Naughty Granny

Position: Coach
(she’ll teach you what granny really likes)

Profile:
Catherine is the veteran of this team with old school moves from the greatest generation. If you can get past the dryness, shame and nausea you might actually learn something.

Salary:
161 roses, but no acrobatic positions

Age: 26

Nickname: Bubbles

Position: Left Tackle
(anything but on top)

Profile:
Once Lori starts jiggling it’s like riding a broken washing machine, just hold on to anything you can grab on to and pray for the best. Be sure not to let any of your buddies see this one coming or going and she’s a bargain.

Salary:
1 rose per pound

Age: 23

Nickname: Tank

Position: Defensive End
(let her do anything she wants and if give her your wallet afterwards is she asks for it if you know what’s good for you)

Profile:
Sequoia will make you feel like a teenager again as she holds you down and has her way with you.

Salary:
170 roses, or just divide her weight in two.

Age: 49

Nickname: The Dry Cleaner

Position: Nickelback
(she always asks for change)

Profile:
Sung charges by the minute and there are no refunds. If you are looking for a good bargain and have some dry cleaning she can handle take care of all of your needs.

Salary:
49 roses for a spin

Position: Linebacker
(she’s hot but you will never get to first base when her Russian pimp rolls you on the way into the hotel room)

Profile:
Svetlia is a good dye job and five years of hard living and meth removed from being a real hottie.

Salary:
300 roses

Age: 34

Nickname: Snake

Position: Wide Receiver
(pretty much anything goes with snake)

Profile:
Tula who according to police records was born a man will treat you like one. Remember it’s doesn’t really count as gay if you’re pitching and not catching (prison rules).He’s femaleish enough that you won’t know the difference as long as she doesn’t talk or turn around.

Salary:
80 roses (although you might get paid if you’re good looking enough)

Position: Interior Line
(the veteran)

Profile:
Blondie will treat you right and has very reasonable rates. She’s no nonsense but all woman unlike some other players on this team, even if she is nearing the end of her career.

Salary:
150 roses

Age: 24

Nickname: Bambi

Position: Punter
(just be glad that between her emotional instability and drug habit she’s willing to touch a creep like you)

Profile:
Amber could be a trophy wife if she could kick that meth habit and find a cure for a dozen different diseases. Bambi is cute and is definitely the only two dollar girl on this roster, definitely worth the extra money.

Salary:
400 roses