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The most beautiful plain text email ever

The most beautiful plain text email everSpam. I’m tired of spam. I like phishing attempts because I find it a challene to outsmart the person attempting to outsmart me. Of course, sometimes love is just one spam message away…

To the surprise of the email hosting center, Emma was able to circumvent their usually intelligent filtering system and sneak me a message. I’m most likely in love… well, except for the issue of religion.

Why is it that in a perfectly good spam message, “God” needs to be mentioned?

Emma is going to have a much lower chance of getting anything from me (like the lottery people, the daughter of the dead oil tycoon, and the Nigerians who still should be wiring me money soon).

Tell the truth Emma, you really aren’t interested in me, you just want me to join your cult religion.

Maybe Emma is a wiccan?

emai from Emma

Let me just try to break this down a little more….

Hi, How are you today? I hope you are fine. If so thanks to God Almighty.
Umm… Hi back. I’m alright today. Your hope was successful. Thanks to God? Why? What did God have to do with my being alright? If I were having a craptastic day, would that be thanks to God too?

Please excuse me, I saw your contact email while browsing through the internet so I decide to contact you.
Really now, if you need to excuse yourself then maybe you shouldn’t have committed to disturbing me.

It will be my pleasure to communicate with you.
You’re off to a great start. You have actually communicated in the fact that I received your email.

My name is Emma.
I’m pretty doubtful, but I’ll play along. My name is Michael.

I am here to complete my studies.
You are emailing me. Where is here? I’m here too. And there.

I am single, looking for honest and nice person.
Being single is really the description of a normal birth. Some births yield simese twins.

Somebody who care and fear God whom I can partner with.
If you are fearing God, does that mean you’ve spoken with it and it’s something to fear? I’m not sure who God is, but maybe its something that Chuck Norris could help you with, he doesn’t seem very fearful.

I don’t care about colour or ethnicity.
I do. Mostly because in America the word colour doesn’t have a “u” in it. Ethnicity isn’t so bad, if it weren’t for being able to see color you know that Whoopi Goldberg would be assumed Jewish.

I would like to know you more, most especially what you like and what you dislike.
Hmm.. I like women waiting on me. Sex. Video games. Sex. Oh, and I dislike not having sex. Also, I’m not really into pointless emails from non-existent people.

I am sending you this beautiful mail with wish for much happiness.
Thanks for the wish, I assume in whatever mystical world you live in wishes and God are both real. As for a beautiful email, there were no attachments and the plain text removed whatever you did to make the email beautiful.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Are you able to hear me? Maybe you have some probe in my brain. I was sure that my aluminum foil helmet was helping, but perhaps your powers are to strong for Reynold’s Wrap.

Thanks and God bless!
You’re welcome. Darwin kicks God’s ass.

Love from, Emma
I’m highly doubtful that Emma is really your name. Or that the originator of the email is female. I would assume that you do love me though, as the whole world does. Even the retarded wiccans.

Thanks for your entertainment and enjoyment Emma, enjoy your retard hunt.

For those of you interested in chasing down Emma’s email Internet headers:

Received: from ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo (localhost [])
by retardzone.com (Spam Firewall) with ESMTP id 3C44A7582E
for ; Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:19:30 -0800 (PST)
Received: from ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo (outmailhost.telefonica.net []) by hugo.retardzone.com with ESMTP id M5mG9DvEPbTjf9iB for ; Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:19:30 -0800 (PST)
Received: from User ( by ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo ( (authenticated as davidlobato@infonegocio.com)
id 49950437000851C6; Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:18:41 +0100
Message-ID: <49950437000851C6@ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo> (added by postmaster@telefonica.net)
From: “Emma”
To: femma1@live.fr
X-ASG-Orig-Subj: Hello!
Subject: Hello!
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:17:12 +0100
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000
X-Barracuda-Connect: outmailhost.telefonica.net[]
X-Barracuda-Start-Time: 1234567171
X-Barracuda-Virus-Scanned: by Barracuda Spam Firewall at retardzone.com
X-Barracuda-Spam-Score: 1.36
X-Barracuda-Spam-Status: No, SCORE=1.36 using global scores of TAG_LEVEL=3.5 QUARANTINE_LEVEL=5.0 KILL_LEVEL=7.0 tests=FORGED_MUA_OUTLOOK
X-Barracuda-Spam-Report: Code version 3.2, rules version
Rule breakdown below
pts rule name description
—- ———————- ————————————————–
1.36 FORGED_MUA_OUTLOOK Forged mail pretending to be from MS Outlook
Return-Path: davidlobato@infonegocio.com
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 13 Feb 2009 23:29:30.0093 (UTC) FILETIME=[EB1E99D0:01C98E32]

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Posted By: Michael Sharpe

News Category: Retarded, Technerd


3 Responses to “The most beautiful plain text email ever”

  1. I know this email, its a friends email and cant change the pass or the options to stop that, any ideas?

    Beo on 14 Feb 2009 at 10:57 am
  2. Are you saying that your friend is “davidlobato@infonegocio.com”?
    If you can’t get access to the account, contacting the ISP would be the easiest solution.

    Michael on 14 Feb 2009 at 9:44 pm
  3. OMG. She sent you one too??
    That two-timing b**ch. I thought she might be the one!

    Lonely Gullible Guy on 11 Apr 2009 at 11:49 am

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