kamagra at walmart

Comment AddThis Social Bookmark Button AddThis Feed Button

What eye makeup is right for a man?

Mens Guide to Eye Makeup Sadly, eye-makeup isn’t just for women and weird uncles who never marry anymore. Here is a retard’s guide to mascara for men.

The Metrosexual
David Beckham brought this trashy european look to America, along with his alien wife. Sure it’s gay looking but if it gets you chicks it’s almost worth it. 1

The Emo/Goth/Vamp
Take your pick, not sure which group of weirdoes this thing fits in, let alone what gender it is or is trying to be. Marilyn Manson brought this look out of the fringe and into your neighborhood mall. Try suiting up at Hot Topic and brushing up on this episode of South Park to not fit in. 2
The Rock Star

David Bowie brought this look out of the closet for men who just wanted to appear to be gay for publicity purposes (sort of an opposite beard). The look caught on and in the 80s became almost normal until bad hair finally went out of fashion officially on 1999 when Fabio got hit in the face by a goose.

The Drag Queen
I’m not sure what the purpose of this look is other than trying to make homophobes too scared to get close enough to you to hit you. Devine made an almost career out of this circus look, but Barnum and Bailey would have paid better. 4
The Athlete
What started as an attempt to block out the sun went mainstream about the time Braveheart hit the scene. Now athletes are writing in this things sort of like the chicks who get paintings of crap on their nails. This thing is uniform short of the previous list item, unless you have a sword in your hand and are willing to die fighting the British. 5
The Ambiguous Asian
This look doesn’t really translate but if you’re one of the thousands of sporting puffy hair and think you are an amateur male model stop it. 6
The Native Facepainter
This original male makeup look went away with illegal aliens from england, indoor plumbing and the introduction of alcohol. These are the fathers of this look if for no other reason than at least these guys actually were interested in breeding (except for that guy from the Village People). 7
The TV Personality
It started with some blush and devolved into what killed Heath Ledger. Take exploding male narcissism and mix it with eye makeup and you have a deadly combination. 8
The Butt Pirate
Captain Jack Sparrow has nothing on these pirates of pitching and catching variety. They combine good fashion sense, with shopping urges and extraordinary grooming so just thank god you aren’t competing from women with these guys. 9
The Elderly
This isn’t the greatest generation, it’s the first wave of spoiled lazy children the baby boomers who go for this look. They all hoped they died before they got old and now vanity is taking over. Even Joe Biden is sporting this sad look. 10

What to wear?

Givenchy PhenomenEyes Mascara it was the first hit on Google and the less time you spend researching this the better – trust me. It claims that it’s: A revolutionary new mascara designed to grip at lashes starting at the roots. What it does: Givenchy Phenomen’Eyes Mascara perfectly curls and separates lashes. It has a high-tech, patented round sphere at the tip of the precision wand that reaches every lash and adapts to all eye shapes. It’s a Sephora exclusive and apparently didn’t kill lab rats.

They had me at Mascara, and this toned down look won’t make you look trashy like those brighter colors.

Comment AddThis Social Bookmark Button AddThis Feed Button

Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded, Tips & Tricks


2 Responses to “What eye makeup is right for a man?”

  1. Warning: MagpieRSS: Failed to parse RSS file. (junk after document element at line 1186, column 15) in /home2/retardz/public_html/magpie/rss_fetch.inc on line 238

    Warning: array_slice() [function.array-slice]: The first argument should be an array in /home2/retardz/public_html/retardempire/index.php on line 101

    Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home2/retardz/public_html/retardempire/index.php on line 103

    Shawn on 19 Feb 2010 at 9:45 pm
  2. “…eye-makeup isn’t just for women and weird uncles who never marry anymore.”

    And anti-gay bigotry isn’t required to be masculine anymore.

    But it’s still a sure indication of a desperately conformist closet case who lacks sufficient character to simply be himself.

    Bryan on 22 Aug 2011 at 2:20 pm

  Powered by Technorati  
  Retard Media
Retard News
Retard Zone
My Ex is a Troll
Best Wants
Odd Feelings
Apple Different
  • July 2018 (1)
  • September 2012 (1)
  • April 2012 (1)
  • January 2012 (1)
  • May 2011 (1)
  • June 2009 (3)
  • May 2009 (12)
  • April 2009 (20)
  • March 2009 (3)
  • February 2009 (6)
  • January 2009 (13)
  • November 2008 (10)
  • October 2008 (14)
  • September 2008 (18)
  • August 2008 (19)
  • July 2008 (2)
  • June 2008 (5)
  • May 2008 (3)
  • April 2008 (6)
  • March 2008 (16)
  • February 2008 (32)
  • January 2008 (8)
  • December 2007 (19)
  • November 2007 (50)
  • October 2007 (28)
  • September 2007 (29)
  • August 2007 (34)
  • July 2007 (89)
  • June 2007 (64)
  • May 2007 (29)
    Recycled PixelsCarbon neutral pledge:
    This website uses 100% recycled pixels

    A Retard Zone Production Retard Zone © 2019.   Help | Complain | Contact Us
    All rights to offend children, adults, and animals are reserved.

    %d bloggers like this: