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Lobbying for the extinction of chimpanzees

Chimpanzee ExtinctionChimpanzees are the most closely related animals to man, and perhaps because of that they practice horrors normally associated only with man. Outside of building cars and belching carbon dioxide these little monsters are worse than animals. Here are just some of the crimes they practice and just some of the reasons they should all be hunted down and killed.

Baby Killers

Chimps frequently practice infanticide wading into the screaming females, grabbing babies left and right. They swing the infants against the trees, smash them against the ground, bite their heads and crush their skulls. The baby killings sometimes follow leadership changes or simply looking to get sexual attention from females.

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Use Weapons
Chimps are the only other animal besides man known to use weapons. Chimpanzees near Kédougou, Senegal were observed to create spears by breaking off tree limbs, stripping them of their bark, and sharpening one end with their teeth. They then used these weapons to kill galagos sleeping (aka bush babies) in hollows.

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2
Practice Cannibalism

Primatologist Jane Goodall was the first to observe this infamous female behavior in 1976 in a cannibalistic mother-daughter duo, the chimpanzees being named Passion and Pom. You can even watch them eating each other here

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Source of AIDS Epidemic

Twenty-five years after the first AIDS cases emerged, scientists have confirmed that the HIV virus plaguing humans really did originate in wild chimpanzees, in a corner of Cameroon. Presumably, someone in rural Cameroon was bitten by a chimp or was cut while butchering one and became infected with the ape virus. That person passed it to someone else. Since humans are so closely related other diseases could be passed on unless chimps are eradicated.

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4
Eat Humans

St Jean, a six-two former running back was knocked to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals. They ravaged his left foot, leaving it shredded, and chewed his nose off. This attack is not unique and repeated itself recently in Connecticut. Once these monsters get a taste for yummy human flesh it could turn into some bad horror movie.

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5
Wage War

It came as a shock to Jane in 1974 when patrols of chimpanzees from the Kasakela community–one of four groups in the 20-square-mile park–began attacking chimps from the Kahama community to the south. She was stunned by reports of stealthy warriors moving through the forest in single file, hair bristling from fear and excitement, stepping from stone to stone to avoid making noise in what came to be known as the Four Year War.

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Adult Chimps Too Dangerous
Only the juvenile chimps can be used around humans because of the shear strength of the adults. Chimpanzees are much stronger than humans are; 5-7 times as strong in overall strength. Their bones are denser, and their skin is tougher than ours. The density of their bones is one reason why chimpanzees
stay away from water; they are not buoyant and they sink.

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7
Practice Gruesome Premeditated Murder

Field studies in Tanzania illustrate how some chimps occasionally murder other chimps for no apparent survival-related reason. Premeditated, gangland-style attacks were directed by a large group of male chimps on a smaller group of males and females that had previously broken away from the larger group. Over the course of five years, each member of the splinter group was systematically and brutally beaten. All died. Only young males initiated the attacks, which occurred only when the victims were isolated from the others. Hands, feet, and teeth were often used by the attackers.

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8
Sexual Predators
26-year-old Miss Bosede Aina, a junior extension worker at Health Centre, Ugbole Ekiti, was nearly raped by a wild Chimpanzee, a strange animal that had been terrorizing the people of the locality for years.

Vanguard gathered that it was not the first time the people in the area have witnessed such a strange happening,at least not less than four ladies had fallen prey of the strange animal in the remaining three other neigbouring towns. In the past, especially in towns like Igede, Eyio and Osin Ekiti and it did it and escaped into the jungle. Among their own species sexual such attacks have been widely documented.

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Could Enslave Mankind (Did in Movies)

Sure it’s just a movie, but we can’t be too careful. If these massive apes with opposable thumbs ever figure things out we will be turned into human slaves just like in The Planet of The Apes. We should act now before it’s too late. Don’t laugh they scored better on some memory tests than people.

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But we shouldn’t waste this precious gift of nature, the chimpanzee — we should recycle…
Chimp Products

 

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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Retarded, Science

 

One Response to “Lobbying for the extinction of chimpanzees”

  1. I know this is a joke, but it shouldn’t be, except for the eating em part, i bet they would taste like ****.
    Chimps are really just stupid humans. They do ALL THE HIDEOUS EVIL **** than man does, but even though they are smart for animals, they are dumb as rocks for human beings, well except for maybe the brotha’s in da hood and the good ole boy white trash of appalachia……if these ugly little ****s bought it, ENTIRELY, the world would be better off. At least man kind does incredibly great stuff along with all the hideous. What the hell great do these things do?? Peel coconuts with their bare hands.
    Kill em all……ALLLL

    nick on 10 Dec 2010 at 10:22 pm
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