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What conspiracy theory really killed David Carradine

What really happened to David Carradine The legendary grasshopper has passed, and all we can do is cry and wonder how a suicidal failed actor with addition and money problems could have possibly killed himself. There must have been a conspiracy and we have the ten most likely causes of David Carradine’s untimely death…

Church of Scientology Murdered Him
David Carradine’s wife Annie Bierman is a Scientologist with close ties to leaders in the Church of Scientology. Rumors are spreading throughout the internet that a hit was ordered by the church because Carradine had secrets about the church and was about to go public with them.

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1

Long Standing Feud With Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris wants you dead — you are a dead man, woman, or vegetable. David Carradine’s girlish Thai Chi rants were finally enough for the most lethal actor of all time who snuck in and out without being seen (because he’s Chuck Norris).

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2
Ninjas

David Carradine had mocked the secretive assassins for years in movies. Punching their kind in movies apparently one too many times a contract was put out by by villainous ninja led by the mysterious real life Purple Lady.

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3
Murdered by Psychotic Kill BIll Fan

Kill BIll is not just a movie with a somewhat successful sequel, to some it is a way of life. Fans around the world had sought to track Bill down and kill him even if he was just a 72 year old actor. So one this fan from England on vacation in Thailand saw Carradine she tracked him (or Bill in her mind) and killed him.

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4
Third World Hooker Asphyxiation

Outsourcing can leads to all kinds of quality control problems and Carradine may have paid for the cost cutting move with his life. Third world hookers may know how to live with a half a dozen STD’s but some instructions on safe asphyxiation just didn’t translate.

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5
Dick Cheney Believed He Was a Terrorist

Perhaps confused by a movie role where Carradine played a villain or just assuming that the actor was tied to liberals who support terrorists Cheney tortured the 72 year old actor. The harsh interrogation resulted in the death of the B movie actor.

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6
Mistakenly Believed He Was Supernatural
Perhaps as a result of decades of drug and alcohol abuse combined with mystical martial arts roles the 72 year old actor believed he had obtained supernatural powers. He believed if he were choked to death he would come back to life like John Locke from the TV show lost (he hadn’t seen the latest episode where it was revealed Locke was really dead yet either.)

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7
Kung Fu Fan Tried to Take His Pebble

Some confused fan of the TV show Kung Fu attempted to obtain Shaolin master status by taking David Carradine’s pebble. When Carradine struggled the fan attempted to make the murder look like a suicide.

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8
Strangled Himself Accidentally
David Carradine accidentally killed himself while experimenting with a new Tai Chi method, accidentally choking himself and his balls to death.

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9
Superhero Suicide Syndrome

Superman actor George Reeves and gay cowboy beefcake Heath Ledger were the first two to die of what TV psychiatrists are calling Superhero Suicide Syndrome. This sort of thing always happens in threes in Hollywood so David Carradine fills out our tragic trio.

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10
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Posted By: Jerome Aronson

News Category: Caption, News, Retarded

 

10 Responses to “What conspiracy theory really killed David Carradine”

  1. The Anonymous gays are working their message of hate at a time when David and his family are in morning. Show who or what they really are. A few gay people who want gay religious rights and they attack any religion that will not support them.

    Thai tea on 07 Jun 2009 at 3:55 pm
  2. thats really disrepectful a man is dead and a family is in mourning grow the hell up

    gzzz on 08 Jun 2009 at 1:10 am
  3. It bugs me when people don’t proofread (or…maybe you did). It should be “which conspiracy” not “what” and “addiction”, not “addition”. Furthermore, I do not know what your definition of “failed” is, but Carradine worked as an actor for five decades, and had nine things in “post-production” when he died, not to mention the many projects that he had lined up that he obviously could not complete due to his death. He said that in the acting profession “the only people that fail are those who quit and that even coming in dead last is an honor”. With a star on Hollywood Boulevard, and income of 2-3 million dollars per year (I have read) at the time of his death, movie credits with directors like Scorsese, Hal Ashby, Igmar Bergman, and Walter Hill, and fans throughout the entire world, I do not understand what you mean by “failed”.

    Having said all that, when I heard that he was the victim of a conspiracy I just assumed that the Tong had finally caught up with him for killing the emperor’s nephew. But I’m sure that one went over your head.

    Deanne on 22 Aug 2009 at 4:57 pm
  4. Bravo!

    Sir Cleeg on 13 Oct 2009 at 5:12 pm
  5. Deanne that is the dumbest post I “have” ever read mmkay??? Please go away and don’t come back.

    DeanneIsDumb on 08 Nov 2009 at 8:30 pm
  6. LOL… I like when commentors attack each other. I’m rooting for the rudest!

    Michael on 10 Nov 2009 at 1:19 pm
  7. David Carradine was a pussy! If he was alive today I’d rape his ass. No joke, I am totally serious.

    Shawn on 19 Feb 2010 at 9:25 pm
  8. Mr David Carradine was a great actor. He made me happy. When I read he was in a movie or show I new it would be special and it always was. He was a master of quality entertainment. He had an energy that flowed and covered his body, of Good and Light.
    I think that a darker side sometimes manages to flow also, as Kwai Chang Caine would say “we all have skeletons in our closets”
    I hope he is at peace, he made a difference for me.God Bless him!

    Mark4176 UK

    Mark4176 on 12 Mar 2010 at 10:14 am
  9. For more David Carradine conspiracy theories, check out “David Carradine: The Eye of My Tornado”. That should have some good ones.

    Kimmy on 12 May 2010 at 8:48 am
  10. Jeezus. Edit this tripe.

    Skippy on 22 May 2016 at 1:48 pm
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