Retard Zone » Michael

Model school encouraging education

Michael — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 20:49:16 +0000

RetardZone has learned of the future of schooling and it’s looking ~~beautiful~~ ~~gorgeous~~ ~~amazing~~ pretty. Like model pretty. Not a model like previous school programs, this new school will have former runway models as teachers. The school is bringing in the brightest and best educators which were handpicked from gentleman’s clubs in the surrounding neighborhoods or burrows. What could stop such a brilliant plan?

Creating a school of the future took some serious insider planning and considerations, as the public would be the first dissident for the sultry school of sexually attractive models, both men and women. Making the surrounding family tract homeowners satisfied only took a few house-to-house visits by the incoming faculty.

There are negatives and positives but the end result would be to encourage students to attend the school without having to bribe them with money, certain food or drinks, or without threatening their personal future with claims of joblessness or in some cases, incarceration. Yes, educators (faculty and staff) have been caught giving threats negative theories about the future and jail time. This isn’t how schools should be pushing students.

The new school will come with several benefits that currently only the top 1% of schools across the United States have similar access to, including smartboards, netbooks or iPads for all students, free iPads, free iPods, and much much more.

Dress code will be enforced, but the dress code isn’t the same as for other schools… all students will be encouraged to dress provocatively enough to distract other students while still not revealing more than a swimsuit would show.

Of course there is no point in showing the uniform off of the students…

There will be a dress code for the teachers as well, there is no point in running air conditioning all summer long when teachers and students alike can disrobe.

Start and end times of the school day are nearly the same as other schools across the country, because of the extra excitement caused by nearly constant arousal the need for sugar snacks or other energy inducing foods are not necessary, making this a healthier school. Athletics are also highly encouraged, including having mixed gender sports like football.

School work can be performed upon laptops, netbooks, iPads, or on standard paper. The electronic benefit of doing school work over hand written papers is immense, noting that plagiarism is much more difficult to catch on hand written works instead of using online plagiarism catching systems.

The school will keep a diverse community of educators and students, to help ~~seduce~~ reduce any possible tensions.

Sign up for the school was halted after the first hours of being open for enrollment with class sizes limited to allow for greater one-on-one attention. The faculty has extensive educational experience and most classes have multiple teachers to help with student retentions, but if there is discipline necessary it will be carried out.

If you’re interested in more, you know what to do.

Reality TV show game

Michael — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 21:24:07 +0000

Reality TV is educating the general public, teaching that lies and dishonesty are acceptable ways to conduct games, contests, and even ways of life. In case you missed the latest season of Survivor, this is a good point for you to start catching up on what life is becoming. Survivor should be renamed to ServLiar.

Reality has been a source for entertainment on television, though it isn’t the news that people are getting drawn into watching and it isn’t the educational part of the media that is getting across in households across the United States. Instead you can witness people living temporarily within a house they could never afford, living on an island that is desolate enough for people to remain lost forever, or just trying to outlast another person for an hour while eating things considered disgusting in USA but just everyday meals in other countries (welcome back Fear Factor).

Reality slap down begins… NOW!

Survivor
	Networks: CBS Host: Jeff Probst Age: 23 seasons and counting Prize: $1,000,000 Challenge: Survive in a marooned-type island with strangers where food, water, fire, and shelter are not previously setup for contestants. Winning: Avoid being expelled from the game. Tricks: Lie. Lie. Lie. In the latest season the 2nd place challenger lost by one single vote, even though he admitted to consistent lying and going back on his word several times. In the end, the explanation was "it’s only a game."	D-

The Amazing Race

Networks: CBS
Host: Phil Keoghan
Age: 19 seasons and counting
Prize: $1,000,000
Challenge: Race around to parts of the world while solving puzzles or figuring out games or deciphering clues.
Winning: Avoid being the last team to arrive on any of the legs of the race.
Tricks: Though there is less help in boldly lying to others, through deception and dishonesty some teams were with getting other teams disqualified.

C+

Big Brother

Networks: CBS
Host: Julie Chen
Age: 13 seasons and counting
Prize: $500,000
Challenge: Avoid weekly eviction by playing a social game along with physical games to earn prizes or maintain safety.
Winning: Be the last house guest to get kicked out of the game and then a panel of evicted house guests will decide on first and second place prizes.
Tricks: Since the manipulation of people is all that is required to make it from one week until the next, simple lying and placating seems like the magic.

C-

American Idol
	Networks: FOX Host: Ryan Seacrest Age: 10 seasons and counting Prize: record deal with a major label, which may be for up to six albums Challenge: Have America vote for you more than the other contestants. Winning: Be the last musical choice to be removed from the competition via vote. Tricks: It’s a popularity contest that looks to be slowly losing it’s popularity. Though with the occupation of a chair by Steven Tyler (woman abuser) there might be some hope left for Fox’s previously highest rated show. Make the audience not dislike you and you could win.	C+

America’s Got Talent

Networks: NBC
Host: Nick Cannon
Age: 6 seasons and counting
Prize: $1,000,000 (payable over 40 years)
Challenge: Be more talented than competitors while entertaining home audience.
Winning: Be the last talent competition to be removed from the show via lack-of-votes.
Tricks: It’s another contest with popularity, arrogance, and some entertainment thrown in also. Though it will take skills or talents to win, it doesn’t take much to compete (last year a guy jumped into shallow swimming pools held atop air-filled cushions used for stunt men to fall into off of buildings).

B-

Now that this list is created, it must stop. These are not reality TV shows, these are all contests based on having non-celebrity-public as contenders for money or prizes. The last reality show that seemed actually like a reality show was Jersey Shore, and they won’t make it into this article.

It all ends with liars and dishonesty.

Stephen Hawking targeted by hacker

Michael — Thu, 19 May 2011 00:02:31 +0000

Stephen Hawking is unable to walk, speak, or remove the malware that has infected his computer. It was only a matter of time until the genius of Hawking met its match and that match was won by a group who installed a backdoor computer trojan onto the computer of the world’s smartest man.

The story of master black hat hacker only known as Agent Phew Knish who has successfully hacked into the voice emulating computer of the world’s most renowned scientist. Here’s the story of the best unknown hack that has been ongoing for years.

It all started when Stephen Hawking started dating Elaine Mason, formerly married to David Mason who designed Hawking’s first talking computer. The year was 1995 and Mason made the first version of the talking computer for Hawking because of the extensive medical issues that kept Hawking from chatting like he did formerly. It wouldn’t be until 2006 that the software in Hawking’s computer would be made succeptible to a hacker.

After Hawking divorced, David was no longer off-the-hook and needed to attend to the needs of his ex-wife. This is where the long plan started to roll into action.

David contacted the Church of Scientology and started making claims about Hawking’s theory on belief in heaven having to do with being afraid of the dark. The Church knew that if they could get Hawking to get into an arguement with Kirk Cameron than the Church would have the best chance to pay an uknown hacker to infect the computer of Hawking, allowing them to have him make claims that they would input into his computer from their remote offices on the back of some asteroid or meteor or wherever they lay in wait.

Stephen brought his computer into a relatively unknown computer repair shop where hacker Agent Phew Knish was working doing minor programming using kiddie script tools. The Hawking computer was just too much for Agent Knish to avoid installing one of the backoffice trojan programs. By the time Hawking picked up his computer he was unaware that along with free disk defragmentation software, there was a program that would soon report back activities and later would be used to remotely install a botnet.

Of course because of the genius level of Hawking it was only by dumb luck that Agent Knish didn’t get caught. The extra icon on never-before seen computer screen even went without notice.

The question at this point is who can help Hawking remove the trojan / malware / bots off of his computer?

The dance battle has begun

Michael — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 11:28:51 +0000

There are several different styles of dancing but it’s quite obvious that there can only be one best version. Take a minute and read on to learn the best type of dancing, what’s in and what’s out and what’s just retarded.

Dance is an art form that generally refers to movement of the body, rhythmic and to music. You need to keep that in mind when you are thinking about the following, as all the bottom dance styles were graded upon their art form as well as adhering to the term of being rhythmic.

Contra (created in 17th century)

Folk dance styles in which couples dance in two facing lines of indefinite length. The initial contra dances were created in England.

Favorite Dancer:
* John Butler

Clogging (created in early 1700s)

Type of folk dance rooted in traditional European dancing from the British Isles, in which the dancer’s footwear is used musically by striking the heel, the toe, or both in unison against a floor or each other to create audible percussive rhythms.

Favorite Dancers:
* Harland and Samantha McDermott

Jazz (created in 20th century)

Primarily American musical art form which originated at the beginning of the 20th century in African American communities in the Southern United States from a confluence of African and European music traditions.

Favorite Dancers:
* Goth Crew

Tap (created in 19th century)

The name comes from the tapping sound made when metal plates on the dancer’s shoes touches a hard surface. Because the dancer makes sound, they are also considered a musician.

Favorite Dancer:
* Larry Craig

Swing (created in 20th century)

It evolved in the late 1920s and early 1930s out of Partnered Charleston. It is characterized by an 8-count break away or “swing out” and has an emphasis on improvisation and the ability to easily adapt to include other steps in 8-count and 6-count rhythms.

Favorite Dancer:
* Richard Marx and Sue Jameson

Line (created in 20th century)

Choreographed dance with a repeated sequence of steps in which a group of people dance in one or more lines or rows without regard for the gender of the individuals, all facing the same direction, and executing the steps at the same time. Line dancers are not in physical contact with each other.

Favorite Dancer:
* Cows Are People Too Group

Dance Sport (created in 20th century)

Competitive ballroom dancing, a set of partner dances, which are enjoyed both socially and competitively. Many ballroom dances are elevated folk dances. Any one of the several dances in which two individuals, a “leader” and a “follower,” dance with physical contact through their upper or lower bodies, or simply their arms depending on the particular variety of dance.

Favorite Dancer:
* Michael and Macy McGovern

Break (created in 20th century)

A street dance style that evolved as part of the hip hop movement among African American and Puerto Rican youths in Manhattan and the South Bronx of New York City during the early 1970s. May have begun as a building, productive, and a constructive youth culture alternative to the violence of urban street gangs.

Favorite Dancers:
* Jamal Nichols

Krump (created in 21st century)
	An urban street dance-form that began in South Central Los Angeles and is characterized by free, expressive, and highly energetic moves involving the arms and chest. It has become a major part of hip hop dance culture. Favorite Dancers: * Henry “Crazy” Manson	9

Ballet (created in 17th century)

Formalized type of performative dance, the origins of which date lay in sixteenth- and seventeenth-century French courts, and which was further developed in England, Italy, and Russia as a concert dance form.

Favorite Dancer:
* Judy Summers and Nick Papadopoulos

Belly (created in 19th century)

Native to North Africa, Asia and the Middle East, belly dancing is based on one of the oldest social dances in world history. Support for this theory stems from similarities between poses from the modern dance form and those depicted in ancient Egyptian art.

Favorite Dancer:
* any in-shape woman

Pole (created in 21st century)

A form of dancing/gymnastics. It involves dancing sensually with a vertical pole and is often used in strip clubs and gentlemen’s clubs, although more recently artistic pole dancing (Chinese poles) is used in cabaret/circus and stage performance in a non-erotic environment. Advanced pole dancing requires significant strength and endurance.

Favorite Dancer:
* every girl we’ve thrown money at

All dancing with the exception of pole dancing requires certain clothes, costumes, and dance shoes. The clothing styles vary even within their own categories, the costumes in some dance routines cost thousands of dollars. The shoes… well, they seem to be the only thing that ties every different type of dance together besides having the physical ability to move.

Even when there is no clothing or costume being used, like in pole dancing, there are still shoes. As Chris Rock states in a stand-up routine, all pole dancers are issued tall heeled glass sandals.

If you are looking at getting more involved in dancing it might be best to start with the shoes. Head over to http://www.movedancewear.co.uk/ and find dance shoes that you like. Whatever you choose for a shoe will help you decide what type of dancer you will become. Ballet, ballroom, tap, jazz, flamenco, tap, and many more.

The most beautiful plain text email ever

Michael — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:37:59 +0000

Spam. I’m tired of spam. I like phishing attempts because I find it a challene to outsmart the person attempting to outsmart me. Of course, sometimes love is just one spam message away…

To the surprise of the email hosting center, Emma was able to circumvent their usually intelligent filtering system and sneak me a message. I’m most likely in love… well, except for the issue of religion.

Why is it that in a perfectly good spam message, “God” needs to be mentioned?

Emma is going to have a much lower chance of getting anything from me (like the lottery people, the daughter of the dead oil tycoon, and the Nigerians who still should be wiring me money soon).

Tell the truth Emma, you really aren’t interested in me, you just want me to join your ~~cult~~ religion.

Maybe Emma is a wiccan?

Let me just try to break this down a little more….

Hi, How are you today? I hope you are fine. If so thanks to God Almighty.
Umm… Hi back. I’m alright today. Your hope was successful. Thanks to God? Why? What did God have to do with my being alright? If I were having a craptastic day, would that be thanks to God too?

Please excuse me, I saw your contact email while browsing through the internet so I decide to contact you.
Really now, if you need to excuse yourself then maybe you shouldn’t have committed to disturbing me.

It will be my pleasure to communicate with you.
You’re off to a great start. You have actually communicated in the fact that I received your email.

My name is Emma.
I’m pretty doubtful, but I’ll play along. My name is Michael.

I am here to complete my studies.
You are emailing me. Where is here? I’m here too. And there.

I am single, looking for honest and nice person.
Being single is really the description of a normal birth. Some births yield simese twins.

Somebody who care and fear God whom I can partner with.
If you are fearing God, does that mean you’ve spoken with it and it’s something to fear? I’m not sure who God is, but maybe its something that Chuck Norris could help you with, he doesn’t seem very fearful.

I don’t care about colour or ethnicity.
I do. Mostly because in America the word colour doesn’t have a “u” in it. Ethnicity isn’t so bad, if it weren’t for being able to see color you know that Whoopi Goldberg would be assumed Jewish.

I would like to know you more, most especially what you like and what you dislike.
Hmm.. I like women waiting on me. Sex. Video games. Sex. Oh, and I dislike not having sex. Also, I’m not really into pointless emails from non-existent people.

I am sending you this beautiful mail with wish for much happiness.
Thanks for the wish, I assume in whatever mystical world you live in wishes and God are both real. As for a beautiful email, there were no attachments and the plain text removed whatever you did to make the email beautiful.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Are you able to hear me? Maybe you have some probe in my brain. I was sure that my aluminum foil helmet was helping, but perhaps your powers are to strong for Reynold’s Wrap.

Thanks and God bless!
You’re welcome. Darwin kicks God’s ass.

Love from, Emma
I’m highly doubtful that Emma is really your name. Or that the originator of the email is female. I would assume that you do love me though, as the whole world does. Even the retarded wiccans.

Thanks for your entertainment and enjoyment Emma, enjoy your retard hunt.

For those of you interested in chasing down Emma’s email Internet headers:

Received: from ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo (localhost [127.0.0.1])
by retardzone.com (Spam Firewall) with ESMTP id 3C44A7582E
for ; Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:19:30 -0800 (PST)
Received: from ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo (outmailhost.telefonica.net [213.4.149.242]) by hugo.tagtimeusa.com with ESMTP id M5mG9DvEPbTjf9iB for ; Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:19:30 -0800 (PST)
Received: from User (41.214.117.252) by ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo (7.2.056.6) (authenticated as davidlobato@infonegocio.com)
id 49950437000851C6; Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:18:41 +0100
Message-ID: <49950437000851C6@ctsmtpout3.frontal.correo> (added by postmaster@telefonica.net)
Reply-To:
From: “Emma”
To: femma1@live.fr
X-ASG-Orig-Subj: Hello!
Subject: Hello!
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:17:12 +0100
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset=”Windows-1251″
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2600.0000
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000
X-Barracuda-Connect: outmailhost.telefonica.net[213.4.149.242]
X-Barracuda-Start-Time: 1234567171
X-Barracuda-Virus-Scanned: by Barracuda Spam Firewall at retardzone.com
X-Barracuda-Spam-Score: 1.36
X-Barracuda-Spam-Status: No, SCORE=1.36 using global scores of TAG_LEVEL=3.5 QUARANTINE_LEVEL=5.0 KILL_LEVEL=7.0 tests=FORGED_MUA_OUTLOOK
X-Barracuda-Spam-Report: Code version 3.2, rules version 3.2.1.17755
Rule breakdown below
pts rule name description
—- ———————- ————————————————–
1.36 FORGED_MUA_OUTLOOK Forged mail pretending to be from MS Outlook
Return-Path: davidlobato@infonegocio.com
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 13 Feb 2009 23:29:30.0093 (UTC) FILETIME=[EB1E99D0:01C98E32]

Reasons to drink alcohol

Michael — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:08:13 +0000

Since exercise is a new fad and people are concerned about their health in greater ways than they ever have been in known history, it makes sense to talk about the alcohol. So grab a can of beer or a glass of wine and start learning why you should be consuming more alcohol.

Make New Friends
	In small quantities, alcohol has been proven to lower people’s inhibitions. Alcoohol can also can play a part in slurring speech, so when you ask someone to get me a beer it may sound like you said I’m getting queer. Within moments you might find yourself with a new friend. WORST CASE: That new friend of yours might wind up taking you home for an all-nighter.	1

Never Alone
	When people stress out or are looking to have more fun, they often will turn to alcohol for assistance. Between bars becoming more packed and support groups spreading, it will soon be nearly impossible for the regular alcoholic to find his regular seat at the bar again. WORST CASE: You won’t have any chance to drink by yourself and plan suicide in peace.	2

Stupid Is The New Funny

Since you’re going to be drinking it up, things that use to be stupid will become oddly funny. That joke about your priest touching you just to give you and your brother something else in common might make you laugh.

WORST CASE: You think it’s a joke if a woman is drunk enough to ask you to go home with her.

Cheaper Than Drugs

There are many things in your lifetime that you could enjoy, some of the things are more expensive than others. Alcohol costs much less than illegal drugs such as cocaine and meth.

WORST CASE: You can buy enough alcohol to poison and kill yourself cheaper than with other drugs.

Makes Time Fly

Your Monday is dragging on but you know at night you’ll be out drinking with friends. For nine hours that feel like ninety you deal with the slow work day and then the five hours at night of drinking seems to last less than thirty minutes.

WORST CASE: You try drinking at work to make time fly and get caught.

Environmentally Friendly

Alcohol is created when grains, fruits, or vegetables are fermented. That’s good stuff, there’s not likely going to be a vegan with a complaint because you are downing a beer or sticking out a pinky while sipping a wine.

WORST CASE: Your meat eating friends will all beat you senseless for trying to be eco-friendly.

Mensa Won’t Bother You
	In recent studies it’s been proven that drinking can shrink the human brain. Even small quantities of alcohol drinkers have a smaller brain volume than those who do not, according to a study in the Archives of Neurology. WORST CASE: You’ll want to become a Democrat and vote for Obama in 2012.	7

Help The Economy
	When you are being a patron at a bar or other establishment, you are helping the economy. Your other choice is to stay home and hoard your money, which should be alright because you don’t want to be part of the solution to help the global economy you selfish hippie. WORST CASE: You go on a spending spree and buy the bar rounds and have more friends to add to your Facebook profile.	8

Lose Weight

A report from Melbourne in August of 2003 showed moderate drinkers seem to have a reduced risk of developing type 2, or adult onset diabetes. This was probably related to the effect alcohol had on improving insulin sensitivity, which appeared to aid weight loss as well as protect against diabetes.

WORST CASE: You drink and stop eating and people think you are related to Calista Flockhart.

Makes People More Attractive

Due to the numbing effect of alcohol on the brain, the likelihood that an ugly guy could hook up with a hotter girl increase dramatically. If given enough alcohol than someone as hot as Jessical Biel could end up with an average looking guy.

WORST CASE: You’ll take home a girl that might be coyote ugly.

It seems that the average of society will drink hard liquor and some beer. The lower end of society sticks with beer or just whatever they can steal. The upper eschilon will look toward drinking a fine wine.

Though I’m not about to impart my drinking ideas on you (Retard Life has stuff about that), I will tell you that I know a few people that have wine storage areas but aren’t rich enough to have a wine cellar. For this select group of individuals, it might be a good idea for them to either build a cellar or at least get some good wine racks.

I surfed over to the Vine Store and noticed they had some interesting wine holding racks. One of my favorites was the wrought iron bottle bunch.

They carry more than just racks there, there are also coolers and glasses. Whatever you choose while there you have their 100% satisfaction guarantee, which sounds totally unrealistic. I’m sure they don’t offer 100%, since that would actually cover things like what side of the bed you woke up on and if you got some the previous night. The idea of a guarantee of some sort is good enough for me though.

When you shop around the site check out their really, really wide selection of wine racks. Be sure to look for something that you can give to a loved one and to that new friend that you made who just likes to spoon with you because he’s mature enough in his masculinity to stick a surprise in your back door when you get drunk enough. As a friend told me one day, it’s not gay if you’re on top.

A retards guide to video sites

Michael — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:53:12 +0000

Every other teenager with a Macintosh computer has turned into a video production idiot. So what happens to the millions of videos that are created by the millions of retards? With so many people making videos and nearly every person being some sort of attention whore it’s impossible for just one over-hyped website to be popular. Enjoy a quick walkthrough of the more popular and well known video sites along with some statistics that aren’t commonly known.

YouTube (est. 2/2005)
	Anyone can make a video in today’s day. Really. I have a grandmother that died 6 years ago and she’s still making videos. Unfortunately for my grandma though, dead people are not allowed to post on YouTube. The good news is that every living person in the world is allowed to post on YouTube and you can tell that they do because the shear volume of the videos and crappy quality of the average video are breathtakingly painful. Hosted videos: over 550,000,000 Time to watch all: over 3,946 years Web popularity: 3rd most visited site in the U.S. PageRank: 9	1

Veoh (est. 6/2005)
	Veoh would be the younger, unknown relative to YouTube. Like the cousin in your family that everyone knows exists but never talks to and tries to avoid at family reunions. Veoh has signed up deals with several television studios and will stream anything from anyone, including stuff from YouTube. Though Veoh is known by several Internet users, there have been several challenges to their publicized audience of 28 million users a month. Hosted videos: over 320,000,000 (self-reported) Time to watch all: over 5,936 years Web popularity: 88th most visited site in the U.S. PageRank: 7	2

Metacafe (est. 5/2001)
	Metacafe only hosts top movies and funny videos according to the site’s title. After spending hours on the site it’s easily debatable that there are only top movies and funny videos, since I saw many more stupid and wasteful movies than the other two claimed categories, put together. While surfing the site you will notice many of the same attention hungry posters here as on YouTube and Veoh and other video sites. Hosted videos: over 945 (search results) Time to watch all: who cares? Web popularity: 124th most visited site in the U.S. PageRank: 7	3

Yahoo! Video (est. 6/2006)
	Yahoo! video started out with just the ability to upload videos but later relaunched itself to focus on Yahoo-hosted video only. Now the site tries to show “premium” video from all of Yahoo!’s sites along with user uploaded crap. Since the service is free you get what you pay for mostly, though I did see an entertaining video or two while hunting for something involving sex. Hosted videos: lots Time to watch all: 2 minutes before boredom sets in Web popularity: 124th most visited site in the U.S. PageRank: 8 (well, there is no specific stat for Yahoo!’s video)	4

MySpace Video (est. 6/2006)
	MySpace just cheated. First they hit the market quicker and with more aggression than Facebook, then they unleash video action all over their users. It was quite a good idea and since most of the tweeners are using Macs (since they aren’t PC proficient yet) and have nothing better to do than write crap on MySpace all day long, it’s just amazing that YouTube doesn’t start giving away crack or coke to them in order to get their audience. Hosted videos: all of ‘em Time to watch all: forever and ever Web popularity: 7 PageRank: 8	5

Really it seems to be that video sites generate a lot of traffic and have some pretty incredible opportunities for income. If you were going to do something to make money and having some sort of video that solicits money from people is your way, you should probably look into getting some serious video software or get a professional company to help you out.

There are several software products that you could use and depending on the hardware platform that you were using there are easy and ugly software programs. But if you truly want to make money with a video you are going to have to go professional, which means that you need to put out some money in order to get a great company to handle your video presentation.

Richter Studios is one of the video production service companies that comes up decently high in search engines. Just out of curiousity, Retard Zone looked further into Richter Studios and found the regular stuff that most people would find when looking at a company with a parascope or minty scope or some sort of scope thing that looks at details.

Claiming to have been “creating presentations for over 10 years”, puts the side of experience with Richter. Though a lot of companies might come up with exponentially higher numbers (hiding behind the guise of years of experience), it would seem that a younger company, one that is fresher, would be a better choice. These aren’t the days of the 70′s and 80′s, this is a new day and having more cutting edge knowledge and experience would definitely play better for effective video appeal.

Some companies try to specialize in one area of knowledge, which seems like a good idea most of the time. For some reason Richter seems a little spread out by offering video production and website development. Though there might be some connection between the two, I’m not sure if a company that offers programming language assistance (“… PHP, SQL, Lingo, Action Script, HTML, XML, ASP or any of the other programming languages out there.”) is also the company that I would want for professional presentation services.

When Google street view starting capturing the United States, street at a time, it enabled a new bunch of stalkers and voyeurs. In this case, you are able to look at a potential company to do business with and properly arm yourself before going to the company. Though Richter is in Chicago, it doesn’t look like the worst parts of Chicago that you could be traveling through (and their are conveniently located near a cleaner!).

Overall it seems that if you want to make money and have the knowledge to come up with some idea than you should probably concentrate on your strengths and either have a poop inhaling teenage neighbor use his Mac and make you a video or seek professional assistance from the most pro looking site that comes up when you Google.

English language costs me money

Michael — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:53:45 +0000

The English language is strange. English is actually a West Germanic language that originated in England. That’s not as strange as parts of the language though. Just a few months ago I overheard a conversation where someone was being goofed on without knowing it…

I’m at an airport in Las Vegas bored waiting to board a plane. Although I wasn’t under an eave or any overhang, I decided to eavesdrop on people around me and see if I could entertain myself. There are a couple of persons talking about people they had played a game of poker with, though this poker game didn’t involve any pokers or prodding tools.

The conversation had made it’s way to a small blind and big blind.

Another person walks up to the already in-progress conversation and after hearing just a couple words decided to interject, saying “I didn’t think that blind guy was big”. Hearing this I started listening a little closer, though I didn’t actually change my location closer. There was no laughing at this point, instead the initial conversers decided to play with the guy that came late (girls would think coming late is better than early and guys think it’s bad for girls to be late unless they are attempting to conceive).

The discussion now becomes about blinds. The conversation jumps all over the place by the initial two debaters, starting out something like the following.

Guy 1 – The blind guy tried to sell me blinds.
Guy 2 – There’s no way the blind guy that didn’t post the blind would sell you blinds.
G1 – I wouldn’t lie about the blind blinds salesman.
G2 – Maybe you misheard the blind blinds salesman that didn’t post the blind.
G3 – Are you two making fun of me?
G1 – Are you blind?
G2 – Talk about the blind leading the blind.
G1 – That blind led the blind into the blind blind.
G3 – Shut up!

Of course this wasn’t as coarse as it could have been. The first two guys could have played like they were in a play a lot longer and kept the third guy wondering what was going on, but they were obviously too excited about their ability to use the word blind.

So now I’m wondering about blinds for my house and wondering if there’s a chance I could find a poker game with a blind blinds salesman on the big blind. Until that opportunity arises, I’ll stick with buying blinds from someplace that doesn’t yet advertise blind blind salesmen.

A former neighbor of mine moved from Vegas to the neighborhood I lived in, back around 2004. He was a nice. He actually sold and installed window dressings for a living. I was curious, I asked about some kitchen window blinds and found out that his pricing was less expensive than the local Home Depot or Lowe’s store. The pricing seemed really good and the installation made things much greater for me, as I’m less handy than a blind seeing eye dog. When I asked what blinds he had for sale he just laughed and told me that I needed to visit the online store he bought blinds and shades from in order to find what I wanted. So online I went.

Curtains, mini blinds, shutters, are some window drapery hardware and window blinds offered by quality companies. I was actually inundated with possible purchasing solutions.

Do I need blinds? Mini blinds? Shutters? Curtains? Mutliples of some sort… I’m just looking to keep out the sun, which is something that I thought just hanging towels over windows would do appropriately enough. I was wrong. Live chat was available on the website and contrary to previous live chats I’ve been in, this person actually seemed to know how to communicate and had product knowledge. And the gallery actually made me want to get more things.

After listening to one airport conversation and talking with one neighbor, I had been convinced to replace all of the house’s windows and cover them appropriately.

That’s the last time I but my butt into a conversation I wasn’t invited to participate within.

It’s game time

Michael — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:32:15 +0000

Playing games has been around since the first caveman found a rock and started throwing it at other cavemen. What today is referred to as dodgeball use to be dodgerock, but what about less physical games that only require an Internet connection and fingers not too dirty from eating Fritos and Nerds.

Online Communities…

World of Warcraft (1994) 11 million subscribers

The game revolves around having virtual players running around a virtual world with virtual friends that are virtually all as nerdy as you are. There are now websites (wow dk) that are made for buying and selling of World Of Warcraft virtual goods, for real money. Though I don’t know if I would ever try to trade real money for virtual things, it seems that there is a good business in it. Currently there are hundreds of websites linking to WoW. There are WoW guarantees and warranties and I’m sure that if your player gets injured, they’ll sell you WoW insurance too. Have you ever thought about selling your account and hard earned time for some small financial gain? You should..you don’t have anything else going for you.

Fun Fact 1: In June 2005 a four-month-old South Korean child had suffocated due to neglect by her parents, who were at a nearby café playing World of Warcraft.
Fun Fact 2: The government of the People’s Republic of China introduced an online gaming restriction to people under 18-years-old limiting playing time to 3 hours.

Retard Factor:

More about Buymyaccounts…

The critics might say that part of the gaming experience is that you take on a character and go through all the levels of a game, thereby learning and upgrading as you go. BuyMMOAccounts responds to this by saying that the time you spend on upgrading a character can be best spent on enjoying the game with a fully loaded character. We say, to each his own! Saving up on time is definitely a plus point if you consider the amount of time one has to spend on an MMO upgrading their character so they can enjoy the advance stages of the game and BuyMMOAccounts offers an easy way for those who wish to jump ahead. We say they’re just traditionalists like baseball fans, and cheating is the american way.

Think of buymyaccounts as steroids, they give you an unfair advantage but help you win at the end of the day.

Here are just some of the great deals you can get right now on pre-owned (not used) WOW accounts!

Level 70 Troll Shaman (PVP)

Scare all of your friends, and kill your ememies like the schoolyard bullies who tormented your life, finally get even with them and rule WoW with this alter ego who can go on the killing spree that you can only fantasize about until the waiting period is over…

Reference #4920

$449.00

Level 70 Blood Elf Paladin (PVP)

This amazing Blood Elf is not only a killer level 70 character (not really sure what that means) but she is hot, hot, hot, hot. Forget your girlfriend you can just have her over and over. She will do whatevery you command even that embarrasing thing your gilfriend laughed at and accused you of being gay over…

Reference #5049

$549.00

Habbo (2000) 8 million subscribers

Aimed at teenagers aged 13-17, Habbo features chat rooms rendered by isometric projection in the form of virtual hotel rooms. The service gains revenue from credits bought with real-life currency. Credits are used to buy products such as virtual furniture for the virtual hotel rooms and stickers for user pages.

Fun Fact 1: 8 million users have made over 100 million players, meaning each user has on average 12 to 13 personalities.
Fun Fact 2: The “Great Habbo Raid of ’06″ occurred during 2006. In the raid (and most others), users signed up to the Habbo site dressed in avatars of an African American wearing a suit and Afro and blocked entry to the pool declaring that it was “closed due to AIDS“.
Fun Fact 3: On 14 November 2007, a 17-year-old was arrested by police for allegedly stealing virtual furniture bought with real money worth up to $5,000.

Retard Factor:

Runescape (2001) 15 million subscribers

Taking place in the fantasy-themed realm of Gielinor, which is divided into several different kingdoms, regions, and cities. Players can travel throughout Gielinor on foot, by using magical teleportation spells and devices, or mechanical means of transportation.

Fun Fact 1: over 160 servers are used for RuneScape, with enough processing power to help cure AIDS and cancer, or allow nerds to live in a virtual wilderness.
Fun Fact 2: complaints focus on incidents of scamming, general spamming, and arguing amongst players.

Retard Factor:

Club Penguin (2006) 12 million subscribers

Using cartoon penguins as avatars, players waddle around, chat, play minigames and participate in other activities with one another in a snow-covered virtual world. At the point when they were purchased by Disney, Club Penguin had 12 million accounts, of which 700,000 were paid subscribers, and were generating $40 million in annual revenue.

Fun Fact 1: Members have access to virtual Members-only parties hosted by Club Penguin.
Fun Fact 2: criticism expressed by commentators is that the game encourages consumerism, which equates personal happiness with the purchase of material possessions (ya, because that wouldn’t happen without Club Penguin).

Retard Factor:

Webkinz (2005) 1-2 million subscribers

Webkinz are stuffed animals that were originally released by the Ganz company on April 29, 2005. The toys are similar to many other small plush toys. However, each Webkinz toy has an attached tag with a unique “Secret Code” printed on it that allows access to the “Webkinz World” website. On Webkinz World, the Secret Code allows the user to own a virtual version of the pet for virtual interaction.

Fun Fact 1: programming errors have caused many users to lose virtual items, Kinzcash and even pets and entire rooms.
Fun Fact 2: Employees of stores that sell Webkinz products have expressed dismay over various aspects of the Webkinz craze. Many employees have complained about customers who frequently ask about when the new Webkinz styles will arrive, and are concerned by the number of Webkinz some parents purchase.

Retard Factor:

Toontown (2003) 2-3 million subscribers

Created by The Walt Disney Company and billed as the first such game intended for kids and families. The game has an ESRB rating of E, for Cartoon Violence and Comic Mischief. In the game, each player takes the role of a Toon — a cartoon character based on an anthropomorphic animal: a dog, cat, duck, horse, mouse, rabbit, monkey, bear or pig. Players choose the species and customize the look of their toons when they first start the game.

Fun Fact 1: Toontown contains no PVP battles, hence one player cannot “kill” another.
Fun Fact 2: Most players use the built-in Toon name generator, which allows them to construct a name by clicking on one or more pre-approved “toony” words (“Super Pinky”, “Princess Rainbow Twinkletoon”, “Sir Funnymonkey”, etc). If a player chooses to submit a custom name, they must wait for someone at Disney to approve it. Custom names that are rejected will sometimes be approved if they are tried again. Names are not unique — multiple Toons can have the same name.

Retard Factor:

Mail order brides for the retarded

Michael — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 22:45:49 +0000

I’m finally going to get married. It will be a fine day too, though none of my relatives will be there and most are more embarrassed of me than proud of me. I received an email from “Fred Walker” who claimed to be a attractive blonde and in the email was a link which I felt compelled to click on. That was the start of my wife hunting.

Before you start clicking links in emails, I want to warn you that not all of the potential mail order brides are attractive like you would assume they would be. The fortunate part is that with today’s plastic surgery, you can turn an ugly girl into someone that you wouldn’t be grossed out by if you saw her with the lights on.

I went to the website and as it seemed to be very demanding in telling me “DON’T LET LOVE PASS YOU BY!” Once I was on the website I realized that I just couldn’t let love pass me by (or anything else that I could afford to domesticate).

I was shown 8 different pictures of women and took my time in deciding which picture I would click on first in order to learn more about them. By taking my time, I would be showing self control and restraint and of course contemplating the odds that any Russian woman I chose couldn’t outrun me in a regular public location in order to get away.

Diano Dio seemed nice, but looked angry.

Red Flower really seemed to be a good choice and at age 34 wouldn’t likely be as in good shape and thus more willing to deal with me and my mishapen grotesqueness.

Seamerm looked like the sex change surgeries hadn’t been finished, so I was going to avoid her for the time being.

Musegirl remined me of a girl that use to beat me up in school… and I actually liked college besides that.

Fiery looked like she was full-figured, but if I wanted that I would just search out an obese American woman and have her beat me down mentally.

KyshaVol looked like she wasn’t Russian, and if I’m going to be paying for a Russian woman, than damn it, I want a Russian woman!

ValinnaSky! looked like she could defy gravity in her picture, so I will definitely be checking her out more.

Immortal looked attractive and at just age 20 she’s probably too dumb to realize what a lazy lay is, so there is great potential there. Unfortunately seeing the wine reminded me of Aunt Lilly and those memories are still being removed by therapy.

Red Flower‘s page showed me more statistics, which helped me learn much more about her. There were definitely problems with her profile and I’d like to be helpful to her now and let her know a few things.
1) If you are trying to hook up like this, don’t admit divorce. It just shows someone else didn’t want you already.
2) Don’t talk about your children, if you have them or not. I’m not looking for a family, I’m looking for a bride. Just wrap your kid in a box and open him after the wedding while yelling “SURPISE!”.
3) When it asked what your body type is, just say I’m damn fine, don’t refuse to answer. Even saying I’m pudgier than a Mexican in Los Angeles at east gives some indication.

Enough of Red Flower, sorry girl, you’re out of the running. Now it’s time for some VanillaSky!

VanillaSky! has an interesting nickname, it got my attention. And using the exclamation mark as part of her nickname was edgy and reminded me of post-Purple Rain Prince (or the former character known as the former artist formerly known as Prince). VanillySky! also indicates she’s never been married and doesn’t have any kids. Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter, it just looks better written out.

Being 5’4″ tall means that I can almost be the taller in the relationship, which is a relief that I don’t have to wear my 3″ lifts anymore.

Body type slim. Yep, those pictures seem to agree with you. Nice Photoshop job there!

Her English level reads “I prefer to not say” and that’s totally fine with me. I don’t need to understand what’s being said when she talks, only that there are a couple of needs that I have and a couple of requirements to being a wife. Why even have the ability to talk at all?

Well, I’ve decided on VanillaSky! and hope that I’m able to make it back here soon and post about my new adventures with Mrs. VanillaSky! Retard.