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About: Michael

Full Name Michael Sharpe
Website http://retardzone.com
Short and round isn't just how you want your oompa loompa, it's also how my friends would best describe me. I'm not too proud to beg and would probably take a bullet for my best friends and fire a bullet at anyone else. Favorite movies: Office Space; The Princess Bride; Grosse Pointe Blank

Posts by Michael:

It’s game time

Oprah retirement Playing games has been around since the first caveman found a rock and started throwing it at other cavemen. What today is referred to as dodgeball use to be dodgerock, but what about less physical games that only require an Internet connection and fingers not too dirty from eating Fritos and Nerds.
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Mail order brides for the retarded

Mail order brides for the retardedI’m finally going to get married. It will be a fine day too, though none of my relatives will be there and most are more embarrassed of me than proud of me. I received an email from “Fred Walker” who claimed to be a attractive blonde and in the email was a link which I felt compelled to click on. That was the start of my wife hunting. Read More »

Life was better when phishing was spelled with an F

Life was better when phishing was spelled with an FPlease poke out one of my eyes and take me to wherever the blind people live, I think that I would make a good king. I know that wherever I ruled, the word phishing would be spelled only with the letter F and whoever stole my money from Sterling Savings Bank would be put to death. The worst part is that I had saved all my recycled cans/bottles money in the local Sterling bank. Read More »

What ever happened to The Munsters – with grades

A look back on The MunstersIf you were alive in the 1960’s, 1970’s, or 1980’s there’s litte chance that you haven’t heard of The Munsters and most likely you’ve even seen an episode or 72 of them. I know that my favorite babysitter when I was growing up was the TV and thankfully now that I have the ability to have my children raised by TV, the circle of life will continue. Let’s check out Herman and the gang…
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Saved By The Bell where are they now

Saved By The BellEvery retard wonders what happened to the cast of past TV shows. While there are several websites that are run by fans stuck in whatever decade a TV show became popular within, there’s hardly a flipside to the sites that tell the truth about where are they now, so let’s run through a run down on the classmates of Saved By The BellRead More »

A retard’s guide to Switzerland

SwitzerlandLike most retards, there’s not a lot of extra money floating around in my family’s non-forking family tree. The only time the word “trust” is mentioned is in regards to how my sister doesn’t “trust” the men in the family after the really awkward shower mix up (a third time). So with money tighter than Oprah’s kitten trapped underneath her couch cushion, here’s a retard’s guide to Switzerland.
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A retard’s guide to nerd income

A retard's guide to nerd incomeYou are a nerd, live in your parent’s basement (or attic if you live in the Western United States), and you need to prove social stature to your nerd friends that you are better than they are. Well, you could either watch NUMB3RS and laugh along with me at their antiquated mathematical equations, or you could sell your life and soul. Read More »

A retard’s guide to e-commerce

Stores OnlineWorking for a company that doesn’t survive based on the Internet is becoming more unique. Most companies that aren’t failing don’t survive entirely on the Internet for income, which might be a good thing. For those on the web that succeed, there’s no question that they are hoping to brand something different that makes them the next Facebook or MySpace or Retard Empire. Read More »

A retard’s guide to unlocking phones

Locked PHoneWhen your boss pays you by the hour, what wouldn’t you do for him or (if you’re lesser of a man and are subservient to a woman) for her”? My boss and I are friends, and have been friends for a longer time period than I’ve been his employee. There are many non-work things that I would do for my boss, including using a murder kit. But there are some things I wouldn’t do… Read More »

Facebook is for anti-semitics

Anti-semitic facebook An anti-Israeli Facebook group is being eradicated by a secret group being called the JIDF (Jewish Internet Defense Force) being led by “John Cohen”. Of course, the JIDF hasn’t commented on whether they have any Israeli Special Forces training, but chances are Cohen peed himself at a Bar Mitzvah.

The JIDF took control of the “Israel is not a country! Delist it from Facebook as a country” Facebook group and is steadily deleting its members. Cohen’s anti-(anti-semitic) group and has since grown in popularity, with a following of over 60,000 members as of July 31, 2008. Read More »

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