Waylon Smithers whose closeted sexual orientation has been characterized by the writers of the show as "Burns-sexual" which is where men are apparently attracted to men of nursing home age.

TV Show: The Simpsons

Stewie Griffith has all of the classic signs or symptoms of being gay except he really doesn’t like his mother. Stewie is breaking ground as the first gay infant on television.

TV Show: The Family Guy

Tinky Winky who has a triangle on his head, acts effeminately and carries a purse has been accused of trying to turn children gay by the far right for nearly a decade.

TV Show: The Teletubbies

Horatio Thelonious Ignacious Crustaceous Sebastian may not have come out of his shell yet but he’s definitely stuffing boy crabs.

TV Show: The Little Mermaid

Spongebob is a soft asexual, anti-masculine figure who lives in a pineapple in an undersea locale called Bikini Bottom. His best friends are an ebullient pink starfish named Patrick. and a Squid who enjoys bubble baths and classical music and talks like Paul Lynde. SpongeBob and Patrick are occasionally seen holding hands. As an article on the Gay Financial Network’s website puts it, ”You do the math, folks.”

TV Show: Spongebob Squarepants

Hefty, Handy and Vanity are gay archetypes. Vanity is the kind of gay archetype commonly presented by the straight entertainment industry, while Hefty and Handy are gay archetypes in the same vein as the Village People, with their extremely iconic masculinity, exaggerated to the point of camp. Meanwhile, I believe Clumsy and Brainy represent an stereotypical gay couple. Besides 100 males with only one woman would have to go gay unless the woman was Madonna.

TV Show: The Smurfs

Timon & Pumbaa are always on the lookout for a good worm to stick in their mouths. Not just Disney’s first gay couple they were also the first gay couple to adopt and raise Simba the Lion King.

TV Show: The Lion King

Peppermint Patty had a deep, gravelly voice. Wears pants, not dresses like the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football, and even picked on boys. She always hung out with that androgynous Marcie who calls her "sir" and she always wears comfortable shoes.

TV Show: Charlie Brown

Velma Dinkley always tries to cuddle up next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. She sported a butch Pete Rose haircut. Has broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck-sweaters and knee socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.

TV Show: Scooby Doo

Network: ABC

Synopsis:

Animated comedy where four small children solve some current events problem ripped stolen from the headlines.

Lineage:

Charlie Brown class from hell.

Network: Comedy Channel

Synopsis:

Send a team of investigators with cameras around the world looking for undiscovered monsters that don’t exist.


Lineage:

Weekly World News (that tabloid they used to have in check out isles that covered nonexistent monsters) in TV form

Network: Sci Fi Channel

Synopsis:

The original sarcastic cartoon where
dysfunctional family attempts normalhood with disastrous results.

Lineage:

Leave it to Beaver meets Married with Children.

Network: FOX

Synopsis:

Secret agent gets laid off and solves crimes while trying to find out who burned him.

Lineage:

Magnum PI meets the A-Team.

Network: USA

Network: USA

Synopsis:

Two best friends and roommates make a living as guinea pigs for "Testico," a drug and product testing facility.

Lineage:

Borat meets Jackass situational comedy.

Network: FX

Network: USA

Synopsis:

Sarcastic animated family comedy
parodying everything it can copy without getting sued.

Lineage:

Brady Bunch meets Dumb and Dumber.

Network: FOX

REAPER: Similar to Brimstone, only with slackers. Was a comedy where Sam whose soul was sold to the devil by his parents tracks down escaped souls for the devil.

MY NAME IS EARL: White trash goes around trying to undo all the bad things he did before getting hit by a car and learning about Karma while watching a TV talk show.

He’s under her umbrella and won’t give it back, without the magic umbrella which is the source of the singer’s otherwise untalented mega successful career.

It’s a little known fact that Chris’s mother is a Jamaican voodoo priestess and is controlling her mind in a desperate bid to avoid Federline-like separation.

The stereotype is true and Chris Brown is hung like a Shetland pony.

She is covering for a closely guarded secret that could bring down her career and she is afraid he will reveal: Rihanna and Chris are related. The two are apparently brotha and sista.

Rihanna has a brown beloved poodle hybrid, mixture of a Maltese and a Poodle that Brown has kidnapped and threatened to feed to a Korean family if she leaves him.

The very religious and slightly dim-witted Rihanna was convinced by Chris that the beating occurred only after he was possessed by an evil spirit that well known con-man and Ghost huckster John Edwards claimed to have exorcised.

Body Count:

Body Count:

50 year old Bernie Mac died August 9th, 2008 only to have co-star Isaac Hayes die one day later. It is rumored that Samuel L. Jackson locked himself in a hospital that night fearing celebrities die in threes. This pathetic comedy wasn’t released until two months the untimely deaths of it’s stars and made only $12 million dollars domestically.

Body Count:

Scriptwriter David Seltzer’s plane was struck by lightning.

Star Gregory Peck, in a separate incident, had his plane struck by lightning.

Richard Donner’s hotel was bombed by the Provisional IRA.

Gregory Peck canceled his reservation on a flight. The plane he had originally chartered crashed, killing all on board (a group of Japanese businessmen).

A warden at the safari park used in the "crazy baboon" scene was attacked and killed by a lion the day after the crew left.

Rottweilers hired for the film attacked their trainers.

On the first day of shooting, the principal members of the crew got in a head-on car crash.

The curse continues to this day where the remake may have doomed multiple careers.

Body Count:

• not including A plane full of Japanese businessmen the pilot and his family.

22-year-old Aaliyah hadn’t even finished filming before she died in a plane crash. The ‘Oracle’ Gloria Foster didn’t see her own death coming and it was rumored Brandon Lee had been cast to play Neo before his death. Perhaps the greatest curse fell upon the creators who haven’t made a decent film since.

Body Count:

The curse of Superman mainly strikes the actors cast as the good guys – play one of them, and there’s a good chance your career will stall or you’ll suffer serious misfortune. The most famous victims are George Reeves and Christopher Reeve. George played Superman in the 1950s. In 1959, eight days before he was due to be married, he was found dead from a gunshot wound, a mystery that provided the plot of last year’s Hollywoodland, starring Ben Affleck. Christopher was paralyzed after being thrown from his horse in 1995. In 2004, he died from heart failure.

Margot Kidder (Lois Lane) now suffers from bipolar disorder. Marlon Brando played Superman’s dad before a series of tragedies befell his personal life, involving the imprisonment and death of his son Christian. Richard Pryor (Superman III), was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The careers of actors Kirk Allen and Dean Cain nose dived after playing the Man of Steel.

Body Count:

Body Count:

The Misfits would prove to be the last major film for it’s three stars Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe and Montgomery Clift. This film had major locations throughout it’s production because of a heat wave in the Black Rock Desert. 59-year-old Clark Gable died of a hear attack 11 days after filming his own stunts in the heat. Monroe died of a drug overdose a year later and Clift died five years later.

Body Count:

Body Count:

Hollywood maverick turned crazy shut-in who saved his own urine in bottles made this box office disaster biopic of Genghis Khan. The recluse cast the caucasian cowboy actor John Wayne and things went bad from there. While filming a black panther tried to eat the female lead Susan Hayward.

In a disastrous location selection the film was made in Utah’s Snow Canyon which was chalk full of fallout from nearby nuclear bomb tests at Yucca Flats. Of the 220 crew members 91 developed cancer and 46 died including the film’s star John Wayne, director Dick Powell and Susan Hayward.
Photos from the movie exist of Wayne and other crew members holding Geiger counters that were off the charts

Body Count:

BODY COUNT: Happy Days, Married with Children, The Love Boat, and Dynasty.

Ted McGinley routinely sends her thank-you notes for removing the taint of "show killer" from his public profile. Paula Marshall isn’t offensive her acting style is just like oatmeal (a little bland and too boring.)

BODY COUNT: Cupid, Out of Practice, Snoops, Veronica Mars, Shark, Manchild, Out of Practice, Hidden Hills, Cursed, Sports Night, Wild Oats, Miss Match, Just Shoot Me, and Hidden Hills

Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s has the pouty facial expressions of a 13 year old girl and silky hair to match.

BODY COUNT: NYPD Blue, Raising the Bar, John from Cincinnati, Law Dogs, Commander in Chief, Hyperion Bay, and D.C.

BODY COUNT: Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Buffalo Bill, The Guardian, Heartland, Courting Alex, and Recess

BODY COUNT: Conviction, Sex Love & Secrets, Veritas, Hawaii, Clueless, The Ex List, The Chronicle, and Fearless

Tim Conway’s toughest career break came when Obama was elected president. If McCain had one Tim could have masterfully played the fellow octogenarian president on Saturday Night Live. His grating acting ability is essentially limited to about a half dozen silly faces.

BODY COUNT: Coach, Married with Children, Newhart, Mad about You

BODY COUNT: Class of ’96, Sweet Justice, The Force, Murder One, EZ Streets, Philly, Falcone, The Beast, Boomtown, LAX, Windfall, and Lincoln Heights

You know you’re having a bad day or watching a terribly stupid movie when someone close to you is carried off by a
ghost dinosaur These usually invisible ghosts of giant herds of dinosaur ghosts. The movie asserts that oil fields are actually just dinosaur cemeteries. When the ‘disease’ is in advanced stages the herd is not only visible but will grab you up.

Retard Survival Tip:
To survive simply close your eyes, apparently if you can’t see them they really aren’t there and can’t harm you.

People are not the only victims of this mysterious disease unlocked by drilling in the arctic. Bulldozers, trucks and snowmobiles all fall victim to the possibly gas emissions released by drilling on the dinosaur cemetery.

Some vehicles have their oil spill out and others simply won’t start.

Retard Survival Tip:
Be sure to carry along some extra motor oil and a jumper cables and an extra pair of hiking boots just in case.

When our lone survivor Abby is rescued and taken to a hospital over a hundred miles away she apparently carries The Last Winter or TLW Disease
with her. When she awakes from her rescue the hospital is empty and she stumbles upon her doctor who has already hung himself.

Retard Survival Tip:
Shoot the survivors, they are contagious like in the movie The Ruins (where villagers shoot those who touch the contagious plants) combined with The Happening (Where plants go on a suicide inducing hormone releasing spree).

Retard Survival Tip:
Just because this movie is about drilling doesn’t give you an excuse to go picking your nose. Remember it’s not just gross it’s potentially fatal.

TLW Disease is apparently airborne and causes airplanes to crash barbecuing three victims. Somewhat disturbingly the foreman pins his escape plan on getting 10 people into the tiny four person Cessna 172 (but the movie was on a limited budget).

Retard Survival Tip:
Travel by sea, the air and land are definitely unsafe but no one dies on the water so it’s probably the safest means of transportation.

The strategy of "mainstreaming" is to put children who can’t keep up with grade level work in the class with functioning students. Across the country teachers are spending a huge percentage of their time slowing down their curriculum to try to keep these slower students up with the rest of the class. In Europe there is a college bound tract and a trade school tract where children who aren’t college material are taught valuable trade skills.

Retard Survival Tip:
The homicidal behavior was only exhibited by the nearly 300 pound Dawn Russell character so it’s safe to assume it only effects fat chicks (avoid them at all costs).

At the end of the movie our lone survivor emerges from her abandoned hospital room to here thumping noises. You can tell the camera starts to pan back to reveal the city she is staring at only to abruptly cut to black. It’s pretty obvious the movie was aiming for one of those 28 Days Later city in ruins shots but lacked the budget.

Retard Survival Tip:
If you don’t have the money to film something leave it out (see original Star Wars). When hiring a script writer don’t grab the same lazy idiot who ended the last episode of the Sopranos by clicking the off button in the middle of a scene.

Scientists have long theorized that dinosaurs somehow evolved into modern day birds. This movie finally puts the debate on that and drilling in ANWAR to rest. Specifically crows are most closely related to dinosaurs. These crows have something to do with the TLW disease, have somehow developed an immunity to live in the Arctic tundra. The crows subsist in the frigid temperatures by consuming the numerous human victims of the TLW disease.

Retard Survival Tip:
Bring along a be bee gun, the crows may or may not have anything to do with the disease but by killing them you can ensure that at least your remains aren’t eaten by the flying scavengers.

A giant herd of caribou like dinosaurs with antlers reveals what only a few brave scientists have theorized. This herd appears as wind to the uninfected only to appear and kill their victims once infected by the disease.

Retard Survival Tip:
Take a Bible with you this whole evolution thing is incompatible with the creation theory of God making everything in seven days. The book many not only save your spirit but it might just make these make-believe creatures disappear.

Originally the movie was going to be shot in the grassy forests of Alaska. When ANWAR became more relevant filming was moved further north and one early shot was left in showing the test well much further south in a grassy area.

Retard Survival Tip:
The test well is nothing more than a large refrigerator sized pandora’s box. Covering it with Chernobyl style domes will lock the deadly disease causing gases inside. With the small size of the well an oversized salad bowl or camping tent should do the trick as the well cap is apparently only a few feet high.

Frederick Hubbard Gwynne was a tall man, measuring 6’5″, but that wasn’t for playing the beloved father of the monster family. Every day of recording Gwynne would put 50 pounds of padding, makeup, and would strap on 4-inch elevator shoes. His face was actually painted a bright red because it captured the most amount of light on black-and-white film. When asked off camera in his later years about Herman, Gwynne was quoted as saying “I might as well tell you the truth. I love old Herman Munster. Much as I try not to, I can’t stop liking that fellow.”

Having over 55 TV and movie credits to his name, Gwynne was a celebrated movie and stage actor as well as a father of four and loving husband. Gwynne died of pancreatic cancer in 1993, just 8 days short of his 67th birthday. His grave remains unmarked in Finksburg, MD.

Albert Meister was an American actor whose life was extinguished after a short 82 years. Lewis is best known as his role of Grandpa, where he would be forever type cast. In order to have a more complete life post his monster-job, Lewis opened a restaurant, was a political candidate, and a radio broadcaster. A little known fact about Lewis is that he played the father to Lily, who he was younger than in real life.

One thing for sure is that Lewis had been found contradicting himself many times. Facts that could never be proven include his birth year (1910 or 1923), his questionable Ph.D. from Columbia, his claims to have been in World War II, and whether he was ever a good actor.

Margaret Yvonne Middleton of Vancouver, British Columbia was the female lead of the TV show, which she played rather convincingly (I still have nightmare sexual dreams about her). While on the show, Lily was never looked poorly upon for her choice in following the TV career, though it was a large drop in popularity versus her movie career where she played opposite actors like Burt Lancaster, Clark Gable, and Siney Poitier.

Yvonne was honored with two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and will be looked upon with interesting thoughts since she released a book about initimate friends, including Aly Khan, Billy Wilder, Burt Lancaster, Howard Hughes, Robert Stack and Robert Taylor.

Patrick Alan Lilley peaked as Eddie, where he received $600 per episode (while the average adult salary was $46 a week). Of course because most sitcom actors from the 1960′s receive no residuals, Butch would continue to have to work in order to make a living. In order to ride the Eddie into the ground, Butch started a band named Eddie & The Monsters.

Butch would show up on VH1′s list of 100 Greatest Kid Stars, coming in at #45. Then in July 2008 he would be seen on a courtroom TV show because his website was robbed by a friend, which he wound up having to pay $1,400 because of.

Beverly played the role of Marilyn during the first season only (a role she disliked, and only accepted out of contractual obligations to Universal Studios). After thirteen episodes, Owen left the program to get married, and was replaced by Pat Priest. Beginning in 1971 she appeared for two years on Another World, after which she retired from television and chose to perform exclusively in live theatre.

Truth is that there’s not much more information about Owen, as she wasn’t the prettier or more talented of the Marilyn’s and besides off-off-Broadway stuff she probably only did work in high school auditoriums.

The running gag of Marilyn’s character was that this normal, beautiful blonde was keenly aware that she was the “ugly” or “plain” one in the family. Priest continued where Owen left off until the series ended. Priest was by far the most attractive regular on the show and would most likely have been asked to join Baywatch if the Hoff were out of diapers at that time.

After the series ended, Priest appeared on episodes of TV programs such as Bewitched, Perry Mason and Mary Tyler Moore. Though she retired in the 1980′s, she continues to attend “Munster” revivals and conventions.

The Raven was voiced by Mel Blanc and occasionally Bob Hastings. The raven lives in the Munsters’ cuckoo clock and repeats the word “Nevermore”. It is Herman’s target when he’s angered, causing Herman to throw objects at him on occasions. Sometimes, the raven will come out of his clock, but often only for short periods, or to flee when he thinks there is a catastrophe.

I’m not sure what caused Hastings to have to follow up Blanc for this prestigious, faceless job… but it’s always nice to have an understudy.