Retard Zone » Environmental

Congress takes over GM and launches it’s first new car

Jerome — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 08:28:19 +0000

In case you were wondering what sort of cars Detroit would start churning out now that it’s controlled by a labor union friendly pro environment leaning congress… The Congressional Motors GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition could be hitting the roads in 2012.

It’s in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You’re a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It’s that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again — with a vengeance.

We’ve subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you’ll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that’s a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn’t skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you’ll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed…

Read the Rest of the Hilarious (but terrifyingly possible) Article from Iowahawk

Eco-friendly vibrator helps save environment one crank at a time

Jerome — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 23:15:21 +0000

Batteries create a whole host of problems for our struggling planet from zinc which is extremely polluting to mine, to their manufacture and disposal issues. So that’s why the green company earth angel ‘comes’ in to make the planet a little better for everyone with the world’s first environmentally friendly vibrator…

Most batteries contain heavy metals (mercury, cadmium, lead), which are the main cause for environmental concern. If waste batteries are not disposed of correctly, heavy metals may leak when the battery corrodes, and so contribute to soil and water pollution and endanger wildlife. Increased levels of greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide act to enhance the natural greenhouse effect and accelerate irreversible changes in the climate.

Powered by a hand crake it charges in minutes and even has indicator lights to let you know how much cranking power is left in there.

The hand crank powers up for about an eight minute charge available in four environmentally friendly speeds.

Developed in Ireland the world’s first green sex toy manufacturers are committed to pleasuring people and the planet.

Best of all it’s products are 100% recycled.

Coming in recycled packaging the tool even comes with a medical certificate for quality, because it’s important what you know that you are sticking something somewhere that’s both safe and pleasurable.

The earth angel costs around $105.00 US and Bonny Hall of sex toy website LoveHoney added: “It may sound like a wind-up, but going green has never been this sexy.”

Buy One Today

Obama administration considering spending billions on geoengineering

Jerome — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:38:22 +0000

The president’s new science adviser said Wednesday that global warming is so dire, the Obama administration is discussing radical technologies to cool Earth’s air. Geoengineering or planetary engineering would involve the deliberate modification of Earth’s environment on a large scale "to suit human needs and promote habitability." Here are some of the leading methods of Geoengineering being discussed…

Artificial Trees

Theory: Another geoengineering option he mentioned by the president’s new science adviser was the use of so-called artificial trees to suck carbon dioxide—the chief human-caused greenhouse gas—out of the air and store it. At first that seemed prohibitively expensive, but a re-examination of the approach shows it might be less costly, he said.

Failure: Actual trees are less expensive both economically and environmentally to produce.

Retard Factor:

Cloud Reflectivity Enhancement

Theory: Modern versions of the Rotor ship Buckau could spray seawater into the air to create clouds, shielding the earth from the sun. By creating cloud condensation nuclei, geoengineers can change the albedo of clouds to make them appear whiter.

Failure: The process of building a small navy of unmanned saltwater spraying ships would be prohibitively expensive, although with massive cuts to the US Navy pending there could soon be 13 unemployed aircraft carriers.

Retard Factor:

Cool Roof

Theory: Another form or solar radiation management using pale-coloured roofing and paving materials. In the world of industrial and commercial buildings, a roofing system that can deliver high solar reflectance (the ability to reflect the visible, infrared and ultraviolet wavelengths of the sun, reducing heat transfer to the building) and high thermal emittance (the ability to release a large percentage of absorbed, or non-reflected solar energy) is a cool roof.

Failure: Most of the planet’s factories are in third world countries that don’t bother to pump their waste into anywhere but the local rivers let alone go paint all of their buildings with fancy paint. Although we are regulating everything else so why not ban dark colored paint?

Retard Factor:

Stratospheric Sulfur Aerosols / Artificial Volcanoes

Theory: Thomas Wigley, an expert on climate change based at the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder, Colo., has created computer simulations that replicate the 1991 "Mount Pinatubo effect"—a temporary cooling period created by the launch of 20 million tons of sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere. The injection could be accomplished by artillery, aircraft and balloons. The compound would react to form a cloud of sulfuric acid droplets that would in turn reflect sunlight and cool the globe.

Failure: Anyone remember our planet’s history? Massive clouds of volcanic waste helped wipe out the dinosaurs, and at least they weren’t dumb enough to do it themselves.

Retard Factor:

Iron Fertilization

Theory: Iron fertilization is the intentional introduction of iron to the upper ocean to stimulate a phytoplankton bloom. This is intended to enhance biological productivity, which can benefit the marine food chain and sequester carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

Failure: Iron is a potentially toxic heavy metal. In excess, it can cause cancer, heart disease, and other illnesses. Our oceans have enough heavy metals and waste without us pumping more of them and possibly killing off sea life as we know it.

Retard Factor:

Arctic Geoengineering

Theory: It has been proposed to actively enhance the polar ice cap by spraying or pumping water onto the top of it which would build thicker sea ice. As ice is an insulator, water on the surface of the ice tends to freeze more quickly than that below. River water could be used for this purpose, as salt water tends to resist freezing, and may end up perforating the resulting ice sheet.

Failure: Building, delivering and maintaining the equipment necessary to deliver the large amounts of water in the volumes needed under those conditions would be nearly impossible.

Retard Factor:

Creating Biochar and Burying It

Theory: Creating biochar (anaerobic charcoal) and burying it to create terra preta Terra preta (“dark earth” in Portuguese) refers to expanses of very dark, fertile anthropogenic soils found in the Amazon Basin. It owes its name to its very high charcoal content. If biochar becomes widely used for soil improvement, it will involve globally significant amounts of carbon sequestration, remediating global warming.

Failure: The world is too busy tearing up natural areas and converting them to strip malls to find the time or empty space to start burying manmade charcoal.

Retard Factor:

Biomass Energy with Carbon Capture and Storage

Theory: Essentially composting on a massive scale. Biomass, as a renewable energy source, refers to living and recently dead biological material that can be used as fuel or for industrial production.

Failure: Our cars, trucks and factories simply cannot run on manure, let alone could we create enough waste even with Washington’s help.

Retard Factor:

Particle Sea Reflection

Theory: One early considered method was spreading very small reflective particles” over about five million square miles of ocean, so as to bounce about 1 percent more sunlight back to space.

Failure: Particle Sea Reflection has been ruled out as “a wacky geoengineering solution". Unfortunately this would inevitably pollute the oceans, and the particles would probably wash up on beaches fairly quickly.

Retard Factor:

Orbital Solar Reflectors

Theory: Rockets would launch massive sun-blocking mirrors erected in deep space, reflecting the solar heat before it enters the atmosphere.

Failure: Undoubtedly the pollution caused by the rockets delivering the mirrors and their production would probably outweigh any benefit.

Retard Factor:

Several billions and perhaps trillions of your tax dollars at work, possibly saving and possibly doing more harm than good. Worst case we save the money on Geoengineering at focus on the positive effects of global warming.

Help put an end to dolphin predators

Jerome — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 00:56:03 +0000

Until recently these crimes of remained an unreported, with this video evidence together we can help put an end to dolphin predators. Only with your help can we make the world a better place for everyone above and below the world’s oceans.

Dolphin Predator Victim Recording 1:

Please take a stand against this monsters, and help put them behind bars or on the dinner plates of Japanese where they belong. If you or someone you know is a victim report them before they do it again!

Dolphin Predator Victim Recording 2:

The DSe hybrid solar powered boat a Titanic disaster?

Jerome — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:37:22 +0000

The DSe hybrid is a brand new 42 foot boat promising "green cruising". What could go wrong building buying a $600,000 dollar boat from a startup company promising a miraculous new product? Here’s our top ten reasons you might want to wait for reviews before rushing out to buy one.

High Cost

The introductory price of a DSe Hybrid 12m is US$600,000. Comparably equipped conventional powerboats run about $250,000 less. During a recession very few will have the cash to spend on essentially experimental technologies like this.

Retard Factor:

Questionable Durability

The ocean is one of the harshest environments on earth, with constant exposure to sun and saltwater. On ships solid metal can rust in a year, let alone delicate panels that should not be walked on. These unproven panels will have a difficult time surviving more than a few years under these conditions.

Retard Factor:

Toxic Batteries
	All batteries are toxic to make, dispose of, have short life spans and can even been deadly when exposed to water. They contain toxic ingredients that show evidence of bio accumulating in the food chain (including in plants), which means that concentrations can rapidly become relatively high in organisms high in the food chain. Retard Factor:	3

Low Battery Capacity

The batteries provide only two hours of power and under electric power can generate speeds adequate for harbor cruising (about 6 miles per hour). Which is great if you want a $600,000 dollar boat capable of only a few laps in the harbor.

Retard Factor:

Unable to Position Solar Cells

Non-adjustable solar panels can only harvest about 50 percent of the available sunlight due to angles and shadows from the ship itself. The catch is that the mechanisms required to adjust the panels to face the sun would break down in the harsh nautical environment.

Retard Factor:

Minimal Deck Space

With virtually all of the upper deck devoted to solar panels the boat has very little space available. The delicate panels should not be stepped on and even though the power needs are probably several times the square footage used it leaves very little room for maneuvering on deck.

Retard Factor:

It’s a Catameran

Catamarans have some advantages like resistance to capsizing, spacious widths and speed advantages although the vast majority of boats are mono hull or single hulled. Here are some of the biggest disadvantages to a catameran:

Cost to park:
harbors are set up to accommodate narrower single hulled ships and a catamaran can cost double the typical $400 a month in slip fees.
Less maneuverable:

Mono hulls are the choice whenever close-quarters maneuvering is required. A fin keel mono hull can pivot on its keel allowing for a tight turning radius and excellent maneuverability. Cats, without the keel, must turn through the water and have a much wider turning radius.
Motion Sickness:
Contrary to mono hulls which have a ballasted keel, catamarans rely only on form stability, which may lead to motion discomfort and more seasickness in light wind conditions.

Retard Factor:

Bleeding Edge Technology

All of the estimates are projected, the technology is unproven and the startup company producing it doesn’t even list an actual mailing address. Pictured is the prototype built out of wood 2x4s.

Retard Factor:

Reduced Visibility

Visibility will be impaired between glare from the panels, the wind turbines and solar panels sticking out above the cockpit. Small boats rely on line of sight navigation so this reduced visibility could easily result in a boating accident.

Retard Factor:

Questionable Environmental Return

Face it people are buying this boat to save the planet and this boat may not do that. The life span of the solar panels and batteries, their real-world effectiveness, and construction of toxic batteries give this boat an incomplete grade at best. At worst the boats are unusable and are toxic dumps in just a few years.

Retard Factor:

Home page for the DSe Hybrid manufacturer.

Recession survival guide for retards

Jerome — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:07:58 +0000

With the recession certain consumer items will be too expensive and others will prove to be relatively recession-proof. Look at our handy guide and find out how you can save thousands of dollars and lower your carbon footprint at the same time!

Tobacco Products

Candy

Carton of 200 Cigarettes

$59.99

2 Pound Bag of Candy

$2.99

$57.00

With taxes on cigarettes andincreased insurance premiums for smokers candy can save you thousands of dollars. Sure obesity and lung cancer both will probalby lead to early deaths, but think of all the cash you will have saved.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Theater Movies

Netflix

2 Movie tickets, Popcorn & Soda

$34.99

Netflix Movie Rental

$4.99

$30.00

The avarage movie ticket now costs over $10 nationally, you can get a monthly subscription to Netflix for costs less than that (depending on how many movies you have out at at time.)

Carbon Offset:

Restaurants

Pasta & Pasta Sauce

Dinner for Two

$34.00

Dry Pasta & Pasta Sauce

$7.00

$27.00

It all depends on where you eat out, but eating in can save thousands a year. You can even microwave leftovers for lunch.

Carbon Offset:

Department Stores

Walmart

Outfit at Department Store

$79.99

Cheaper outfit at Walmart

$34.99

$1,250*

* Walmart advertises that you can save $2,500 a year and $700 in groceries alone. Actual mileage may vary, but based on the trail of bankrupt competitors and vendors Walmart will save you some cash. We guesstimated an annual savings of $1,250 if you do all your shopping at Walmart.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Plastic Surgery

Cosmetics

Average Nose Job (Rhinoplasty)

$3,250

Makeup Items

$54

$3,195

Cosmetics are considered recession proof items, and for a fraction of the cost they can obscure your unseemly beast like nose long enough to save up for a corrective surgery.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Recycled Products

Cheapest Available

Box of 100% Recycled Paper

$51.99

Box of Standard Copy Paper

$35.99

$16

You can save 25% or more by ingoring the environment and ignoring recycled products. The planet is doomed so why pay extra for it.

Carbon Offset:
NEGATIVE

Travel Holidays

Vacation at Home

Week in Hawaii

$4,000

Week at Home

FREE

$4,000

Sure you won’t have the memories, but you will need that $4,000 for your retirement once social security goes bankrupt in less than 15 years.

Carbon Offset:

Premium Drinks

Generic Beer

Bottle of Dom Perignon

$98

24 Pack of Beer

$14

$84

Beer is cheap and will make you forget how broke you are. On the plus side it’s got enough nutritional value you can skip on food too for even more savings!

Carbon Offset:
NA

Carbonated Drinks

Tap Water

24 Pack of Coca Cola

5 Gallons of Tap Water

$.05

$6.95

Carbonated drinks are in the top 5 consumer items vulnerable to recession. Besides the calories might make up for some of that candy you’ve been shoveling down since you gave up smoking.

Carbon Offset:

Casinos

Video Games

Weekend in Vegas

$500

New Video Game

$59

$441

Video games are relatively cheap and can take weeks to solve. Plus a game console can probably play those Blu-Ray DVDs you’ll be renting on Netflix.

Carbon Offset:

Gym Memberships

Watching Television

Annual Gym Membership

$499

Watching TV

FREE

$499

Going to the gym may be better for you over the long term, but watching television is free and requires less effort. Just think of all those trips to the gym you are saving, take a walk instead.

Carbon Offset:

Research from Nielsen’s

The Last Winter shows how drilling in ANWR could end the world

Jerome — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 23:56:21 +0000

The Last Winter is a cautionary tale about the dangers of drilling in ANWAR. No not global warming, or oil spills but a dangerous and mysterious disease called TLW Disease. It can cause airplanes to crash, ghost dinosaur attacks, homicide, suicide and will basically bring about the end of the world.

Take heed the 2006 blockbuster film which grossed just over $33,190 dollars illustrates the catastrophic perils involved with drilling in ANWAR.

Beware of Ghost Dinosaurs

You know you’re having a bad day or watching a terribly stupid movie when someone close to you is carried off by a
ghost dinosaur These usually invisible ghosts of giant herds of dinosaur ghosts. The movie asserts that oil fields are actually just dinosaur cemeteries. When the ‘disease’ is in advanced stages the herd is not only visible but will grab you up.

Retard Survival Tip:
To survive simply close your eyes, apparently if you can’t see them they really aren’t there and can’t harm you.

The Last Winter Disease Effects Automobiles

People are not the only victims of this mysterious disease unlocked by drilling in the arctic. Bulldozers, trucks and snowmobiles all fall victim to the possibly gas emissions released by drilling on the dinosaur cemetery.

Some vehicles have their oil spill out and others simply won’t start.

Retard Survival Tip:
Be sure to carry along some extra motor oil and a jumper cables and an extra pair of hiking boots just in case.

TLW Disease Spread by Human Contact

When our lone survivor Abby is rescued and taken to a hospital over a hundred miles away she apparently carries The Last Winter or TLW Disease
with her. When she awakes from her rescue the hospital is empty and she stumbles upon her doctor who has already hung himself.

Retard Survival Tip:
Shoot the survivors, they are contagious like in the movie The Ruins (where villagers shoot those who touch the contagious plants) combined with The Happening (Where plants go on a suicide inducing hormone releasing spree).

TLW Disease Causes Fatal Nose-Bleeds

The Last WInter or TLW Disease
can cause uncontrolled nose bleeds for some unknown reason.
Our e-mail impaired Elliot Jenkins ignores uncontrolled nose bleeds early on in the movie only to lock the door and go to sleep without seeking medical attention.

Retard Survival Tip:
Just because this movie is about drilling doesn’t give you an excuse to go picking your nose. Remember it’s not just gross it’s potentially fatal.

TLW Disease Brings Down Airplanes

TLW Disease is apparently airborne and causes airplanes to crash barbecuing three victims. Somewhat disturbingly the foreman pins his escape plan on getting 10 people into the tiny four person Cessna 172 (but the movie was on a limited budget).

Retard Survival Tip:
Travel by sea, the air and land are definitely unsafe but no one dies on the water so it’s probably the safest means of transportation.

‘Disease’ Causes Homicidal Behavior

The strategy of "mainstreaming" is to put children who can’t keep up with grade level work in the class with functioning students. Across the country teachers are spending a huge percentage of their time slowing down their curriculum to try to keep these slower students up with the rest of the class. In Europe there is a college bound tract and a trade school tract where children who aren’t college material are taught valuable trade skills.

Retard Survival Tip:
The homicidal behavior was only exhibited by the nearly 300 pound Dawn Russell character so it’s safe to assume it only effects fat chicks (avoid them at all costs).

TLW Ran Out of Money

At the end of the movie our lone survivor emerges from her abandoned hospital room to here thumping noises. You can tell the camera starts to pan back to reveal the city she is staring at only to abruptly cut to black. It’s pretty obvious the movie was aiming for one of those 28 Days Later city in ruins shots but lacked the budget.

Retard Survival Tip:
If you don’t have the money to film something leave it out (see original Star Wars). When hiring a script writer don’t grab the same lazy idiot who ended the last episode of the Sopranos by clicking the off button in the middle of a scene.

Dinosaurs Really are Related to Birds

Scientists have long theorized that dinosaurs somehow evolved into modern day birds. This movie finally puts the debate on that and drilling in ANWAR to rest. Specifically crows are most closely related to dinosaurs. These crows have something to do with the TLW disease, have somehow developed an immunity to live in the Arctic tundra. The crows subsist in the frigid temperatures by consuming the numerous human victims of the TLW disease.

Retard Survival Tip:
Bring along a be bee gun, the crows may or may not have anything to do with the disease but by killing them you can ensure that at least your remains aren’t eaten by the flying scavengers.

Dinosaurs Have Antlers

A giant herd of caribou like dinosaurs with antlers reveals what only a few brave scientists have theorized. This herd appears as wind to the uninfected only to appear and kill their victims once infected by the disease.

Retard Survival Tip:
Take a Bible with you this whole evolution thing is incompatible with the creation theory of God making everything in seven days. The book many not only save your spirit but it might just make these make-believe creatures disappear.

Test Well Small is Small Box

Originally the movie was going to be shot in the grassy forests of Alaska. When ANWAR became more relevant filming was moved further north and one early shot was left in showing the test well much further south in a grassy area.

Retard Survival Tip:
The test well is nothing more than a large refrigerator sized pandora’s box. Covering it with Chernobyl style domes will lock the deadly disease causing gases inside. With the small size of the well an oversized salad bowl or camping tent should do the trick as the well cap is apparently only a few feet high.

A Trailer for the sort of possible future documentary / Horror movie ‘The Last Winter’

The eco-friendly solution to the housing crisis

Jerome — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:52:07 +0000

One women has solved our housing problem, environmental problems, and with her new prototype home we can escape hurricanes without damage to our property. We may need some period of adjustment when we change over to this new style of living but the rewards are limitless.

Imagine an eco-friendly world, when our home’s energy is supplied by solar power. Imagine a world where everyone has the same size home with no more homeless and no more envy. Dee Williams of Olympia Washington has found the future of housing with her new prototype home. Add the mortgage crisis as one more thing these tiny $10,000 homes can solve. Made from recycled materials this home is the future and can be parked in a driveway.

Downstairs Layout:

This two story house of the future features two bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 4 wheels and prices around $10,000 (depending on options).

Upstairs Layout:

Exterior:

“A simpler life, time, more money. I don’t have a mortgage. I don’t have a big utility bill,” Dee says.

Her monthly heating bill in the winter is $6, less in the summer.

“I’m able to offer money to my family if they need it, (and to) my friends if they need it,” says Dee.

Video:

Coverage from CBS

Bigfoot found but many unanswered questions remain

Jerome — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:38:29 +0000

Now that Bigfoot’s existence has been proved beyond a shadow of doubt by the good folks at Searching for Bigfoot LLC we can get down to asking the really important outstanding journalistic questions about bigfoot…

1.	Crazy People Why have only crazy people seen you in the past? Are you drawn to exposing yourself to them or them to you?
2.	Why so Camera Shy? With roughly four hundred million cell phones with cameras, digital cameras and all manners of photo taking devices why are there so few pictures of you?
3.	Swinging 70s The National Enquirer is reporting that you had a swinging trist with the six million dollar man and the bioinic woman (apparently the six million dollar man was bi-onic also). Just come out and confirm the affair don’t pull a John Edwards.
4.	What’s with the Beef Jerky? Why do you like Beef Jerky so much? We’ve all seen the normally reclusive creatures starring in beef jerky commercials what is it about smoked meat that has led you to endorse this product and make rare appearances?
5.	Abuse Alligations There were rumors of inappropriate touching from Ernie Henderson can you address those rumors?
6.	Hair Care What is your secret to keeping your stylings mane so well groomed in the wilderness? Do you comb, rub on trees, bathe in streams – share your secrets with us.
7.	Relationship to Chewbacca What is your relationship with Chewbacca? How are you related and is it true that you haven’t spoken since not being included in the latest Star Wars films?
8.	Big Wheel Fetish What is with the big wheels? Are you aware of your trucks impact on global warming and how do you address your carbon footprint?
9.	Missing Link Chicken vs Egg – are you the missing link or the result of a wild weekend between an East German shotputter and a circus monkey?
10.	Taste Test Now that a Bigfoot has been killed let’s finally answer the age old question does Sasquatch really taste like chicken?

The creature was found by Matthew Whitton (AKA Gary Parker) and Rick Dyer (residents of Georgia) in the woods in northern Georgia. (The exact location is being kept secret to protect the creatures.)

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer will be flying in from Georgia to be at the press conference. Also present at the press conference will be Tom Biscardi, CEO of Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.

Whitton is a local, Georgia, police officer, who is currently on administrative leave after being wounded in the course of duty pursuing an alleged felon. Dyer is a former correctional officer. Whitton and Dyer are co-owners of bigfoottracker.com and Bigfoot Global LLC., a company that offers Bigfoot expeditions. Whitton and Dyer are working with Bigfoot hunter, Tom Biscardi, and Biscardi’s Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., to present and conduct the scientific study of the evidence and information on this body.

Here are some of the vital statistics on the “Bigfoot” body:

The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
It weighs over five hundred pounds.
The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
It is male.
It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and
five toes on each foot.
The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five
and three-quarters inches wide at
the heel.
From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its
hands are eleven and three-quarters inches
long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the
same day that the body was found.)
The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo
evidence will be presented at the press
conference on Friday, August 15th.

You can read more about the earth-shattering discovery of Bigfoot at searchingforbigfoot.com.

Time will tell if the discovery is real. According to LiveScience.com, on Aug. 19, 2005, Biscardi appeared on the radio show “Coast to Coast with George Noory,” claiming his group had captured a Bigfoot a week earlier, a male beast that weighed over 400 pounds and stood eight feet tall.

American Wilderness Experience: The world’s first and last zoo in a mall

Jerome — Fri, 23 May 2008 05:35:21 +0000

The American Wilderness Experience was located in Ontario California and featured 70 species of live animals, together with a simulator ride and video and interactive nature displays. Billed as “edutainment,” the fun and games lead into a store peddling environmental knickknacks and a restaurant called the Wilderness Grill.

The only completed American WIlderness experience was located in the Ontario Mills Mall, located 40 miles east of Los Angeles. The mall covers two million square feet, has 10,000 parking spaces and features 54 theater screens, and a Dave and Busters (that closed within the last year). The mall was so big they divided it into march 10 color-coordinated “neighborhoods”–themed retail zones catering to tastes ranging from upscale dresses to sporting and adolescent attire.

“If we capture just 3% of the [20 million] people passing through the mall, we’ll be doing great,” says Ogden Entertainment senior vice president Jonathan Stern, who helped develop Grizzly Park, a 90-acre complex near Yellowstone National Park.

The attractions were planned in 1996 By Ogden Entertainment who planned to invest $100 million to create eight different American Wilderness Experiences throughout the united states. Among the 160 wild animals were snakes, roadrunners, bats, sea otters, porcupines, bobcats, scorpions, jellyfish and giant yellow banana slug. The animals were housed in a 35,00 square foot mall zoo, the first and last of it’s kind.

To enhance the experience, artificial trees and plants were added as well as hidden canisters that emitted natural fragrances. After a brief tour, customers are returned to their natural habitat, the mall, where they can shop at the Naturally Untamed Boutique or eat in the Wilderness Grill. The experience, says Ogden V-P Jonathan Stern, is ideal for “people who prefer nature in small doses.” (Isn’t that the best way?) Stern adds that people are so accustomed to hurrying today, the average visit to the Grand Canyon is only 22 minutes long, coincidentally the same length as the average TV show minus commercials.

During AWE’s conceptual pre-planning stage the company settled on the exhibition of animals from five of California’s natural ecosystems — the Redwood Forest, Mojave Desert, High Sierras, Pacific Shore and Yosemite Valley. He also reports that the company has set AWE’s animal acquisition and holding criteria based on the American Zoological Association’s guidelines for humane treatment and holding of animals.

The retail store, called Naturally Untamed, featured items such as nature books, videos, CD-ROMs and interactive games, as well as plush toys and clothing. AWE’s restaurant, The Wilderness Grill, has a rustic, lodge-like design and features moderately priced restaurant fare. The Wilderness restaurant offered a full-fare menu and comfortable character drinking bar. The Wilderness shop sold outdoor apparel, nature books, and specialty environment-related items.

The smaller retail and restaurant concept will encompassed approximately 15,000 sq. ft. The company had even planned a larger rollout to do a stand-alone, retail and restaurant spin-off of the [AWE] brand that’s within some proximity of a full-blown AWE sites.

The fun began with a motion simulator ride, transporting the guest on an environmental journey culminating at the entrance to California’s Redwood Forest. Authentic settings—combined with live insects, reptiles, mammals, birds, and fish—provide a real life adventure.

The Wild Ride Theater, which treated visitors to an 8-minute motion simulator ride. The Forces of Nature exhibit introduces visitors to the destructive force of volcanoes, glaciers, earthquakes and hurricanes; and the Dangerous Creatures and Sudden Attack exhibits showcased some of nature’s most feared, predatory animals. Following the movie visitors were guided through the exhibits by tour guides dressed as park rangers.

AWE also offered special entertainment packages in connection with the Ogden-managed UltraScreen Theater, located next door. Patrons can see a double feature at the big-screen theater and visit AWE for $16.50 for adults, $15.50 for seniors and $13 for children They had expected to draw 500,000 during its first full year of operation, during the 1998 that the mall is projected 17 million. Attendance on weekdays is expected to be bolstered by school groups receiving a special package rates. AWE had expected to draw heavily on neighboring schools.

Within a year of opening the American Wilderness Zoo & Aquarium had dropped its admission prices and contemplated convert about two-thirds of its retail shop into a banquet facility in an effort to generate more traffic.

The $18 million indoor zoo, restaurant and retail venue at Ontario Mills performed below expectations from it’s opening in the fall of 1997.

Prices dropped to $6.95 and $4.95 for Adults and children aged 3-11 respectively, compared with previous prices of $9.95 and $7.95 by November of 1999.

Seven additional locations were in development stages, each carrying a price tag of between $7 million and $10 million. Additionally, Ogden had committed more than $50 million to roll the project out nationally. Billy Warr, AWE’s vice president of operations, told All Business.com that centers for AWE locations at Mills mall facilities in Tempe, Ariz., and Grapevine, Texas were planned to pen in within two weeks of each other before the end of the 1997. Other planned AWE locations included Gurnee Mills near Chicago (expected to open in November 1998); Sawgrass Mills outside Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.; and Opry Mills, Nashville (2000).The other locations were never publicly disclosed, and construction was halted on the Texas and Arizona locations and never completed.

By march of 1999 the 2 billion dollar Ogden Corp. planned to split into two publicly traded companies. A separate entertainment and aviation company were planned. The entertainment group has interests in themed and location-based attractions, waterparks, food and beverage concessions, venue management, large format films and theaters, concert promotions, artist management and recordings. The aviation group provides ground and cargo handling, passenger services, fueling, and airport infrastructure development and management. The energy group develops, owns and operates independent power facilities and provides related infrastructure services.

By May of 2000 mall officials announced that American Wilderness Zoo & Aquarium and its affiliated restaurant, the Wilderness Grill, would soon be shuttered.

The unique destination promised an ‘immersive zoo adventure’, restaurant, and retail store. Company officials claimed that labor costs were thirty percent higher than were acceptable. The world’s first zoo mall closed in less than four years a shorter life span than most of the animals that it housed.

The entrance to the world’s first mall zoo.

Mountain painting were done by Shapiro Art Studios

The backgrounds of all of the exhibits had paintings representing the region the animals were native to.

TIME Article

SIERRA Magazine Review

I actually visited the mall zoo in 1999 on a trip to see relatives in Palm Springs, and it was pretty strange seeing a zoo in the middle of the mall. Most of the exhibits seemed small, and some of the backgrounds made things look a little cheesy. The entrance was impressive and parts of it were really impressive to look at. After walking through the zoo my brother and I ate in the restaurant for about 45 bucks. The food was overpriced, but decent and the salad was pretty good.