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If you want to look like someone who either spent a long time in jail or should have this is the look for you. It’s not fair, but most juries will convict you simply because they are scared you might kill them in their sleep if they let you off.

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When bad taste meets unusual shapes on your body this look is for you. You can make your wholes and crevices into giant 3D practical jokes on your body.

Retard Factor:

The frightener is for someone who wants to scare small children and never wants to make it past a first job interview. If you want halloween to last every day of the year in possibly carcinogenic permanent ink this is the look for you.

Retard Factor:

Surprisingly, most spelling bee champions and English majors in college shy away from careers as tattoo artists. Some tips to avoid this permanent spelling mistake:

• Give artist a quick spelling test.
• Try writing the text on your head in marker to help out.
• Avoid the cheapest tattoo artist – you get what you pay for.

  Retard Factor:
  

Retard Factor:

The billboard is like the fence in downtown with hundreds of posters on it. If you want your body to look like an old lady’s eclectic novelty crap collection this is the look for you. Rather than getting one nice one get lots of bad cheap ones and try to overcompensate for quality with quantity.

Retard Factor:

Retard Factor:

People is one one of the hardest things to draw, and the free market isn’t enough to stop everyone who sucks from attempting portrait tattoos. Lawsuits and federally licensed drawing tests could help thin the untalented herd.

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Abraham Lincoln (1861 – 1865)

Abraham Lincoln owned at least 2 Dogs called Fido and Jip. Fido, suffered a violent death much like his master. Fido was knifed to death in the street by a drunk who became angry when the Dog jumped on him with muddy paws.

Warren Harding (1865-1923)

White House kennel master Wilson Jackson introduces Laddie Boy to Oh Boy, an English bulldog. Oh Boy was given as a gift to Florence Harding after she moved into the White House. But the dog was in poor health; despite being treated by a local veterinarian for several weeks, Oh Boy later died.

Lyndon B Johnson (1963 – 1969)

Him was Johnson’s favorite Dog, the Beagle called Him. He died in 1966, when he was struck by a car while chasing a squirrel on the White House lawn. One photograph of Him resulted in a scandal among protesting animal lovers when President Johnson picked up Him by the ears.

Lyndon B Johnson (1963 – 1969)

The other unfortunate beagle of president Johnson, Her swallowed a stone and died in 1964.

Bill Clinton (1993-2001)

Socks was an adopted male cat who was given away when the Clintons left the White House in 2001. The Clintons took Buddy to their new home, but left Socks under the care of Bill Clinton’s secretary, Betty Currie. In December 2008, Socks was reported to be in failing health, apparently suffering from cancer. Socks was euthanized on February 20, 2009, in Hollywood, Maryland,after suffering cancer of the jaw. It was also estimated that Socks would have turned 20 in spring 2009, placing his birthdate in spring of 1989 rather than 1990.

Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)

He actually had a Dog hanged once for attacking his sheep. As president, Jefferson was the originator of the dog license after people complained of renegade hounds destroying livestock.

Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)

Jefferson also was the recipient of a rather large and generous crate from the explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark. Inside it were two grizzly bear cubs. President Jefferson took the cubs for walks around the garden. The animal-loving president also built the cubs a cage on the South Lawn where they could be displayed and admired by the public. Later, when the bears grew too big, they were donated to Charles Wilson Peale’s museum in Baltimore.

Bill Clinton (1993-2001)

Buddy (1997 – January 2, 2002), a male chocolate-colored Labrador Retriever, was one of two pets owned by Bill Clinton. Buddy, however, suffered the same fate as Clinton’s previous dog, a cocker spaniel named Zeke, when he was killed by a car while running loose near the Clinton home in Chappaqua, New York, on January 2, 2002.

Carter did not own a dog when he moved into the White House, but soon after, his daughter Amy was given a mutt from her schoolteacher. Black and white Grits was a wild one from the start leaving little messes all over the White House, but after he tried to bite a veterinarian during a televised event, Amy had to give him back to her teacher.

Teddy Roosevelt (1901-1909)

Roosevelt had more dogs running around the White House grounds then people could keep track of, but there are two who stand apart from the pack. Pete was a mischievous bull terrier who got into a lot of trouble. He snapped at Cabinet officers, nipped the leg of a naval officer and was finally sent to the family home in Sagamore Hill in New York after he ripped the pants of French ambassador Jules Jusserand after chasing him through the white house.

Aokigahara

LOCATION: Mount Fuji, Japan

BODY COUNT: Countless
(approx. 70 per year)

DESCRIPTION: Aokigahara also known as the Sea of Trees is a forest that lies at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan. The caverns found in this forest are rocky and ice-covered, even during summertime. It is an old forest reportedly haunted by many legends of monsters, ghosts, and goblins, which add to its sinister reputation.

RETARD TRIVIA: The bodies are brought down to the station, where a spare room is kept especially for such occasions. In this room are two beds: one for the corpse and one for someone to sleep next to the body for the first night. There is an annual search, consisting of a small army of police, volunteers and attendant journalists, began in 1970.

Golden Gate Bridge

LOCATION: San Francisco, California

BODY COUNT: Over 1,500
(approx. 30 per year)

DESCRIPTION: The Golden Gate Bridge had the longest suspension bridge span in the world when it was completed in 1937 and has become an internationally recognized symbol of San Francisco and California. As part of both U.S. Route 101 and State Route 1, it connects the city of San Francisco on the northern tip of the San Francisco Peninsula to Marin County.

RETARD TRIVIA: What makes the Golden Gate Bridge the top suicide bridge in the world is that it provides literally no barriers to suicidal impulses. The bridge also has, as Friend puts it, a "fatal grandeur" to it that attracts emotionally distraught people who seek out what they conceive of as a beautiful and even romantic death.

Niagara Falls

LOCATION: Ontario Canada / New York border

BODY COUNT: 2,780 known

(approx. 23 per year)

DESCRIPTION: Niagara Falls are massive waterfalls on the Niagara River, straddling the international border separating the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S. state of New York. The massive 100 foot falls have over 3,600 feet of falls in two sections.

RETARD TRIVIA: The ladies love the Niagara Falls: 59 percent of the jumpers are male and 41 percent female, which is highly unusual, in that female suicides account for just 24 percent of the nationwide total.

Beachy Head

LOCATION: East Sussex, England, United Kingdom
BODY COUNT: About 500 suicides
(approx. 20 per year)

DESCRIPTION: Beachy Head is a chalk headland on the south coast of England, close to the town of Eastbourne in the county of East Sussex. The cliff there is the highest chalk sea cliff in Britain, rising to 162 m (530 ft) above sea level.

RETARD TRIVIA: A British Coastguard crew got the scare of a lifetime Monday when they were attempting to rescue a man who had reportedly jumped from an East Sussex “suicide spot” and narrowly missed being crushed by a car as it drove off the same 500 foot cliff and crashed on the rocks below only a few yards away.

Clifton Bridge

LOCATION: River Avon, Bristol UK

BODY COUNT: 1,000+
(approx. 4 a year after new barriers added)

DESCRIPTION: The Clifton Suspension Bridge is a suspension bridge built in 1864, spanning the Avon Gorge and linking Clifton in Bristol to Leigh Woods in North Somerset, England.

RETARD TRIVIA: In 1885, a 22-year-old woman named Sarah Ann Henley survived a fall from the bridge when her billowing skirts acted as a parachute, and subsequently lived into her eighties

Prince Edward Viaduct

LOCATION: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

BODY COUNT: over 400 suicides
but none since Luminous Veil suicide barrier in 2003

DESCRIPTION: The Prince Edward Viaduct System is the name of a bridge system in Toronto, Ontario, Canada that connects Bloor Street East, on the west side of the system, with Danforth Avenue on the east.

RETARD TRIVIA:With over 400 suicides, the Viaduct ranked as the second most fatal standing structure in the world, after the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. A 1997 report from the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario cited the average of “one person jumping from the bridge every 22 days”. After years of controversy, the bridge’s reputation as a “suicide magnet” eventually led to the construction of a suicide barrier called the Luminous Veil. The bridge has had zero suicides since the construction of this suicide barrier.

Coronado Bridge

LOCATION: San Diego, California

BODY COUNT: more than 200 suicides

DESCRIPTION: The San Diego-Coronado Bridge, locally referred to as the Coronado Bridge, is a "prestressed concrete/steel" girder bridge, crossing over San Diego Bay in the United States, linking San Diego, California with Coronado, California. The bridge is signed as part of State Route 75.

RETARD TRIVIA: It is the third deadliest suicide bridge in the USA, between 1972 and 2000, more than 200 suicides occurred on the bridge

Eiffel Tower

LOCATION: Paris, France

BODY COUNT: 350-400 suicides

DESCRIPTION:Named after its designer, engineer Gustave Eiffel, the 325 meter Eiffel Tower is the tallest building in Paris and was completed in 1889. More than two hundred million have visited the tower since its construction making it the most visited paid monument in the world. When the tower was completed in 1889 it was the world’s tallest tower — a title it retained until 1930.

RETARD TRIVIA: The first suicide, a man hanged himself from one of the beams. In 90 years, there have been, according to the Police Préfecture or the media, 369 suicide attempts, of which two survived the 57 metre drop from the first floor, one being blown onto a rafter by the wind and the other landing on the roof of a car. The later was a young woman who after recovering, married the owner of the car.

Aurora Bridge

LOCATION: Seattle, Washington

BODY COUNT: Over 230 suicides

DESCRIPTION: The bridge was opened to traffic on February 27, 1932. It was accepted to the National Register of Historic Places in 1982. The bridge is a popular location for suicide jumpers and numerous reports have used the bridge as a case study in fields ranging from suicide prevention to the effects of prehospital care on trauma victims.

RETARD TRIVIA: The first suicide occurred in January 1932, when a shoe salesman leapt from the bridge before it was completed.

Jacques Cartier Bridge

LOCATION: Montreal, Quebec, Canada

BODY COUNT: Over 143 suicides

DESCRIPTION: The Jacques Cartier Bridge bridge crosses the Saint Lawrence River from Montreal Island, Montreal, Quebec to the south shore at Longueuil, Quebec, Canada. The bridge was opened in 1930 and approximately 35.4 million vehicle crossings annually making it the second busiest bridge in Canada,

RETARD TRIVIA: In 2004, a suicide prevention barrier was installed. Until then the bridge saw an average of 10 suicides a year.

King Tut

Sure, he may have been an absolute ruler in life for 19 years and considered by many to be a deity but in life this guy has popularity in the mickey mouse range. He’s been a top tourist attraction for hundreds of years — now that’s an afterlife.

Vladimir Lenin

The pied piper of communism Vladimir is considered by many to be the father of Russian communism which is famous for casing the deaths of twenty million. In life he only stood for 53 years, but he’s been on public display (minus a few war years) since 1924. Newlyweds frequently visit the communist icon, apparently looking to get a leg up on a frigid marriage.

Pope Formosus

In 897, Pope Stephen VI accused former Pope Formosus of perjury and violation of church canon. The problem was that Pope Formosus had died nine months earlier. Stephen worked around this little detail by exhuming the dead pope’s body, dressing it in full papal regalia, and putting it on trial. He then proceeded to serve as chief prosecutor as he angrily cross-examined the corpse. The spectacle was about as ludicrous as you’d imagine.In fact, Pope Stephen appeared so thoroughly insane that a group of concerned citizens launched a successful assassination plot against him. Now that counts as a two for one special.

Chinese ‘Volunteers’

The dead “Bodies … the Exhibition" as it turns out may have ‘volunteered’ to be mummies. The New York museum displaying them was made to display on its Web site and with a sign at the entrance, a statement explaining that it is not able to confirm that the bodies being displayed were not Chinese prisoners who may have been victims of torture and execution. I guess that explains the surprised look on their faces.

Ötzi the Iceman

The man from about 3300 BC (53 centuries ago),in the Schnalstal glacier found between Austria and Italy. He is Europe’s oldest natural human mummy, and was found by two German tourists in 1991. The body was so well preserved that scientists actually were able to perform an autopsy and identify his last meals (which included meat and possibly bread). 5’4 Otzi also had some tattoos. Otzi was apparently killed by an arrow to the shoulder and was evidence of world’s first crime scene.

Good Pope John

Known affectionately as "Good Pope John" and "the most loved Pope in history" to many people, on September 3, 2000, John was declared "Blessed" by Pope John Paul II, the penultimate step on the road to sainthood. Following his beatification, his body was moved from its original burial place in the grottoes below St Peter’s Basilica to the Altar of St. Jerome and displayed for the veneration of the faithful.
At the time, the body was observed to be extremely well-preserved—a condition which the Church ascribes to the lack of air flow in his sealed triple coffin rather than to any miraculous event (although it was certainly seen as such by many of the faithful)

Tollund Man

The Tollund Man is the naturally mummified corpse of a man who lived during the 4th century BC. He was found in 1950 buried in a peat bog in Denmark, and was mistaken for a recently deceased murder victim. The stomach and intestines were examined and tests carried out on their contents The barley that was found in his stomach was found to contain large amounts of ergot fungus found on rotted rye. Ergot is an hallucinogenic substance, so it’s possible it was a suicide, or he went crazy and was misdiagnosed as a witch.

Elmer McCurdy

The mummified body of Elmer McCurdy was found in the darkened fun house at the Nu-Pike Amusement Park in Long Beach, California, on December 7, 1976. Ready to film an episode of The Six Million Dollar Man, the director wasn’t happy with a dummy hanging from a rope in one part of the fun house, so he asked a crew member to move it. When the man grabbed the dummy, its arm came off exposing the arm bone of a real mummy.
The body was real and it belonged to Elmer McCurdy, an outlaw shot in a shootout in 1911.

Juanita / The Ice Maiden

Juanita (also known as "The Ice Maiden") was discovered on the top of Mount Ampato near Arequipa, Peru, on September 8, 1995 by Johan Reinhard and his assistant, Miguel Zarate. She was 12 to 14 years old when she was sacrificed and is believed to have died about 500 years ago. Now the descendants of the Incas value children as what is referred to as "anchors" in the United States.

Pompeii Mummies

On the morning of August 27, AD 79, a small cloud emanating from Mount Vesuvius formed over the Roman town of Pompeii. The residents weren’t’t worried until the cloud began to release ash and stones. Super-hot, super-fast gases roared down the mountainside. They did not reach Pompeii itself, but by 7:30 in the morning, it was over. Everyone who had not already escaped was killed, buried in various kinds of material from the volcano. Pompeii which was an ancient version of Club Med turned into a city of mummies.