Retard Zone » Financial

Techno Intelligence charging Mac users $200 tax

Jerome — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:55:09 +0000

My friend’s sister needed a new laptop and was pricing out a Sony she saw at Costco for $1,199 and I went to Amazon to check it out. Not only was it double the price but was showing different prices on different computers out of some horrible attempt at computer racism or charging a stupid tax on Mac owners. (more on Macs because Mac people can afford it or are just used to paying more for computers).

Pricing for Windows Users:

Pricing for Mac Users:

See your own pricing at TechnoIntelligence

Processor & Memory:

Intel® Core™ 2 Duo Processor T9400 (2.53 GHz)
1066MHz Front Side Bus
6MB L2 Cache
4GB DDR2 (both slots occupied, shared)

Drives:

320GB (7200RPM) SATA hard drive
Blu-ray support drive

Graphics & Video:

18.4″ XBRITE-FullHD LCD (1920 x 1080)
NVIDIA GeForce 9600M GT GPU Graphics

Communications:

Ethernet Protocol: 10Base-T/100Base-TX/1000Base-T
Intel WiFi link 5100AGN (802.11a/b/g/n)
Bluetooth®
Modem: V.92/v.90

Audio:

Intel High Definition Audio with Dolby Digital Live

Expansion Slots:

1x SD card slot
1x Memory Stick Pro card slot
1x ExpressCard / 34 slot

Ports:

3x USB 2.0 Port
1x DC In Port
1x Ethernet Port
1x Modem Port
1x VGA Output
1x HDMI Output
1x i.LINK Port
1x Microphone Input
1x Headphone Output
1x S/PDIF Output

Operating System:

Microsoft Windows® Vista Home Premium (64-bit)

Additional Information:

Dimensions: 17.2″ W x 11.4″ D x 1.45″~1.56″ H
Weight (approximate): 8.2 lbs

Call if racism, call it cleverly audience focused pricing, but the computer is still have that much at Costco, so I’d skip buying it at Techno Intelligence if you had any.

Costco: $1,199 (for Mac & PC users of any race, religion or sexual orientation)

Tiger Wood’s new job

Jerome — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:51:29 +0000

Tiger Woods has recently found himself semi-unemployed, and with inflation looming he’ll need to find himself another job soon if he wants to maintain the lifestyle he’s accustomed to. Here are six recession proof industries that can afford to employ Tiger through these difficult times.

The US Army

Tiger’s dad was in the Army so it’s this one’s a natural. The Army is always hiring and with two wars with no end in site they’ll need all the good publicity they can grab on to. What’s a better sell to 18 year old males than a millionaire with a supermodel.

Plus if the Army ends it’s don’t ask don’t tell policy he’s a hunky beefcake that show just how sexy men in uniform look.

Nursing

Nurses can make over a hundred thousand dollars a year and with the greatest generation in diapers someone needs to clean up after them.

This is your chance to make near doctor money without having to get into medical school and act like you know more than doctors. Plus since the 1980s cute nurses are no longer in vogue and even ugly chicks can apply.

The Government

The government is always hiring, and if they run short on money they can raise taxes or just print more money. Plus 2008 has taught us the public will elect an inexperienced black candidate offering nothing more than hope over any number of experienced white candidates.

The Police

Law enforcment is the fastest growing public sector job and security jobs are the fastest in the private sector. WIth the economy worsening more people will turn to crime and we’ll need an army of cops to chase them down.

If Tiger can make golf cool he can make donuts and guns downright rivetting.

Teaching

Tiger is smart and he went to Stanford for two years before dominating the world of golf so he’s seen a classroom.

Teachers have the budget to pull this off with an average salary of $60,000 a year in California. Teaching isn’t the oldest profession in the world but it’s aging and with a generation of teachers ready to retire Tiger could help recruit the next one.

Collection Agencies

With millions of people defaulting on student loans, credit cards and home mortgages someone has to make those harassing phone calls asking for money. We’ll need an army of phone operators pressuring people to pay their bills if we’re going to save our financial institutions in between government bailouts. Tiger’s bright smile can put a fresh face behind those cubicled heroes dialing for dollars.

Retard’s guide to dealing with collection agencies

Jerome — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 01:21:02 +0000

Are you in debt, are you receiving harassing phone calls at work and getting bills saying you owe someone money? If so you need to read the retard’s guide to collection agencies…

Get it in Writing
	Don’t assume it’s really your debt frequently debt collection agencies look for names in the phone book. Make sure that it really is your debt and they can prove it before doing anything else, this reduces the chances of fraud. The best part is that it really annoys them, even if you know that it’s yours it will buy you time.	1

Be Careful on the Phone
	By law debt collection companies cannot discuss your debt with roommates and frequently with spouses. Try answering the phone in a made up voice, have fun this is your telephone you have your crank call people calling you. By admitting to a debt on the phone that can be used against you in court so say as little as possible.	2

They Prey on the Stupid
	Collection agencies typically have a high turnover of commission hungry males who will resort to pretty much anything. There are honest collectors but they are few and far between. "You don’t threaten the smart ones. You pick and choose your victims for lack of a better term," says Michael Flannagan, a former debt collection supervisor in Tacoma, Wash. "We rely on the ignorance of the debtor."	3

Beware of Quick Fixes
	In most cases even by paying a collection debt it stays on your credit report, although marked as paid. There is a cottage industry of scam businesses that offer to get you into out of debt. If you are in debt it’s serious and they frequently won’t settle for less than 100%.	4

Know Your Rights

The Federal Trade Commission gets more consumer complaints about debt collectors than about any other industry. Americans report being harassed, threatened, even coerced into paying debts that aren’t their own. You do have rights within the fair debt collections act including:

You cannot be jailed for debts
They cannot get you fired from work
They may not threaten you
Use deception
Be phoned before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m.

Legal to Tape Calls in Most States
	If there is a lawsuit or complaint filed having a recording can be crucial. Here is a list of states where you can secretly record your phone calls. Remember be nice, don’t give up any information (they aren’t the police and you don’t have to answer anything) and keep asking for things in writing – they’ll get mad and if nothing else you can post on YouTube	6

Check the Expiration Date
	If a debt is older than seven years you don’t have to pay it but collectors can still call and ask you to. This expired debt is called zombie debt and collectors actually pay for one cent on the dollar. Collectors will call and make it sound like you need to pay this just like it’s a valid debt. Be careful though debts can be re filed, and just because it’s older than seven years does not always mean that it’s expired. If you have a ton of debt you might want to consider that seven year vacation in Paraguay though…	7

Ignoring Won’t Make Debt go Away
	You can ignore them but if they file in court and you don’t show up they will win all the time. This is serious and most tactics will only delay the inevitable. If the debt still belongs to the original creditor, a third-party collection agency cannot file a lawsuit. But if the balance is large, the debtor is being resistant, and if there are indications that the debtor has vulnerable assets, the agency may send the account back to the creditor with a recommendation to sue. Each creditor has its own criteria for the decision; for example, the amount must be substantial (often $1500 or more, at the very least.)	8

You Can Make Them Stop Calling You
	Like most relationships the collector will stop calling you if you write a breakup letter to them. It’s actually one of your rights under the Fair Collection Act. Bud Hibbs has a cease communications letter that is will stop the phone calls. The debt won’t go away but the phone calls legally have to stop.	9

When to Get a Lawyer
	If your collector has violated your rights you should contact your state Attorney General’s office and the FTC 1-877-FTC-HELP. You have the right to sue them within one year of the violation – those recordings could make you cash. If they sue you representing yourself is OK depending on how much money you have to lose.	10

There are plenty of horrible Collection Agencies out there, but there are good ones too. A Collection Agency is out there to make money off debt that is normally 6 months overdue from a company so agreeing to payments is better if you can afford to because collection agencies are less likely to.

Or you can always resort to these un recommended, stupid and totally illegal debt escape plans:

Flee the country: Countries like Paraguay will only extradite criminals wanted for murder, and the weather is fabulous.
Go off the grid: Some might call it homeless but think of yourself as David Carradine from Kung Fu wandering America righting wrongs or at least waiting for debts to expire.
Make a new identity: Nearly a million illegal aliens make up fake identities, simply follow the illegal herd to debt freedom.
Lottery Hail Mary: Cash in every cent you have, your car and eBay every belonging for one last shot at the lottery or any good betting vibe you have. You might win and have a fortune and worst case you have nothing to go after and have become judgment proof!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
RetardZone is an insolvent company with no assets, legal competition or even a high school diploma within it’s ranks so under no circumstances should anyone read, believe of follow anything written within this page or web site in general

10 tips to avoid getting laid off and win Office Survivor

Jerome — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:53:20 +0000

This new recession is brutal and it’s time to start playing hardball to keep your job. Think about that TV Show Survivor and remember if you get mugged on a date you only have to run faster than your girl. Follow our survival tips and find out how you can keep your job and maybe even your home.

Fake a Disability
	Wheelchairs are cheap, they just leave them lying around at airports and supermarkets even have electric ones. The Americans with Disabilities Act makes firing anyone of these slow moving workers a lawsuit so legal will just move along to the next able bodied employee to layoff. WORST CASE: Unemployment lasts less than a year, but disability benifits last a lifetime.	1

Mention Large Gun Collection
	Casually mention your large collection of firearms and how you go shooting every weekend. Managers will layoff the unarmed employees before you, their own desire for self preservation will keep you on the payroll. WORST CASE: People will start being nicer to you at work.	2

Buy a Fake Diploma

A graduate degree will put you a cut above your co-workers and hanging a paid for graduate degree on your cubicle could keep you on through the recession.

WORST CASE: You’ve just padded your resume once you do get laid off.

Come Out of the Closet

Gay is the new black, and legal will get worried about firing someone just after coming out of the closet.

WORST CASE: Chicks dig hanging around gay guys, and you will get to hang out with them at lunch – they might even try to convert you!

Start Kissing Up

Start sucking up without making it obvious you are doing so. Try being that friendly employee who is easy to work with until things get better.

WORST CASE: Hanging around your bosses you might get some good blackmail material.

Look Busy

Always make it look like you are getting things done even if it’s just paper shuffling. Start taking credit for things even if you had little or nothing to do with it.

WORST CASE: You will probably get a better letter of recommendation for all of your hard work.

Surf P0rn on Co-Workers Computers
	Surfing adult sites at work is a major infraction and will get people to the front of the layoff line. Why not sacrifice your co-worker – when they go on break start looking for 2 girls and a cup on their computer. WORST CASE: You will see some adult content before you get home.	7

Learn Co-Workers Jobs
	It’s survival of the fittest and if you can do the job of two workers you’re the one they’ll keep on. Find someone with the easiest job and learn their shortcuts. WORST CASE: You can pad your resume with another skillset.	8

Sabotage Co-Workers Cars

An occasional trip through the parking lot with nails and water for gas tanks can make you shine for being on time with all of your co-workers showing up late.

WORST CASE: America is a consumer based economy and those extra tires and car repairs will you do your part to end the recession.

Fake Having a Kid

Every moron in the world has pictures of their kid online so start printing out a few. Take a few days off and work on your resume. Human resources will be less likely to lay off the guy who just had a baby.

WORST CASE: You’ll get some paid time off from work and probably some kids crap as gifts you can eBay for extra cash.

Recession survival guide for retards

Jerome — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:07:58 +0000

With the recession certain consumer items will be too expensive and others will prove to be relatively recession-proof. Look at our handy guide and find out how you can save thousands of dollars and lower your carbon footprint at the same time!

Tobacco Products

Candy

Carton of 200 Cigarettes

$59.99

2 Pound Bag of Candy

$2.99

$57.00

With taxes on cigarettes andincreased insurance premiums for smokers candy can save you thousands of dollars. Sure obesity and lung cancer both will probalby lead to early deaths, but think of all the cash you will have saved.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Theater Movies

Netflix

2 Movie tickets, Popcorn & Soda

$34.99

Netflix Movie Rental

$4.99

$30.00

The avarage movie ticket now costs over $10 nationally, you can get a monthly subscription to Netflix for costs less than that (depending on how many movies you have out at at time.)

Carbon Offset:

Restaurants

Pasta & Pasta Sauce

Dinner for Two

$34.00

Dry Pasta & Pasta Sauce

$7.00

$27.00

It all depends on where you eat out, but eating in can save thousands a year. You can even microwave leftovers for lunch.

Carbon Offset:

Department Stores

Walmart

Outfit at Department Store

$79.99

Cheaper outfit at Walmart

$34.99

$1,250*

* Walmart advertises that you can save $2,500 a year and $700 in groceries alone. Actual mileage may vary, but based on the trail of bankrupt competitors and vendors Walmart will save you some cash. We guesstimated an annual savings of $1,250 if you do all your shopping at Walmart.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Plastic Surgery

Cosmetics

Average Nose Job (Rhinoplasty)

$3,250

Makeup Items

$54

$3,195

Cosmetics are considered recession proof items, and for a fraction of the cost they can obscure your unseemly beast like nose long enough to save up for a corrective surgery.

Carbon Offset:
NA

Recycled Products

Cheapest Available

Box of 100% Recycled Paper

$51.99

Box of Standard Copy Paper

$35.99

$16

You can save 25% or more by ingoring the environment and ignoring recycled products. The planet is doomed so why pay extra for it.

Carbon Offset:
NEGATIVE

Travel Holidays

Vacation at Home

Week in Hawaii

$4,000

Week at Home

FREE

$4,000

Sure you won’t have the memories, but you will need that $4,000 for your retirement once social security goes bankrupt in less than 15 years.

Carbon Offset:

Premium Drinks

Generic Beer

Bottle of Dom Perignon

$98

24 Pack of Beer

$14

$84

Beer is cheap and will make you forget how broke you are. On the plus side it’s got enough nutritional value you can skip on food too for even more savings!

Carbon Offset:
NA

Carbonated Drinks

Tap Water

24 Pack of Coca Cola

5 Gallons of Tap Water

$.05

$6.95

Carbonated drinks are in the top 5 consumer items vulnerable to recession. Besides the calories might make up for some of that candy you’ve been shoveling down since you gave up smoking.

Carbon Offset:

Casinos

Video Games

Weekend in Vegas

$500

New Video Game

$59

$441

Video games are relatively cheap and can take weeks to solve. Plus a game console can probably play those Blu-Ray DVDs you’ll be renting on Netflix.

Carbon Offset:

Gym Memberships

Watching Television

Annual Gym Membership

$499

Watching TV

FREE

$499

Going to the gym may be better for you over the long term, but watching television is free and requires less effort. Just think of all those trips to the gym you are saving, take a walk instead.

Carbon Offset:

Research from Nielsen’s

Citi credit card fraud spam costs me $7,681.93

Jerome — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:20:32 +0000

Last week my life was literally ruined when I received an email from what I thought was citi fraud protection. The very official looking email looked like the real thing to me and upon getting I rushed to unlock my account. Fortunately I documented everything and hopefully others can learn from my $7,681.93 mistake.

Here is the email I received:

Unlocking my account:

My credit card statement:

My poor compromised credit card:

Apparently the practice is referred to as “phishing” and involves people faking their return address in a way that can fool even the most practiced web experts.

How to avoid this insidious trap…

A number of fraudulent email messages that claim to be from Citi Cards, Citibank, or Citigroup have been forwarded to us by our cardmembers. These schemes change frequently and often have links or attachments with links. Users who click on the links are taken to look-alike or “spoofed” sites where they are asked to enter personal data.

Examples of Phishing Emails:

Your Citibank account was temporarily suspended
Protect Your Citibank Account
Citibank for Your Information
Citi Identity Theft Solutions

Check Emails for Security

The best way to verify a Citi email is to look for the Email Security Zone header at the top of the email. Every Citi Cards email includes your first name, last name, and the last 4 digits of your card number.

Please note that Citi will never ask you for your PIN number, and will never include your full account number in an email–only the last four digits. If you receive an email claiming to be from Citi that includes your full account number, do not respond to it. Instead, forward it to spoof@citicorp.com.

Report Email Fraud

If you suspect that an email appearing to be from Citi is fraudulent, forward it immediately to spoof@citicorp.com. An Internet Security Specialist will investigate. If you have replied to an email with personal information, and now think the email was fraudulent, call us at the toll-free number on the back of your card. Citi will issue a replacement.

The Best Buy in Florida took this picture of "not" me purchasing $2,759.52 for a new plasma TV and Blu-Ray DVD player. Hope you are enjoying all of your new things Jerome (if that is even your real name.)

Jesus forgives you “Jerome”.

No not that one, Jesús Avular the very curteous and professional man from Citi who helped me when I called.

Retardzone opens storefront location

Jerome — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:48:04 +0000

Other popular websites have translated their virtual success into real life brick and mortar storefronts, and retardzone is no different. We have now launched a physical storefront self contained snack food cash transaction device also known as a vending machine.

The Seaga Elite Series HF3500 retails for around 5,000 dollars so based on an average 40 cents per sale and an average of twenty sales a week the machine should pay for itself in just over a decade.

~~Steal~~ borrow delivery van from work to pickup vending machine, perfect for a kidnapping or a large purchase.

The radio was showing Error 31, and only playing spanish music will Google error message later.

118 miles later and 250 dollars in gas and we’re there.

2 boxes comprise the Seaga 3500, a refrigerated drink compartment and a snack compartment with cash / coin machine.

Barely squeezed through door, which meant we didn’t have to knock any walls down, or bother opening the box before trying to squeeze through door.

The HF3500 in all of it’s shiny grandeur…

Time to load up with ~~nutritious~~ crap that people will actually buy.

We decided on the following pricing structure (with attractive self-made price tags)

Item	Price	Unit Cost	Profit	Profit Margin
Chips	$0.50	$0.22	$0.28	56%
Candy Bars	$0.75	$0.36	$0.39	52%
Corn Nuts	$0.75	$0.45	$0.30	40%
Soda	$0.75	$0.32	$0.43	57%
Premium Candy	$0.85	$0.42	$0.43	51%

Posing with machine.

Everyone loves a sale, will take down sign in two years or whenever sign falls down, whichever comes first.

Seaga Elite HF3500

Mortgage meltdown map

Jerome — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:24:16 +0000

Sure things are bad but how bad are they in your neighborhood? The Federal Reserve has come out with this very cool database complete with dynamic flash mapping so you can track the mortgage meltdown.

National Map – click to track your home values sinking faster than Hillary’s poll numbers.

In Texas my trailer park is losing so much of it’s value that some of the single-wides are going for gas money and that’s before the tornado hits.

Federal Reserve Map

How to blow $30 billion dollars

Jerome — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:03:59 +0000

This billionaire had an estimated fortune of $40 billion, which once placed him at the top of Fortune magazine’s list of the world’s richest people. Recent reports, however, suggest that his treasure has dwindled to a only $10 billion due to his lavish spending and bad land deals. How do you blow $30 billion which is roughly equivalent to the entire annual income of all 125 million people living in Bangladesh?

Hassanal Bolkiah Muizzaddin Waddaulah, Sultan and Prime Minister of Brunei inherited a personal fortune estimated at $40 billion from his father. Here’s how he managed to blow three quarters of the largest fortune in the history of the world.

A large chunk of it went on the Sultan’s palace, monstrosity that boasts 1,788 rooms and is larger than the Vatican-in a tiny country with just 300,000 inhabitants. When the Sultan’s daughter turned 18 he bought her an Airbus. For himself he prefers his own jumbo jet, originally designed to carry over 400 people.

Great skill in extravagance has also been acquired by his brother, Prince Jefri. Having heard of Disneyland, he decided to build the Jerudong Park Playground in the capital, Bandar-Seri Begawan, at a cost of $1 billion.

an astonishing court case this week revealed the extent of the Sultan’s financial excesses.

The 50-page list of payments – which totals 40 billion dollars – also reveals that over four years nearly 8 billion dollars of state funds was paid into his account to bankroll his lifestyle. That’s more than oil-rich Brunei’s entire GDP.

But what a lifestyle. He is believed to own a fleet of 5,000 luxury and sports cars and his own private Boeing 747-400 worth 230 million dollars.

He shares a 1,788-room palace with Queen Pengiran Anak Hajah Saleh, who he married in 1965, and HRH Pengiran Isteri Azrinaz Mazhar, 29, who he married in 2005. The family also has lavish homes in London, Los Angeles, New York and Paris.

Details of the father of eleven’s finances have become public thanks to the most expensive family feud in legal history.

The Sultan, who has ruled as absolute monarch for 40 years, and his brother have been embroiled in a legal battle for 10 years. Lawyers’ bills alone stretch to 200 million dollars.

The Sultan claims his younger brother siphoned off 16 billion dollars during 13 years as finance minister and is now claiming the prince has failed to repay the 6 billion which was agreed in an out-of-court settlement back in 2000.

Here is a list of how the world’s richest man spends his cash

PALACE

The Istana Nurul Iman palace is the largest of the Sultan’s properties which also include a six-star hotel, climate controlled stables for his 200 polo ponies, five aircraft hangars to house his 5,000 cars.

Although the palace is hidden from public view through artful landscaping, satellite views provided by programs such as Google Earth, have increased the public knowledge of the palace’s layout. Such images have relayed the existence of two large buildings in the center of the palace and five smaller buildings either adjacent to or nearby the palace center.

Istana Nurul Iman contains 1,788 rooms, 257 bathrooms, and a floor area of 2,152,782 square feet (200,000 m²). Amenities include 5 swimming pools, and an air conditioned stable for the Sultan’s 200 polo ponies, a 110-car garage, a banquet hall that can be expanded to accommodate up to 4,000 guests, and a mosque accommodating 1,500 people. The palace was built in 1984 at a cost of around $1.4 billion USD and has 564 chandeliers, 51,000 light bulbs, 44 stairwells, and 18 elevators. It is also a home to a car collection that includes custom-made Ferraris and Bentleys as well as 165 Rolls Royces. Its golden domes, designed by Filipino architect Leandro V. Locsin, and vaulted roofs echo Islamic and Malay architectural influences.

Istana Nurul Iman: 2,152,782 square feet
The Royal Palace of Madrid: 1,453,122 square feet [4]
Buckingham Palace: 828,818 square feet (77,000 m²) [5]
The Palace of Versailles: 551,218 square feet (51,210 m²) [6]
Windsor Castle: 484,374 square feet (45,000 m²) [7]
Rashtrapati Bhavan: 200,000 square feet (20,000 m²)
The Biltmore Estate: 175,000 square feet (16,300 m²)
The White House: 55,000 square feet (5,100 m²)

THEME PARK

Jerudong Park is an amusement park in Brunei. It is the largest and most expensive amusement park in South East Asia, built and funded by the rich Bruneian government for $1 billion.

It is notable that during its first few years of operation, Jerudong Park featured no admission fees and free rides, and is currently larger than the current phase 1, Hong Kong Disneyland. The public had only to queue up for rides. However recently, the number of visitors and tourists have dropped significantly and the administration has started a one time BN$15 admission fee, and allride ticketing systems. According to the park’s website, many of its rides are for sale.

As of August 2006, Jerudong Park was largely inactive, derelict, and even tending to ruin in places. The park remained open to visitors, but remains virtually empty probably because the vast majority of the rides, including all the major roller coasters, are closed. The log flume remains open, along with a few smaller fairground attractions, and a single kart is available on the go-kart track. Parts of the park are now unlit, yet remain accessible to visitors, creating a strange ghost-town atmosphere. It seems probable that as more park equipment fails and is not maintained the last few attractions will slowly close.

The Board of Directors of the park promise they will invest in new rides within the next three years, after completely selling the rides.

Here are the rides for sale:
Jerudong Park Yard Sale

WIVES
Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei married former TV3 (Malaysia) newscaster Azrinaz Mazhar Hakim at a private ceremony attended by family members and close friends at the Brunei Palace in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The marriage was a heavily guarded secret and was only leaked very much later to the press by one of the guests.She became the second wife of the king.The first one still remains.

Azrinaz, who is fondly known as Naz, started work as a broadcast journalist with Malaysian television channel TV3 (Malaysia) in 1997. She won TV3’s “Most Promising Journalist” award in 2000 and received the MIIM Alumni Award in 2002.

HOUSEHOLD STAFF

$3.5 million to masseuses, acupuncturists
$28 million on housekeeping and maintaining his homes
$3.2 million to badminton coach
$11 million to each of his five PR officers
$96,000 to guard his exotic birdcages

An unknown fortune is also rumored to have been spent on escorts including playboy bunnies and models who are known to have visited the palaces of the sultan and his brother.

LUXURY CARS

531 Mercedes
367 Ferraris
362 Bentleys
185 BMWs
177 Jaguars
160 Porsches
130 Rolls-Royces
20 Lamborghinis

Here is an unverified full list of his cars, complete with vin numbers.

OTHER TRANSPORT

Two Boeings, including a 747-400 jumbo jet, one Airbus, six smaller planes, two helicopters (ANI)

This Airbus 340 aircraft was “remodeled” in Waco. The sinks are solid gold and one of them is Lalique crystal. The Sultan bought the aircraft for roughly $100M; had it flown to Waco, brand-new, had the interior completely removed; and had the folks at E-Systems (now Raytheon) install $120M worth of improvements inside and outside.

This version of the Airbus A340 was ordered by the Sultan of Brunei requesting for a non-stop range of 8,000 nautical miles (14820 km). This A340-8000 had an increased fuel capacity, a MTOW of 275 tonnes similar to the A340-300, and minor reinforcements to the undercarriage. Upon completion its final range was specified at 8,100 nautical miles (15,000 km). It is powered by the 34,000 lbf (151 kN) thrust CFMI CFM56-5C4s similar to the -300E

1,2,3,4 – I declare a retard war…

Michael — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 01:09:23 +0000

Timothy Sykes is a ‘hedge fund manager’ turned investing guru. When he recently joined the virtual office at dinosaurtrader I checked out the guys site to see who he was, and my B.S. Detector went off the scale. This guy is a piece of work, come read along and learn more about the Bar Mitzvah Fairy Tale that is Timothy Sykes.

Tim has parlayed his claim to have turned 12K from his Bar Mitzvah into millions making thousands of small trades on penny stocks during the dotcom boom into a ‘successful career’ as a trading guru.

A simple google search for Timothy Sykes brought up a review that I just can’t top:

Loser Sykes Luck Runs Out and Self Publishes Book To Make Some Money Off Of Newbies and Suckers…..

Maybe Timothy Sykes will find some type of work which will allow him to succeed; but trading and self-publishing books will not allow him to actually contribute to society, and Sykes admits that he continues to lose OPM.

After reading Sykes book, story can be summarised:

1) Timmy made money trading the NASDAQ bubble(along with everyone else), and he did not demonstrate good money management. Basically, “lucky monkey” effect….

2) Timmy has not made money trading in the last 5 years because his luck ran out, and the bad risk management.

3) Timmy is trying to make money off his ‘99-’02 track record, while lying about his trading failures over the last 5 years.

4) Timmy has averaged less than 1% annual return with his Sykes/Cilantro “hedge fund” since 2003. So, investors would have been better with interest bearing checking account.

5) Timmy lies that “..my Fund bleeding has stopped…”, but actually he lost his investors very large amounts of money throughout 2006-07, including continuous losses every month of Summer 2007. Sykes Fund “Bleeding” has not stopped, but rather continues as Sykes has lost over a third of his investors money since Jan 2006.

Book is not worth $20; and it is not worth reading even if you get it for free….

The more I looked into this guy the more he reminded me of that character on TV who pretends to be a psychic detective but is a total fake…

If that wasn’t funny enough he actually responded with a post of his own within hours:
Timothy Sykes Refutes Some Blatant Lies, Typical Wall Street BS

My post on Retard Trader was meant to be a silly joke within the little trading group at virtual office, and I did wrongly assume that he and not his parents lived in the home that he has his website registered to.

He is now a published author with two books listed on Amazon (despite not being able to spell check his own website).

One of his lesser known literary masterpieces:

No longer a hedge fund manager – now a cult leader. This guy is like Amway pushing his how to books and if left unchecked he will be on sometime around three in the morning hawking his get rich penny stock strategy to people with sleep deprivation…

Timothy Sykes the leader is the small but loyal band of enthusiasts who attack as blasphemy anyone who questions his stock wizardry.

Here are just a few reviews about his book:

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Re: Sykes amateurish hedge fund book:

Update to the Sykes saga. He has been reported to the SEC for posting on message boards attacks against a company he made a short recommendation against on thestreet.com

How he swindled that side into giving him a podium is anybody’s guess. I imagine he fancies himself ala Jim Cramer, but where he tries to match Cramer in terms of bluster and self-aggrandizement he lacks Cramer’s obvious deep well of knowledge and ability to educate about the markets which is something Sykes cannot do. I hope Cramer knows Sykes used his site and then bashed the same pick on Yahoo and Raging Bull message boards immediately after to reinforce the chances of success for his short recommendation.

This kid is the sleaziest thing to hit the financial media in a long time and that is saying something.

Just say NO to Tim Sykes.

And if you haven’t already seen his now classic laughing stock of Wall Street series of emails published on TraderDaily.com go look them up. They are excruciatingly embarrassing.

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Is it more sad or amusing when someone’s young ego spurs them to write a book when they possess neither literary skill nor talent? Sykes has commented elsewhere that his goal to become “a great teacher, not a great investor” but in this sad excuse for a tutorial he proves to be neither as his amateurish errors practically drive him from the market, credibility (what little he had) completely shredded. Perhaps, however, it’s not truly his fault: let’s face it, when it comes to imparting wisdom from Wall Street it is simply not possible that a raw twenty-something simply has much to say.

Not that Sykes doesn’t try however. In perusing the “comments” portion of Amazon book reviews, he’s certainly not reluctant to chime in and offer a defense at nearly every turn. Find me ONE other author at Amazon that feels so compelled to argue his own incompetence.

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In Tim’s defense he clearly stated the losses were not his fault and his mission in life was not to make money but to educate others to:

> From: Tim Sykes
> Date: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:01 PM
> To: Randall Lane
> Subject: Re: Re: Sykes 30 under 30 Party
>

Thank you for your honesty, but I wish you had read the book I sent you guys. you would discover that ALL MY LOSSES have been caused not by trading, but because I entered into an illiquid stock that I have not been able to sell. I am unable to raise any money, unable to take any trading risk so all I can do is take advantage of my publicity efforts and turn that into my new career. I am a trader in the truest sense in that I am willing to trade professions to adapt to my environment. I wish you had taken the time to understand the specifics before drawing faulty conclusions.

Tim

Anyway, judge for yourself on whether he makes you vomit in your mouth…

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