Retard Zone » Video

Jealous crane operator use cheating wife’s boat as wrecking ball

Jerome — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:28:52 +0000

Sure it’s as fake as Lindsey Lohan’s rack and has equally bad acting, but still it’s decently entertaining. Besides unless you live in my trailer park you don’t see stuff like this everyday.

Just in case you’re wondering it’s an episode from Reno 911.

Poor black & white people united by bad furniture

Jerome — Thu, 21 May 2009 22:22:00 +0000

Poor people of all colors and creeds can’t afford to buy furniture, appliances or electronics with their bad credit. That’s where the Red House Furniture Store of High Point North Carolina comes in…

Is it just the best bad furniture commercial I’ve seen this week, or something more that could finally end the racial divide and unite us all with rent to own furniture you pay three times more than it costs over the five years you make payment on? You decide.

Qualify Today at the Red House if you belong in the poor house.

Muppet’s Eleven

Jerome — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:00:36 +0000

I assumed that Oceans Eleven was a chick film and ignored like anything that would show up on the Lifetime Channel. An all Muppets version of the recycled heist film would get me into the theater though…

Literal music video from Red Hot Chili Peppers

Jerome — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:39:34 +0000

Here is a literal version of their famous Red Hot Chili Peppers under the bridge song that actually matches the video. Maybe if more ~~drugged out hippies~~ musicians would lay off the drugs for a few days their videos might make a little more sense like this one.

Burger King into square backsides

Jerome — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:48:39 +0000

The Burger King is cool, not as cool as the Jack in the box clown head guy but at least you don’t have to bow to him. The King will not only give you “back” but he’ll dig it even if it’s square.

At least it’s not as embarrassing as that sham-wam guy.

Documentary on post election stress disorder

Jerome — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:10:48 +0000

Today millions of Americans across the country are coming to terms with the fact the election is over. After the war it’s difficult to return to everyday life and post election stress disorder is a real disease and it’s effecting people across the country. This video shows the human costs of America’s most expensive election…

Water skiing shopping cart

Jerome — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:57:29 +0000

Nothing brings more class to a neighborhood than a shopping cart and a lake is no exception. This dress wearing stuntman modifies this shopping cart for water skiing hi-jinx.

This water skiing trip would make bubbles from Trailer Park Boys proud.

Base jumper falls 1000 feet and lives

Jerome — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 22:19:16 +0000

Most people die from a short 150 foot jump off a bridge but not Norwegian base jumper Hans Lange. Lange, 44 feel about 1,000 feet only to land on a tree and survive with only a broken leg.

The jumper captured the entire horrible episode on video that is too disturbing to watch (below)

Lange admits he was too nonchalant and had to be rescued by a helicopter after being trapped in a tree 300 feet up. The accident happened August. 23rd, as Hans jumped from the 5,250 foot high Bjoerketind peak in Norway.

He said he was lucky to be alive but wasn’t about to quit base jumping.

“When I have recovered I will jump again,” he said. “It all comes down to better planning. It’s a fantastic feeling to fly along a mountainside.”

“I have never considered this as a last jump,” the base-jumper said after his ordeal. “Lying there, floating along the mountain side, feeling the hairs stand in your neck, and you are in complete control. It’s a wonderful feeling, and a feeling I seek and will always do.”

Lange said he was flying down the mountainside at nearly 180 kph (110 mph) when he realized he was too close to the wall.

He deployed his chute and tried to steer away from the wall, but it was too late. The video showed Lange crying out in pain as he bumped into the rock repeatedly while trying to untangle the cords.

The fall came to an abrupt end when he slammed into a tree about 100 meters (330 feet) above the planned landing site.

Britain’s Daily Telegraph soberly notes that since 1981, there have been at least 123 fatalities related to the sport.

News Article

Bring the Olympics to your home town

Jerome — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:31:57 +0000

The Olympics won’t be coming to your home town without a billion dollar budget, millions in bribes and kickbacks and recently it requires a suppressive communist government. Don’t let that or a lack of international level athletic talent stop you from competing your home town’s very first Olympic games.

1	100 Meter Run Measure out something like 100 meters (approximately a football fieldish) and pick something to run against preferably something faster than you that will inspire you to run faster like a train, bus, or riding lawnmower.
2	Long Jump Look for something that won’t kill you after landing (like a pile of soft trash or some construction gravel) take a running leap and try to jump as far as you can without injuring yourself.
3	Shot Put With Olympic rules each competitor receives a certain number of throws which you might not get if you are using fruits from a grocery – so make your first throw count. A competition level shot weighs about 16 pounds so to make your throw official look for a heavy fruit like Harvey Firestone.
4	High Jump The challenge in this event is to find something that you know for sure you can clear, or something that won’t kill you if you hit the obstacle. Brick walls, fences with razor wire, and electrified fences should all be second choices.
5	400 Meter Run The 400 meter run is the last event of the first day, so you will have a full night’s rest so go all out on this one. Running in traffic should cut two seconds off your time, or get you killed.
6	110 Meter Hurdles Look for 10 evenly spaced obstacles approximately 1.067 meters (3.5 ft) in height. Construction signs should be suitable – but try to jump opposite to the side of that little light usually on the left.
7	Discus A freeway shoulder is the perfect place to find a nice throwing area marked out as well as a ready supply of hubcaps which are not official olympic sized they are close enough and much cheaper. All of these events are considered eco-friendly because they focus on recycling!
8	Pole Vault Look for something soft to land in (people do get killed in this event so caution is the keyword on this one). Try to avoid cactus – your best choice is a bush without thorns with plenty of give in it.
9	Javelin A fishing pole is more than an adequate stand in for a competition level javelin – and safer! Be ready to run after throwing the fishing pole because as non-athletes the fisherman will not understand your quest for gold.
10	1500 Meter Run Train stations, marathons, and outdoor events make perfect locations for you final event the 1500 meter run. Now I know nothing about the metric system but that sounds like a mile or something so you may need to walk most of this one, so save some for the end – it looks good on the cameras – which might mitigate any legal issues involved with running along tracks into a train station.

Training Video

Water skiing the streets of Florida

Jerome — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:49:42 +0000

Street water skiing requires a car (preferably with a hatchback), a few inches of standing water, standard wakeboard equipment, and a complete disregard for one’s own personal safety. While it may not be an Olympic sport yet, it’s already a gold medal retard event.

Wakeboarding on the streets when fay hit Florida Tech